


Blessings and Curses

by seibelsays



Series: Blessings and Curses [1]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, F/M, Nightmares, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-07
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-07-06 13:17:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 32
Words: 60,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15886818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seibelsays/pseuds/seibelsays
Summary: Six years after escaping from HYDRA, Bucky Barnes is living in New York. Well, maybe not living. Existing might be a better term. His steadfast refusal to meet anyone new has Steve at his breaking point, and he's ready to start taking drastic measures to ensure Bucky doesn't plateau in his recovery. But Steve doesn't know the full story and Bucky would really prefer not to tell him.When the truth comes out, how far will Steve go to help his friend? How far will Bucky go to help himself?And how far will Darcy have to go to keep Lucky from jumping on every person he sees?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> IT BEGINS. Fellow fans, this one has been percolating for a Very. Long. Time. and I'm very excited to FINALLY share it with you all. What better time to start a multi-chapter soulmate AU than Soulmate September, right? Right.
> 
> Updates post on Fridays.

When he first escaped from HYDRA and their brainwashing, Bucky Barnes hadn’t concerned himself with much beyond survival - and never being manipulated into doing anything against his will ever again. Recovering his memories might be nice, but he was prepared to live without them if it meant not having to hurt people anymore. If it meant not being cold anymore.

Realizing what he’d done, what he’d been manipulated into doing for so many years...just being able to come out the other side was a blessing. He didn’t deserve anything more than that. He knew he would never receive justice, would never be able to get back what had been stolen from him, and he accepted that. It was his penance for the atrocities committed by his hand.

After his escape, he hid in plain sight for two years. He kept his head down and did his best to leave no impact on the world around him. He’d take odd jobs for cash and tried to stick to non-descript, run-down room rentals - the places no one else ever looked. He raided the odd abandoned HYDRA bolthole on occasion, if cash or a halfway decent cover ID was proving elusive through other means, but he mostly went out of his way to avoid them when he could. He rarely spoke when it wasn’t absolutely necessary, and at the end of a long day it was the promise of a piece of candy waiting for him, rather than friends or loved ones.

It was a sham of a life, the absolute opposite of everything he thought he’d ever wanted before, but it was his - and damn anyone who would want to try to take it from him.

But the world spun on and eventually caught up to him. He was working as a dishwasher in Bucharest when Steve Rogers strolled back into his life. He supposed he should just be happy the punk hadn’t brought a fight with him when he did so.

It took awhile, but Steve finally convinced him to come in from the cold, to return to the relative safety of Steve’s apartment in New York.

(“It’ll be like old times - all you have to do is take out the trash and maybe shine my shoes,” Steve had said with a knowing grin, like they were sharing a secret. Bucky hadn’t had the heart to tell him he didn’t understand the reference.)

In New York, he didn’t stop looking over his shoulder, or avoiding unnecessary crowds, or counting the exits every time he walked into a room. But as the months went on, these were things he felt like he chose to do, rather than things he _needed_ to do to survive. In New York, the pressure in his chest lessened with every good memory that returned. In New York, Steve was there a heartbeat after every bad memory showed its ugly face.

After a few years, he’d thought he’d never have the right to wish for anything better. With all the blood on his hands, everything he’d done - willing or not - it seemed like too much to hope for to be able to live anything resembling a normal life.

Right now, six years after finally breaking free from HYDRA’s control, he was reconsidering the merits of giving it all up and beating Steve to a bloody pulp. Again.

“Come on, Buck, they’re having a movie night. It’ll be fun.” Steve leaned against the kitchen island as Bucky puttered around the kitchen, cleaning up nonexistent messes left over from dinner.

Sitting quietly in a dark room full of people Bucky had either never met or had once attempted to kill sounded like the opposite of fun, but this was a recurring argument between the two friends. Steve had been trying to get Bucky to socialize with the other people Steve had connected with in this strange new life of theirs for a while now, and it was getting harder to beg off. 

“You go ahead.” Bucky was pretty sure he’d wiped down this side of the counter at least three times now, but a fourth wouldn’t hurt anything. It would also keep his hands busy, so he’d be less likely to punch Steve. Not punching Steve was a priority. For now.

“You can’t keep hiding in here, you should go out and meet the rest of the team.”

“Who’s hiding? Besides, they’re your team, Steve. I don’t need to meet anybody.” 

_I don’t want to meet anybody._

“So I’m the only friend you need? Come on. You’re becoming a hermit.” Annoyance was slowly edging into Steve’s voice the longer this argument continued.

“And that’s my choice.” Bucky refused to rise to the bait. If he didn’t want to meet anyone new, that was his business. He didn’t need - or want - to talk about why. 

“They’re not that bad you know. Sure, Tony can be an ass sometimes, but he learned social skills from those robots he builds.”

Bucky groaned internally. “Yeah, I _really_ don’t want to talk about the Stark family.” 

Steve’s face flushed slightly at the reminder, but otherwise he ignored Bucky’s comment and switched gears. “You’ve been doing really well lately. I just don’t want you to stagnate - and the team can handle it if something goes wrong. It’s much better than-”

“I don’t want to meet any new people, alright?”

Steve leveled a look at him that suggested he was trying - and really struggling - not to hit something. “Help me understand why.” 

“I just don’t.” He tossed the sponge he’d been using into the sink and finally turned to face Steve. Bucky sighed at the kicked puppy dog look he was currently getting from his best friend. He really should have known he wouldn’t have been able to avoid this forever. 

Was going back on the run really that bad? At least he wouldn’t have to deal with nosy superheroes and their stupid woebegone faces. 

_Yes, it would be that bad._

“Maybe...sometime...if its people I’ve already met, but no one new, alright? And not tonight, I’m not...” he asked softly, shaking his head and offering the compromise but not quite meeting Steve’s eyes.

“Okay.” They were silent for a a few moments.

“Can I ask-”

“No.”

“Bucky.”

“No.”

Steve sighed. “I’m not trying to butt in on your business-”

“Then don’t.”

“But if it’s something we need to talk to Sam about-”

“Sam Wilson is the last person I want rummaging around my head.”

“Well if you refuse to meet anyone new, he’s about to be your only option,” Steve snapped, and then immediately cringed at his own tone.

Bucky knew Steve had a point. But Steve didn’t know the whole story and the last thing Bucky wanted to do was discuss it. Yet once again, it seemed like what Bucky wanted didn’t matter. Apparently, the time for hiding was over.

“I just...what if someone says my Words?” Bucky mumbled.

Steve’s expression immediately shifted. “Buck, that would be a good thing - a great thing, even.” he replied earnestly.

“No. It wouldn’t. Just because your Words turned into a damn fairytale doesn’t mean we’re all so lucky.” Bucky shook his head and leaned back against the counter. Steve meeting his soulmate in Natasha Romanoff two weeks out of the ice was the best case scenario. Bucky would never be so lucky. He didn’t deserve to be so lucky. “They didn’t just take my arm, Steve. Or my mind. Or my free will.”

Steve paused and looked concerned at what Bucky was implying. “What-”

“They took my Words, Steve. Sawed them right off with whatever was left of my arm after I fell from that damn train and threw them away.”

“Still though. You know them, you’ll know when-”

“I don’t.”

Steve’s confusion turned to horror but he quickly covered it. “What do you mean, you don’t? You don’t...know your Words? You don’t remember?”

Bucky stared at the floor. “They burned the Words right outta my brain. Everything else has come back. I remember _everything else_. Even the things I’d rather forget.”

_Especially the things I’d rather forget._

“Maybe you just need more time.”

“It’s been almost six years, Steve. I haven’t remembered anything new in almost four. They’re not coming back.”

“Okay,” Steve said slowly. “It’s probably not completely unheard of - people have memory problems and brain injuries all the time.”

“That’s not the worst of it.”

Steve put his hands on his hips and looked at him with concerned exasperation. “What is the worst?”

“HYDRA they...they put all those triggers in my head, remember? To make me do things, make me compliant.” He looked Steve dead in the eye. “I specifically remember being told that, yes, I had Words, and was therefore _technically_ human.” Steve closed his eyes in disgust and anger, but Bucky kept talking. “But I was an Asset. The Fist of HYDRA. My soulmate was the one thing they thought could break their conditioning - the one thing that could be more important than the mission. So they ensured that when I finally heard my Words, I would be compelled to destroy whoever said them.” He closed his eyes and thumped his head back against the cabinet behind him. “The moment I meet my soulmate, I’ll try to kill them.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so excited that so many of _you_ are so excited about this story that I got a little _overexcited_ and am posting this way ahead of Friday. Happy Pretend Friday, everyone.

“You’re absolutely sure?” Sam asked.

“Yes,” Bucky replied firmly. “My memory is crystal clear on this. They told me that the first time I hear my Words, it will trigger an aggression response.”

“Is the memory more clear than others? They could have -”

“It’s a real memory, Sam,” Bucky replied quietly. “HYDRA planted enough false ones that I’ve learned to tell the difference.”

Steve had been silently watching this exchange from his corner of the couch. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “So what do we do?”

Sam shook his head. “For now, it might be best to avoid meeting new people. Just until we know a little more and can figure something else out.”

“Hide? You want him to hide?” Steve was incredulous.

“Temporarily.”

Bucky snorted. “It’s no different from what I was doing before, Steve.”

Steve sighed. “You were getting better. You’d agreed to come to movie night.”

“Always movie night,” Bucky muttered. “Steve, I agreed to go to movie night when it was only people _I already knew_.”

“What are you going to do in the meantime?” Steve asked. “Even getting a pizza delivered could mean you have to talk to people you’ve never met before.”

Bucky shrugged. He didn’t like it - not in the least - but he’d been doing okay so far. Now it was just...official.

“Maybe I could see if Tony could open up some space in the Tower - that way FRIDAY could monitor and intervene - “

“I’m not moving - to the Tower or anywhere else.” He liked his apartment dammit. It was tiny but it wasn’t like he had a lot of stuff anyway. And...it was _his_. He’d picked it out - granted he picked it because it was on the same floor as Steve, but he still chose it. He filled it with secondhand furniture and used books. There was an old telescope that he’d gotten for a song at a flea market - and once he figured out how to fix the lens alignment, he was going to find somewhere to use it. He’d already counted all of the tiles in his bathroom. That could come in handy. Someday.

The Tower was filled with all kinds of people and things that he wasn’t familiar with and hadn’t chosen - and he’d be living on the dime and at the mercy of a man whose parents he’d killed. It wasn’t a great recipe for a peaceful living situation. 

Sure, he was already going a little stir-crazy in his apartment. The entirety of his human interaction these days was limited to a small circle. Very small. Mostly Steve.

And he loves Steve. He does. Steve is his brother in every way that matters and Bucky would never be able to repay him for everything he’d done. (Steve would always wave him off when he would start talking like that, but it was the truth as far as Bucky was concerned.)

But heaven above, Steve Rogers was a goddamn mother hen when he wanted to be and Bucky was ready to chuck all caution out the window and really do something drastic. Maybe not jumping out of an airplane without a parachute drastic. Maybe more like....ordering himself a pizza drastic. Or going outside drastic. 

The sooner they figured this out, the better. Bucky might be semi-stable these days, but he could feel his tenuous grasp on sanity slipping. Sam would probably have opinions on that. Steve would definitely have opinions on that.

He really needed to find an actual therapist. Maybe that was the drastic thing he could do today.

***

Darcy Lewis abscently rubbed her wrist as Kate dug through a filing cabinet, looking for the last of Darcy’s lease paperwork.

“I know it’s...in here...somewhere!” Kate muttered under her breath.

“I can come back -”

“AHA!” Kate yelled in triumph, thrusting a sheet of paper into the air and spinning around to face Darcy. She handed it over. “Seriously, I have no idea how Clint finds anything in here...ever.”

“I would offer to help you organize, but-”

“We don’t want to enable him,” Kate finished.

Darcy grinned. “Exactly. It’s bad enough he’s talked me into walking Lucky every day.”

“Aww, Lucky’s not so bad. And he’s giving you a…” Kate whistled, skimming through Darcy’s lease. “A pretty sweet discount on the rent in return.”

“Really?” Darcy grabbed the paper from Kate’s hands. “Wait...he didn’t mention any of this. This is way less than he asked for when I told him I needed an apartment.”

Kate shrugged. “The discount is actually less than what he’d have to pay for a professional dog walker in this city.”

Darcy shook her head. “I’m in the wrong line of work.”

“Aren’t we all?” Kate muttered darkly. “Besides, you know Clint - he likes to keep his friends close-”

“And his enemies multiplying.” Darcy narrowed her eyes at Kate. “Let me guess - I’m getting such a great deal on an apartment because he can’t rent it out to anyone else with all the madness going on around here. News of that mess with the tracksuit mafia did reach New Mexico, you know.” Darcy tilted her head. “Who else lives in this building, by the way?” Kate hesitated, then thrust the pen at Darcy with a wide grin. Darcy sighed and signed the lease. 

***

Clint Barton was currently occupying one of Bucky’s bar stools, drinking coffee straight from the pot and dribbling a little down his shirt. If it had been anyone else, Bucky might have been annoyed, but he tended to cut Clint more slack than most. Clint was the only person in Bucky’s acquaintance who knew what it was like to not be in control of yourself, but to have to live with the memory and the guilt of those actions anyway. Clint called the two of them the “Formerly Brainwashed Assassins Society.” Bucky privately thought the name needed work, but didn’t want to dampen Clint’s enthusiasm.

Bucky crouched on the floor and pet Clint’s dog Lucky, currently rolling on his back at Bucky’s feet as Clint spoke with Steve. Lucky’s doggie smile never failed to put a smile on Bucky’s face as well, no matter how poorly the day had gone. Bucky would never admit it to Clint (or anyone else), but Lucky was a big reason he let Clint get away with so much.

“I’m tellin’ ya man, you should have seen her. I’ll bet Stark has the footage somewhere. Town is on fire, shit blowin’ up everywhere, giant-ass robot taking out everything in sight. It’s all I can do to keep from gettin’ my head blown off and I’m just trying to grab a roof perch that isn’t about to collapse. What’s this _civilian_ do? Run straight into the pet shop and evacuate all the pets! Starts handing them to people as they run for their lives away from the carnage, but she keeps going back in.”

“This story does not surprise me,” Steve replied with a grin.

Clint sat back and took another long slurp of coffee from the pot. “As far as non-enhanced civilian allies go, she’d be at the top of my list, any day. Helps that she won’t take Tony’s shit and is funny as hell.”

“Who’s this?” Bucky asked, finally looking up at them as Lucky tired of belly rubs and curled up for a nap.

Steve pushed a file towards him. “Tony’s bringing in more scientists.”

Bucky stood and flipped open the folder. “For him to argue with?”

Clint snorted. “These two will argue right back. And win.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows at that, but didn’t reply as he glanced over the file. Doctor Jane Foster, Nobel Prize winner extraordinaire. Darcy Lewis, PhD candidate. The names were familiar features in Clint’s stories. Sounded like Clint had finally convinced them to come work for either Stark Industries or the Avengers. He had heard about the offer quite a bit - it had been out there for awhile. He wondered what finally brought the two women on board.

“Astrophysicists?”

“I think they’re working on the portal used by the Chitauri.”

Bucky hummed in response as closed up the file and pushed it back towards the center of the table. He’d been in cryo for that mess and was secretly glad off it. Who knew what HYDRA would have assigned him to do in that chaos? He was glad the whole ordeal had come and gone so relatively quickly that the bastards had never figured out how best to use it to their advantage. “Darcy...this the girl you told me about before? From your stint in New Mexico, right? How'd you finally get her to sign on?”

Clint nodded. “I was supposed to be her shadow - keep an eye on her while SHIELD sorted out all the craziness around Mjolnir. She made me almost immediately though - and then wouldn’t stop following me until I agreed to help get Jane’s research back. Threatened to string me up by my toenails and tase me in the balls at varying intervals. I wouldn’t put it past her either - she has an itchy trigger finger when it comes to that taser. Something Tony found out the hard way during negotiations. Ultimately, Foster wouldn't sign on without Darcy, and Darcy wouldn't sign on unless certain conditions were met. Namely, her student loans paid off and an exceptionally generous donation made to the Second Chance Animal Rescue of New Mexico. She might have also negotiated for Free Taco Tuesday in the labs, but that might also be a rumor.”

“She sounds...intense.” That was one word for it. Clint had told a lot of Darcy stories over the years and he loved them all. If things were different, he’d be tempted to look her up, ask her out. It was a frequent daydream, actually - that he was the Bucky he was before and he had the guts to find out if this Darcy Lewis was as great as Clint made her out to be.

“She says what she thinks,” Steve replied, “and like Clint said - she’s a good person to have on your side.”

“And how exactly do _you_ know her?” Bucky asked, narrowing his eyes at Steve.

“ _She_ comes to movie night,” Steve said with a smirk. "Might actually be able to make it more often now that she and Doctor Foster are in town permanently."

Bucky outwardly ignored him but groaned internally. Steve was never going to let that go. “When are they coming?” he asked Clint.

“Just moved in here today,” Clint replied. “Which reminds me, I’ve got to go.”

“Hot date?” Steve grinned.

Clint paused. “Never play poker with Darcy.” He shook his head and whistled for Lucky, who bounded to him and out the door.

Bucky stood and joined Steve at the kitchen island. “I don’t think I want to know.”

“You’re probably right,” he agreed. “So. More new faces around here.”

“Yep.”

“Sam say anything?”

“Until they figure out how to block or remove my triggers, he still agrees I shouldn’t meet anyone new.”

Steve sighed. “Any luck remembering your Words?”

“No.”

Steve looked thoughtful. “You know,” he began slowly, as though he wasn’t quite sure how to phrase what he was thinking. “I know your Words.”

Bucky stared at him, his jaw dropped slightly. “You know my Words? Why, exactly, do you know my Words?” 

“We were kids, we showed each other.”

“Wasn’t that…” Bucky trailed off. Someone else - someone not his soulmate - knowing seemed...wrong somehow. Not bad, just...off. The thought scraped at his mind, poking uncomfortably where the memory should be.

“Yeah, it was weird back then. Still weird now, actually, just less so.”

“What isn’t?” Bucky replied, then sighed. “I don’t know if I want to know.”

“Why not? What’s your plan then? Wait until you black out and attack someone for no reason to realize they’re your soulmate?”

Bucky gave a tilt of his head that suggested, yes that was exactly his plan and he didn't appreciate the judgement. 

“Bucky...I think you’d like to know them. I really think it might help. We can go to the Tower, get you into a safe space, so that if something goes wrong when you hear them we can deal with it. I just...I really think you’d be better off knowing them.”

He sighed again. Steve was probably right. Knowing his Words would give him a little bit of peace, at least for now. It would be a tiny reassurance that the universe hadn’t forgotten him. That there really might be one person out there who could - despite everything - maybe even love him. Maybe. Someday. When his head was on straight.

But the universe had to have gotten it wrong. Who would - who could - look past the things he’d done? Who could ever want to be saddled with a soulmate like him?

“Sam pushing this?” he finally asked.

“I haven’t said anything to anyone. They’re your Words and it’s your decision. I’m just giving you the option, and my opinion.”

“I’ll think about it, okay? I just...don’t want to know them right now.”

“Okay, Buck. Okay.”


	3. Chapter 3

Bucky paused at the corner of the hallway. He could hear someone moving in front of the mailboxes and didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks. 

“Lucky, one of these days, I’m going to have to teach you to chase the mailman away if he’s only going to bring me junk,” a female voice said from around the corner.

Bucky risked a peek from his place in the shadow of the hallway. Darcy Lewis was sorting through her mail, Lucky’s leash in hand. He watched as she stuffed one envelope in her bag, then proceeded to slide the rest of her mail into varying mailboxes.

Lucky let out an enthusiastic bark and lunged towards him, pulling a startled Darcy along in his wake.

“Whoa, buddy! Cool it, okay?” Darcy scolded, digging in her heels and getting the dog back under her control. “I have to figure out which of my neighbors would most enjoy all of these junk catalogs and you’re interrupting my attempts to shove invitations to sex toy parties into Steve Rogers mailbox.”

A quiet laugh escaped Bucky before he could stop himself. He saw Darcy’s head snap to look in his direction and he quickly, quietly, made his way back the way he came in the direction of his apartment. He scolded himself for being such a coward, even if there was a good reason for his caution.

One day, he’ll be able to talk to someone as lovely as Darcy Lewis like a normal person. 

One day.

***

“Hey kid,” Clint greeted. “I have no interest in attending your former college roommate’s jewelry party, so please stop passing along the invitation.”

Darcy looked up from her computer to see the archer leaning into her office, arms braced against the doorframe. “But you would look so fetching in a cheap tiara, Katniss” she replied, dryly, pushing her glasses into her hair so she could rub her tired eyes. As much as she’d come to love science, staring at equations and datasets on a computer screen was one of her least favorite activities.

Clint grinned. “I would. But _Hunger Games_ is not the film on offer tonight, though I’ll ask Nat to add it to the list.”

“Another movie night?” Darcy blinked at him and straightened her glasses. “You guys aren’t doing all this for me and Jane, are you? It’s nice and all, but we’re good.”

“Nah. We enjoying the quiet while we can.”

“Before the next Bond villain decides to enact their dastardly plan,” Darcy nodded with a grin. “What’s tonight’s movie?”

“ _Sharknado_.”

She stared at him. “....why?”

“Nat thinks it will be hilarious to see Steve and Jane’s heads explode.”

Darcy thought about that. “Fair enough. Count me in. Anything I can bring? You superhero types have the worst appetites.”

Clint waved her off. “Just your smiling face and scathing commentary.”

 

***

Steve was pouring a fresh bag of popcorn into a bowl when the elevator dinged. He glanced around, unsure of who they were missing. Bucky probably wouldn’t show for another half hour or so, and everyone else was already in the theater Tony had built on the common floor.

The elevator doors opened to reveal Darcy Lewis noisily slurping out of a Captain America mug with a sly grin on her face. 

Shit. Shit, shit, _shit_. As Darcy stepped out of the elevator, he bolted into the hallway to call Bucky and warn him. There was someone he hadn’t met unexpectedly in attendance and as much as Steve hated to do it, he had to discourage Bucky from coming. He sighed as he pressed the button to dial Bucky. 

_One step forward, two steps back._

***

Darcy blinked in confusion at the blur of motion that was Steve Rogers running out of the room at the sight of her. Natasha had just come out of the theater into the kitchen area and witnessed Steve’s hasty exit.

“Should I leave?” Darcy asked her quietly.

Natasha shook her head. “You’re fine. Love the mug, by the way.” 

“Seriously, Nat, if I’m intruding on team bonding or whatever-”

“You’re not. Stay, please. I have a feeling your commentary on the movie is the only thing that will keep me sane during this monstrosity.” Natasha picked up the giant bowl of popcorn that Steve had abandoned and motioned for Darcy to follow her into the theater. 

“I thought this movie was your pick?”

“It was. Steve’s reactions won’t be nearly as fun now though.”

Darcy paused. “Because I’m here,” she said, as evenly as she could manage.

Natasha patted the seat on the couch next to her. “Not you specifically. There’s a situation with Barnes.”

“Oh,” Darcy replied quietly. “Anything I can do to help?”

Natasha raised an eyebrow and gave Darcy an appraising look. “You’re not afraid of him?”

Darcy mimicked her expresion. “Should I be? I read the brief. It didn’t inspire any more fear than anything else.” Darcy shrugged. “Read more like he’s got the worst luck of anyone I’ve ever heard of than someone I should actively worry about.”

Natasha hummed in agreement. “If more people thought like you do, the world would be a better place.”

“Sure. But then I wouldn’t seem as awesome,” Darcy teased, sneaking a handful of popcorn out of the bowl in Natasha’s lap.

“I’m sure you’d find a way.”

Steve entered the theater with a sigh, Clint close behind him.

“Ready to start this thing?” Steve asked tiredly.

“You know,” Darcy said, “if Bucky Barnes is afraid of me, you should remind him that only like 50% of what Clint says about me is accurate.” She gave Steve her best grin, attempting to lighten his mood, earning her a tiny, appreciative smile from Natasha.

“80%. At least 80% and even then I’m understating it,” Clint replied.

Steve gave Darcy a tired grin. “That’s a very interesting mug you have in your hands, Darcy, but it’s a terrible likeness.”

She rolled her eyes at Steve’s awkward change of subject. “Never change, Rogers. Never, ever change.”

***

Bucky stared down at the phone in his hands. He’d spent all day psyching himself up to go to this stupid movie night with Steve’s friends. And now he’s stuck sitting alone in his apartment. Again.

It wasn’t that he didn’t appreciate the warning - it would have been infinitely worse to have gotten all the way to the Tower only to discover that there were people he’d never met there and have to navigate his way out of the situation. Or worse.

One more thing to hate HYDRA for today, he supposed. As if that list ever got any shorter. 

He wondered what excuse Steve might give for his absence. He knew Steve wouldn’t start telling all and sundry his business unnecessarily, although he was sure his friend had spilled every last detail to Natasha. Even if she hadn’t been his soulmate, she was a damn spy - she would have sussed it out one way or another. Clint didn’t know the specifics, but probably wouldn’t ask. He doubted Tony or Rhodey even knew or cared that he’d intended on coming. And he’d never met Darcy Lewis or Jane Foster, so they probably wouldn’t give him a second thought. Maybe Steve wouldn’t have to explain anything. Bucky’s absence wouldn’t be noticed - no one, save possibly Steve, would even care.

What a sad indictment of his life. 

He paused for a moment to wonder at his second close call with Darcy Lewis in as many days. It was almost as though the universe was trying to push them together.

He dismissed that thought almost as quickly as it occurred to him. There was no way Darcy Lewis had ever done anything in this life or any other to deserve to be saddled with a wreck of a soulmate like him. No matter how pretty the fantasy might seem. He just wasn’t that lucky. No, it was his stupid, silly crush on the idea of the woman messing with his head. It was just a coincidence. 

_You don’t believe in coincidences, remember?_

He glanced around his apartment with a sigh and considered his options. He could wallow in misery. He could take his frustrations out on the heavy bag in the gym downstairs. Or he could throw some food together and start on that new book he’d grabbed from the library. A quiet night in - that sounded good. It was normal - something someone _normal_ would do.

Maybe if he kept repeating that to himself, one day he would actually believe it.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Pretend Friday.

A week after his thwarted attempt to attend movie night, Bucky made the bold decision to be adventurous and walk down the hall to visit Steve’s apartment for a change, just in time to help Steve eat the homemade pizza he had just pulled from the oven. 

_Free lunch? Success._

Steve had apparently been looking for an opportunity when Bucky was distracted, because he waited until Bucky’s mouth was full of steaming hot pizza before mentioning the topic on his mind. “Sorry about movie night. I didn’t know Clint had invited Darcy.”

Bucky glared at Steve as he choked down the pizza that suddenly tasted less like victory and more like ash, now that Steve had brought up movie night. Intellectually, he knew the whole debacle wasn’t Steve’s fault, but he couldn’t help being a bit annoyed. Bucky had come to realize that Steve didn’t quite grasp just how much effort it took for him to be around other people he didn’t know very well. Some days it felt like Steve still expected him to be the person he had been in 1943. Bucky never wanted to disappoint Steve - the kicked puppy look was real - but he didn’t know how to break it to him that the Bucky Barnes that hugged Steve goodbye at the Stark Expo had died long before he ever fell off a train. He pushed the melancholy thought away and focused on the conversation he was currently having with his friend, not the conversation he was putting off.

“I should have guessed. Lewis and Foster are friends of Clint’s - makes sense he’d mention it to them now that they’re in town permanently.”

“If it’s any consolation, the movie was terrible.”

“Did you think a movie titled _Sharknado_ would be good?” Bucky deadpanned, then ducked the wadded up napkin Steve chucked in his direction. 

“You got somethin’ to say about Nat’s taste in movies?”

“Nothing I would dare utter aloud,” Bucky replied. He snagged another piece of pizza and took a bite before making his way into Steve’s living room to set up their _Dog Cops_ marathon - Steve was at least a month behind and he finally had a few spare hours to catch up. Bucky polished off the slice in another two bites, then considered the room.

Despite the brief, uncomfortable mention of the other night, he was actually in decent spirits for a change. Still feeling a tiny bit daring, Bucky made the audacious choice to try out the monstrosity in Steve’s living room Clint called a “bean bag chair.” He had just lowered himself onto the thing and was getting settled with the television remote when there came an incessant knocking on the door. Bucky struggled to get up to answer, but was largely unsuccessful - he ultimately found himself unceremoniously rolling off the bag and onto the floor as Steve watched from the kitchen and offered no help whatsoever.

When Steve finally stopped laughing at him, he put the poor person knocking on the other side out of their misery and answered the door himself as Bucky flipped him off.

“Darcy!” Steve sounded startled and Bucky froze halfway to his feet. Of course, because the universe hates him, the first time Darcy Lewis laid eyes on him he was half sprawled on the floor and giving Steve the finger. Ugh. Knowing his luck, he probably had pizza sauce all over his face, too. 

_It. Just. Fucking. Figures._

“Hey Steve-o. Clint told me you left this stuff behind this morning and asked me to drop it off when I took Lucky here out for his afternoon walk.” 

Bucky couldn’t quite see the woman standing outside the door, as Steve was blocking most of the entrance, but he did see her throw a wave in his direction as she was speaking. He started to raise his hand to return the greeting when Lucky broke loose of his leash and charged into the apartment.

“Lucky!” Darcy yelled.

Lucky charged Bucky and knocked him back into the bean bag chair, happily licking Bucky’s face and attempting to roll them both onto the floor.

“Getoffmepizzabreath,” Bucky growled, half-heartedly because he really did adore Lucky. Usually. 

“LUCKY THEODESIUS BARTON YOU GET OFF HIM THIS INSTANT.”

Lucky immediately ceased his attempts to pull Bucky into a wrestling match and slunk back to where Darcy had charged into the entryway, his tail between his legs. She fixed his leash more securely to his collar as Steve muttered, “Theodesius?” at her.

Darcy shrugged. “Kate gave him the middle name.”

Bucky dragged himself to his feet - again - and tried to steady himself. 

“ ** _Damn mutt really listens to you_** ,” he said to Darcy without thinking.

Her blue eyes went wide and her jaw dropped slightly as Bucky realized he had just spoken to someone he’d never met before.

And based on her reaction, he’d just said something Very Important.

_Shit._

Before she could recover and say anything in return, he bolted. He took off down the hall, slammed the door to the bathroom shut and locked it, leaving behind two very bewildered people.

“What...what just happened?” Steve asked.

“I…” Darcy was speechless. 

“Did he...oh no. Did he just say your Words?” Steve cringed.

“Yeah…” Darcy breathed, her hand moving to hover over the cuff on her wrist.

“Shit,” Steve muttered.

Darcy snapped out of her stupor and rounded angrily on Steve. “And what the hell is that supposed to mean? Is this why when I showed up the other night you called and told him not to come? I’m not good enough for your buddy in there?”

“No Darcy, that’s not-”

“Fuck you, Rogers! And what’s with the vanishing act? Is the prospect of being my soulmate that fucking horrifying?” Angry tears shone in her eyes, but she didn’t let them fall. Her face was flushed with anger and embarrassment but she continued to advance on Steve, backing him against the kitchen island.

“No Darcy! It’s nothing like that, I swear.”

“Then what is it? Because we’re off to a fan-fucking-tastic start if he utters my Words and then turns tail at the thought of me saying his.”

“Darcy, you know who that is, right?”

“Of course I do,” she snapped hotly.

“And you know his story.”

She paused, a little of the anger draining out of her. “Parts of it. What I read in the SHIELD file dump. Whatever was included in the Tower brief when I signed on to work there.”

“Clint hasn’t said anything?”

She shrugged. “I never asked - I figured if there was anything Bucky Barnes wanted me to know, he could tell me himself, if and when I ever met him.”

Steve sighed. “Okay. Well, it’s complicated. Anything in what you read about him involve trigger words or brainwashing?”

Darcy shook her head no, all of the anger drained out of her now.

“HYDRA did a number on him, Darce. They planted stuff in his head - someone says a specific combination of words and he immediately engages in a pre-determined action.”

“Okay, that sucks. But it doesn’t explain why he ran.” Darcy looked wary, like she’d already figured it out, but needed Steve to confirm her theory because the conclusion she’d drawn was pretty damn horrifying.

“They turned his Words into a trigger that would compel him to attack and likely kill whoever said them.”

“They weaponized his soulmate.” Her voice was flat and sounded a little robotic as the euphoric rush of finally hearing her Words evaporated and shock kicked in.

“Essentially. Yeah.”

Darcy sank onto the nearest barstool with a sharp exhale. “I thought I hated those bastards before,” she said.

“I’m sorry, Darcy. You never know - maybe he’s not your soulmate. Maybe this isn’t your problem.”

Darcy gave him an incredulous look. “Steve,” she scolded.

“Yeah, I know,” he admitted sheepishly, “you’re in it now, soulmate or not. Welcome to life with Bucky.” He gave her a small grin and gestured towards the wrist she was unconsciously stroking. “Your Words change color?”

Darcy blinked in surprise, then pulled at the cuff she’d always worn to cover her Words. “They wouldn’t have, right? I haven’t said anything to him yet.” The cuff finally moved and her words were as clear and dark as they had been this morning - as they had been her entire life.

“I guess I could shout something at him, then run, right? See if they change color then? ‘Hey Soulmate, please don’t murder or maim me’ are terrible Words though.”

“As someone with a bit of experience with this - he doesn’t really stop when he’s in Winter Soldier mode. I don’t think running would help,” Steve replied wryly.

“I’m the worst at running anyway,” she replied then leaned forward and thumped her head on the kitchen island. “That makes twice now I’ve been on HYDRA’s hit list. Do I get a prize? I feel like I should get a prize.” Her voice was muffled beneath the curtain of hair as she spoke into the tile of the counter. 

“I’m sorry, Darcy,” Steve said again. When she didn’t lift her head, he gave her a friendly bump on the shoulder. “HYDRA has had me on their hit list since the 1940s - no prizes for you.”

She directed a rude hand gesture in his direction, then raised her head to look up at him with a tired expression. “So, what are we doing about this?”

“What do you mean?”

Darcy gave him a look that suggested she was having dark thoughts about his intelligence level. “He’s got a bunch of these triggers, right? What are we doing to remove them?”

“We?”

She raised one eyebrow at him, but didn’t respond.

Steve sighed and ran a hand over his face. “He’s been staying here, not meeting anyone new.”

Darcy blinked. “So...your solution...was to make him a recluse?” 

“For now. Until we came up with something better.”

Darcy stared at him incredulously before launching herself off the barstool. “Fuck that! I’m going to get my soulmate and you’ll just have to deal with it if he decides to kill me.” She strode determinedly down the hall towards the bathroom and pounded on the door.

The door swung open easily - the room was empty and the window to the fire escape was wide open.

Bucky was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Bucky landed in the alley with a thud as he jumped from the last landing of the fire escape. He turned right and headed towards the street, not rushing, so as to not draw attention to himself, but he wasn’t taking a leisurely stroll either. 

His thoughts, on the other hand, were racing. He didn’t necessarily have a target - a destination, he corrected himself - in mind, but he needed to get as far away from Steve’s apartment as possible while he worked through the last few minutes in his head.

Why did this have to happen _now_? While he’d taken the first step in admitting the issue with his Words to Steve, they were no closer to finding a solution. He’d been hiding in his own apartment, for crying out loud! His idea of adventure was walking down the hall to Steve’s apartment! One could argue that he’d had more than his share of “adventure” in his long, extended lifetime, but that wasn’t really the point. Bucky mentally shook his head at their idiocy while his heart stuttered at the thought of what could have happened if Darcy hadn’t been momentarily stunned speechless. 

_Darcy. Shit._

He’d said her Words. Holy shit, he had said someone’s Words. He could feel the panic rising in his chest and he did his best to maintain a rhythm of triangular breathing before a full-blown panic attack developed. That was the opposite of what he needed right now. He was so frustrated he could punch something. Or cry. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried.

Wasn’t this moment supposed to be good? His ma had been a practical woman, but she’d always waxed poetic when it came to her Words. His parents hadn’t been soulmates, but his mother had met hers when they were kids. Poor guy she’d been fated to had died from influenza when they were 10, but she vividly remembered the euphoric rush of their first meeting and how lucky she’d been to meet her soulmate at all. It was his bedtime story, the story she’d tell when he was upset or sad, when he’d had a bad day and just needed a hug from his mother. (“Words are precious, James, and yours especially so. When you find the woman who says them, cherish that moment and never let her go.”) What he wouldn’t give for one moment with his ma now, just to hear her gentle voice one more time. 

_Best not to go down that road. Your mother would be disgusted by what you’ve become._

He pushed those thoughts away and tried to focus. He’d said Darcy’s Words. Well, he assumed he did, given her reaction. To be fair, it was entirely possible Sam or Clint had fed her some story about him being a mute hermit and she was simply stunned to hear him speak. In which case, given his reaction, she probably thought him even more of a basket case than she already might have. Which was just his luck really - brilliant girl like that, and he goes and hands her all the evidence she needs to determine that he’s nuts. But while it wasn’t entirely out of the realm of possibility that Sam or Clint had been making trouble just to needle him, the far more likely scenario was that Bucky Barnes was Darcy Lewis’s soulmate. He could feel his heart start to race as his breathing technique failed and panic set in. 

He paused at the corner, pressing his right hand against the building to steady himself. He kept his left hand firmly in his pocket, cursing that he didn’t have a glove to cover it. At least he was wearing long sleeves. Without the glove and a hat, he felt far too exposed. He was backsliding - he hadn’t felt this uneasy on the street in years.

What the hell had Darcy done in a past life to deserve getting stuck with a trainwreck of a human like him?

He’d heard plenty of stories about the people in Steve and Clint’s circle of heroes and misfits over the years. Darcy featured in a good number of them, given her proximity to Clint during their time in New Mexico and subsequent friendship. He’d always eaten those stories up - he may not have wanted to socialize with Steve’s new friends, but that didn’t mean he didn’t like the idea of them. Even if the stories about Darcy were bullshit, it was a harmless fantasy to imagine a girl like that existed. Had Natasha not shown up in Steve’s life when she had, it had always sounded to him like Darcy was the type of girl his friend would have been hopelessly sweet on.

Hell, had they met in another life, Darcy sounded exactly like the kind of girl _he_ would have been hopelessly sweet on. (Fuck it, who was he kidding - he was already hopelessly sweet on her and they’d barely met. It made him a creep and she would be far better off staying far, _far_ away from him.)

But this wasn’t some other life - he was a mess and if he was supposed to be any kind of _anything_ to Darcy, he needed to pull himself together. His breathing finally evened out and he resumed walking.

In his quieter moments - the ones not plagued with guilt and nightmares, the ones where he would allow himself a few seconds of hopeful fantasy - this was the exact thing he’d been dreaming about since coming back to New York. One day finding his soulmate. The thought set butterflies loose in his chest. Someone to actually love and love him in return? It was more than he’d dared hope for not all that long ago. It was a pretty dream, and one to which he’d lost many an hour indulging lately.

Maybe, if he was lucky, they would be close to his biological age, rather than wandering around a nursing home somewhere. That would be okay too, but he would hate to think that his soulmate had spent a lifetime waiting for him, only to meet so close to a likely end.

Maybe, if he was exceptionally far more lucky than he had any right to be _and_ if the person was amenable, they could try to make a go of it. If they weren’t - okay, maybe they would be able to be friends, or at least get to know one another before parting ways. He had held out no hope of that happening though - the scales had tipped against him so long ago and he knew that there wasn’t any kind of happy ending with his soulmate waiting for him. It was still a nice thought, even if it was a futile one.

In his more recent, fantastical daydreams, he’d even mentally cast Darcy in the role of his soulmate a few times (thirty-seven and a half, but who was counting?). Everything he’d ever heard about the woman said that she didn’t scare easy and was loyal almost to a fault. Wouldn’t that be a dream - a soulmate who wouldn’t run when his past inevitably caught up with them?

Darcy was smart, steadfast, stunning - she was loved by his friends and by all accounts was everything he’d ever wanted in his soulmate. But the entire fantasy depended upon Bucky having sorted out the mess that was his brain before ever meeting them. The actual circumstances under which he and Darcy had now finally met caused the entire dream to come crashing down around his head.

He had been a fool, ever daring to hope for better.

The universe had to hate him. It was really the only explanation. Sure, he had a soulmate - but he would lose her before he ever had a chance with her because he was a disaster of a human and he would spend the rest of his life with regret, tormented by thoughts of what might have been.

His feet carried him towards the nearest subway station. He pulled his wallet from his pocket and ran the MTA card through the reader to access the platform. He wove through the crowd of people to reach the Uptown platform and hoped that the A train wasn’t delayed again. The last time he’d braved the subway, he’d been stuck on a crowded platform for 45 minutes and then spent the entire ride to the Fulton Street station fighting off a panic attack. He’d gone back above ground after that and had avoided the subway ever since.

At the top of the stairs, he could see the utter mass of people crowded onto the platform and he muttered a curse under his breath. Too many people. He was already a mess, he couldn’t hang around like this. He turned around abruptly, catching the shoulder of a man attempting to pass him. He instinctively threw a mental “thank you” to the universe for catching the man with his flesh shoulder, before remembering that he was pissed at the universe at the moment for doing this to Darcy and putting them through this.

“Sorry,” he muttered to the man as he made his way back out of the gate and into the afternoon air. Maybe he could just walk for a while. The fresh air would help clear his head.

If only every brunette that crossed his path didn’t make him think of Darcy.


	6. Chapter 6

“Do you have anything of Bucky’s here? Anything with his scent on it?” Darcy asked Steve.

Steve’s eyebrows reached his hairline. “Pardon?”

She pointed at Lucky. “We’re going to go find him.”

“Oh.” Steve looked abashed for a moment, before heading over to the hall closet and opening the door. “I think he’s got a jacket in here somewhere. Not sure when he last wore it though.”

_Men. Honestly._

“It’s fine. Lucky’s a wonderpup, aren’t you?” She reached down to scratch behind Lucky’s ears. 

“Really,” Steve replied flatly.

Darcy glared at him. “Lucky still needs his walk anyway, so he’ll walk to wherever Bucky ran off to and then we’ll all come back here and figure out a better solution than Bucky hiding in his apartment for all eternity.” 

Darcy grabbed the hoodie from Steve, resecured Lucky’s leash, and made for the elevator. Once outside, she gave Lucky a good whiff of Bucky’s hoodie. Lucky let out a joyful bark and set off around the corner, pulling Darcy along behind him. 

***

An hour later, they were still walking and Darcy was regretting every decision she ever made that led her to this point. Seriously, once she found her erstwhile soulmate, they’re going to have a serious discussion about the differences in stamina. For both mundane and more R-rated activities, because Darcy was not blind to how yummy James Barnes was - even when he wasn’t trying to be.

She was really going to have to start going to the gym. 

***

Two hours after _that_ realization, Darcy collapsed in a heap onto a bench outside Avengers Tower. The trail had gone cold and Darcy cursed at herself under her breath because _of course_ Bucky would come here. The security briefing she’d been subject to when signing on to work for the Avengers Science Division had included information on the enhanced containment rooms available for those with...special needs. If Bucky had been feeling a little unbalanced, it made perfect sense that he would try to get somewhere where he couldn’t hurt anyone.

And that thoughtfulness was sexy dammit. While being wildly attracted to her soulmate was a definite bonus, the universe was still an asshole for it. Darcy had been going through a bit of a dry spell since she and Ian split four years ago and Bucky Barnes was far more her type than Ian had ever been.

The sun had started to set and there was a slight chill in the air. Darcy shrugged into Bucky’s hoodie, figuring it wouldn’t matter at this point - she’d been handling the thing for the last three hours and Bucky was likely inside the Tower anyway. She felt a little better almost immediately. The hoodie felt like a hug and she really needed to know where he got it because she wanted one in every color. Lucky looked up at her, panting. She scratched behind his ears and murmured soft praise to him. She finally dragged herself off the bench and made her way inside.

Clint was waiting in the lobby. “Hey,” he greeted.

“If you even knew Bucky was here this whole time while I was dragged all over the city -”

Clint looked confused. “What?”

Darcy sighed. “Bucky’s MIA. Lucky led us here.” Darcy looked around the lobby, slightly dismayed. “It is a big ass tower though.”

Clint eyed Darcy. “Everything okay? I haven’t heard from Cap…”

“We’re fine. Just looking for Bucky.” Darcy really didn’t want to explain this to Clint. Not yet. She needed to find Bucky first and then she could deal with the rest of the world.

Clint nodded, still watching Darcy carefully. “You are looking for Bucky.”

“Yep.”

“Do a search on Bucky’s access codes.” 

“I can do that?”

Clint leveled a look at her. 

_Ah._

“I mean...that would be a serious breach of Tower security and no one should ever contemplate attempting something like that,” she amended with a smile.

Clint grabbed Lucky’s leash. “I’m getting my dog out of here before you get him arrested. Again.”

“One time!” she called after him as he headed for the elevator bank. She turned to one of the lobby information kiosks and tapped in her access code.

“Kaaaaaareeeeeeen,” she sang at the AI, “I need a favor.”

***

Bucky was startled out of his spiral of self-loathing by the sound of someone approaching. He stiffened, unsure if he should secure the door to his containment room. Female, early 30s, wearing worn sneakers, and tired, from the sound of it.

_Darcy._

He pulled himself into a standing position and waited for her to make her way down the hall and open the door.

A few seconds later she did, and he got his first real look at her. Well, first real look that wasn’t a photo or him surreptitiously watching as she collected her mail. The first time he was looking at her and she was looking back at him. He abscently wondered what she saw as he cataloged her appearance and commited the moment to memory. Scuffed sneakers, well-loved jeans, a hoodie - _his hoodie_ , he recognized with a jolt - and a tired expression. 

And damn, if the sight of her wearing his hoodie didn’t send his heart rate into the stratosphere. She obviously wouldn’t have been wearing it when she arrived at Steve’s earlier - he had to have given it to her. If he were more of a romantic, he might have thought the universe was trying to tell him that she really was meant for him. He hadn’t been forgotten. Everything would work out okay.

His chest ached at the thought that she could potentially be his soulmate. He’d run at the first sign of trouble, and here she was chasing after him anyway. If a third of the stories he’d heard about her were even halfway true, he knew he could fall for her without a second thought. Hell, he had already been halfway in love with the _idea_ of her from the stories he’d heard.

He didn’t want to think about any stories she might have heard about him.

But regardless of anything she might have heard about him, she was here and that was more than he could have hoped for - more than he expected, which he knew said more about his state of mind than her character. He could _happily_ fall for the real her standing in front of him and that was something new. For him. These days, anyway.

They stared at each other in silence. There wasn’t pity in her eyes, for which he was grateful. There was sadness, and a bit of determination. And then suddenly, a tiny bit of mischief as she smirked at him.

She reached forward and grabbed his hand, tugging on it, clearly wanting him to follow her. He let her lead, startled by her casual contact. When was the last time someone had held his hand? She made her way easily through the twisting hallways and until they reached the elevator bank. When the elevator came, she pressed the button for the 42nd floor and gave his hand a squeeze. 

As the elevator doors opened, she froze, as though she just remembered something. She turned to him with a guilty expression. She pointed out towards the hall and twisted her face into an expression that he could only identify as “eeeeek!”

He followed her gesture and was confused for a moment and then-

_Oh._

Affection swelled in his chest. “The labs are fine,” he said quietly. Yes, he could absolutely fall head over heels for this woman. Quickly. With absolutely no effort at all.

She squeezed his hand again with a smile and pulled him along in her wake.


	7. Chapter 7

Darcy lead the way through the labs, keeping Bucky’s hand firmly in her grip. She navigated the maze of corridors with ease, as though she’d been wandering through them since the Tower had been built. Her good sense of direction had come in handy on more than one occasion.

Leading Bucky was awkward though - she had to keep biting her lip to prevent herself from calling out directions, or warning him about the glass bottles of caustic chemicals that some of the less careful scientists left all over the floor, or even just filling the silence with chatter. She instead used soft pressure on his hand, giving it a tiny squeeze when they needed to slow down or rubbing her thumb across the back of his hand when she noticed something she would normally comment on. She didn’t receive any response from him at all.

She glanced at him. He was stoically staring ahead, but must have felt eyes on him. She gave him her best grin and did a mental happy dance when she received a tiny twitch of the lips in return.

When they reached Jane and Darcy’s lab, Darcy knocked on the doorframe and lead him inside.

“Hey Janey.”

“Darcy! I thought you were gone for the day.” Jane looked up from the notes scattered around her on the floor and her brow wrinkled in confusion when she saw Bucky hovering behind Darcy.

Darcy glanced at Bucky with a tiny grin, intertwined their fingers, and gave his hand yet another squeeze, then returned her attention to Jane.

“So, remember how you took a year to fully invest yourself in some pretty heavy soulmate research after things with you and Thor went haywire?”

“Yes…” Jane looked seriously confused.

“And you’re my best friend and a completely trustworthy person to divulge sensitive information and personal stories to? Complete with security clearance?”

“Darcy, what are you-”

“You can tell her,” Bucky interrupted softly. 

Darcy glanced at him in acknowledgement, then turned back to Jane, her face set in a determined expression. “Jane, this is going to sound completely batshit banana-balls, but Bucky Barnes said my Words and I can’t say anything to him in return for fear he might turn all murderbot and kill me.”

Jane blinked. “Start at the beginning.”

Darcy launched into her story, telling Jane everything that had happened over the last few hours. Bucky didn’t say much, just moved behind Darcy and not looking at either of them. 

“So I can’t say anything to him because it’s entirely possible I could trigger an episode,” Darcy finished and then jumped in excitement. “Wait! What if I asked Clint to teach us sign language? Then we could totally communicate while we figure this out!”

Jane opened her mouth to answer, but Bucky cut her off.

“You’d learn an entirely new language just to talk to me?” He looked incredulous, as though he couldn’t imagine anyone doing anything like that for him. The fact that he would even think that made her sad - and more determined than ever to figure this out.

Darcy shot a panicked look at Jane. 

_How do I answer without actually answering you?_

“Hey Janey,” she said slowly. “Did I ever tell you about the time I blackmailed my parents into buying me German language software because there was a transfer kid on my school bus and no one in our entire school spoke German?”

_Yes. I would learn another language just to talk to you. I’d do a hell of a lot more just to talk to you._

She heard Bucky hit the chair suddenly, as his legs gave up on him. She snuck a look back at him. He was hunched over, his head in his hands. Her heart ached at the sight and she had to hold herself back from going to him. Her fingers itched, burning with the need to run a soothing hand over his hair.

Jane cleared her throat uncomfortably. “Signing won’t work - there were a bunch of studies done in the 1970s after a spike in reports of people seeing their Words.”

“Oh.” Darcy deflated a little. “What about...I don’t know - a dry erase board, or I’ll just type everything out on my phone. It’ll take forever, but it’ll get the job done.”

Jane looked defeated and shook her head. “I’m sorry, Darcy. Even a nod of your head could do it.”

“She waved at me earlier,” Bucky said quietly.

Darcy furrowed her brow. She did? She totally might have, but she couldn’t recall. Oh. If she did then...but he said her Words and…

Her shoulders slumped. She’d kind of really liked the idea of Bucky Barnes being her soulmate. It was an idea only a few hours old, but it had taken root in her heart.

“Did it look like this?” Jane made a semi-waving motion with her arm. “Was she talking to someone at the time?” At Bucky’s nod, Jane continued. “She wasn’t waving at you. Darcy talks with her hands - confuses the heck out of people on the subway sometimes.”

Darcy chuckled. “I do do that, don’t I?” She snuck a glance at Bucky, whose face at settled into a blank, unreadable expression. “He definitely said my Words, so...we could be…” Darcy couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across her face as her voice trailed off.

“You could be,” Jane confirmed.

Darcy jumped when Bucky’s chair scraped across the floor suddenly and he threw open the door with a bang and - for the second time today - was gone.

“Jane...what do we do?” Darcy asked softly, staring at the door.

“I don’t know, Darcy. I don’t know.”

Darcy nodded sadly. “I should…” she gestured towards the door. 

“To do what?” Jane asked kindly.

Darcy shrugged helplessly. “Be there.”

It took a good 30 minutes of determined wandering through the halls, but Darcy finally found Bucky. He was slouched on the floor, leaning against the wall of an empty office and staring at the wall opposite. She knocked on the doorframe lightly.

Bucky jumped a little as he directed his gaze towards the door. His eyes widened at Darcy and his posture stiffened, but he didn’t say anything.

She held her hands up in a placating gesture until he settled again. She slowly approached then slid down the wall to sit next him.

They stared at each other while Darcy traced her fingers down Bucky’s arm until she reached his hand. She tugged it into her lap, wrapping her fingers around his, and rested her head on his shoulder. She watched the shadows on the wall change as the light outside changed. Soon, her eyes slipped closed.

***

_“Blinding me with science_  
_Science!_  
_Science!_  
_I can smell the chemicals_  
_Blinding me with science_  
_Science!_  
_Sci-”_

Darcy silenced her phone midway through Thomas Dolby’s chorus.

“Hey Janey,” she answered, her voice scratchy.

_“Darcy, where are you? I stopped by your apartment last night, but you didn’t answer.”_

Darcy blinked rapidly, trying to clear the sleep from her eyes and wake up a little. “Uh...the Tower still? What time is it?”

_“10 am. Did you stay out all night?”_

“I’ll be in the lab soon, Jane. I’m going to grab some coffee and I’ll be in.”

_“Darcy -”_

Darcy hung up the call before Jane could say anything else and looked around. She was on her side, using Bucky’s legs as a pillow, his right arm wrapped around her. She slowly extracted herself and sat up, surprised to find Bucky staring at her. He’d been so still, she assumed he was still asleep.

_Damn assassins._

“You, uh. You looked pretty comfortable. I didn’t want to wake you.”

A slow smile spread across her face. She hoped it communicated to him that she didn’t mind.

“You gotta go?”

Her smile faded and she looked down. 

Bucky hummed in acknowledgement, then stood up and offered his hand to help her to her feet. She tugged on his hand to bring him closer and to encourage him to lean down. She pressed a kiss to his cheek, then stepped back with a smile.

_We’ll figure this out, soulmate. You’ll see. Darcy Lewis doesn’t give up without a fight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, were you expecting Darcy's ringtone for Jane to be something _other_ than "She Blinded Me With Science"?


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you're wondering...yes, the chapter count went up. Happy pretend Friday.

Darcy Lewis was a talker. A complete chatterbox. Is that silence you’re hearing? No, because Darcy filled it with a joke or a story or an observation.

Having a soulmate she couldn’t speak to was complete and utter hell.

Darcy Lewis was also not one to let the universe get her down, however. She threw herself into reading every resource she could find on soulmates and Words and all the ways that they could go wrong. Doctoral work (and everyday lab work) came to a screeching halt and she and Jane tore through every bit of research they could get their hands on. People had catastrophic brain injuries all the time - they forgot their Words, or lost the ability to speak, or any other number of things that prevented the so-called “normal” course of things. (Oh had she wanted to set something on fire when she uncovered _that_ lovely turn of phrase in her scholarly searches.) Granted, Darcy and Bucky’s case was a little unique, but Darcy held out hope that there was _something_ out there that could help them. If Jane had any doubts or reservations, she kept them to herself.

Today, Darcy was taking a slightly different approach. Sam Wilson had been Bucky’s de facto counselor for years now and already knew the details of Bucky’s case. Surely, he would have _some_ idea of how to treat or remove Bucky’s triggers so that she could actually talk to him without then immediately running for her life. 

Or requiring an Avenger escort. Ugh, Steve Rogers was great and all, but she did not want him tagging along to chaperone a date. Talk about a mood-killer.

Sam’s door was open, so she knocked on the doorframe to get his attention.

“Darcy, just the lady I wanted to see.” Sam waved her into his office.

“Hey Sam. Nice digs. I didn’t realize they were setting you up officially.”

“Well, since I retired from field work, I figured I could still make myself useful.” Sam grinned. “Anything you’d like to talk about?”

Darcy smiled sweetly. “I’m not here to talk about me.”

Sam’s grin faded. “Darcy, I know this thing with Barnes is tough-”

“I just want to know how to help him.”

“I don’t know that you can.”

The blunt statement stung, but Darcy wasn’t deterred. “I’m his soulmate - who better to help him? The universe decreed it.” Darcy countered.

“It’s not that simple.”

Darcy leveled her patented “You’re Being An Idiot” look at him. “It’s accepted science that the universe knows what it’s doing when assigning soulmates. Our soulmate is the best match for each of us, to get us through anything and everything we will face in this life. I am the lucky soulmate of one Bucky Barnes, I can help.”

“ _If_ you’re his soulmate. We don’t know that you are.”

“He said my Words,” Darcy argued, a little petulantly, putting her hands on her hips. She stopped herself from stomping her foot, but just barely. She gave herself a mental pat on the back for her restraint.

“I know. And if he really is your soulmate, at some point you’re going to have to deal with exactly has happened here.” Darcy bristled. She’d never harbored any illusions about a magical first meeting with her soulmate or a sudden feeling of completion and correctness or any of the other nonsense society tried to sell. She knew exactly how wrong the whole soulmate thing could go, how much pain it could cause. There was no reason to dwell on it - what had happened happened. All that was left was to fix it.

Sam raised his hands at her thunderous expression and leaned against his desk, keeping his posture open and shifting the topic back to Bucky. “I know this is hard, but we just don’t know enough about his triggers.”

“Then what the hell have you been doing the last few years?” Darcy snapped. First Sam tries to pry into things she definitely did not want to pry into, and now he’s claiming that he knows nothing about Bucky’s triggers? Why, exactly, were they paying him again?

Sam leveled his own “You’re Being An Idiot” look at her, but didn’t reply.

Darcy sighed again and tried to calm herself down. This wasn’t Sam’s fault - it wasn’t anyone’s fault besides those HYDRA bastards, but they weren’t here to tase at the moment, so she had to let her anger and frustration go. For now. 

“Look - we know that the others are all definitely audible triggers - he had to hear the words being spoken. This one though,” Sam shook his head. “We just don’t know. Bucky is vehement that HYDRA was desperate to keep him from his soulmate. The crafty bastards came up with plenty of sick ideas when they weren’t desperate - I worry how far they let that desperation push them.”

Yet another thing to hate HYDRA for. Darcy added it to the mental list of reasons she was going to help Steve & Co burn the remnants of that evil organization down while her heart broke for Bucky. “I just…” she trailed off. 

Sam seemed to understand though. “Honestly? Everything you’ve been doing? Being there for him, chasing him down when he runs away? It’s the best thing you could be doing right now.” He sighed. “He’s been running for a long time. Even when he’s been right here with us.”

Darcy was quiet for a moment. “So. Until we figure something else out...”

“Yeah. Until we figure something else out.”

***

Bucky woke up from his nap on the couch to an incessant knocking on his front door. He groggily stood up and stumbled to answer it. 

He heart skipped a beat in his chest when he looked through the peephole and realized that it was Darcy standing on the other side of the door. He’d been hiding from her the last few weeks - ever since she’d tracked him down in the Tower. He hadn’t known what do or say - or if he even should. Maybe he should just let her go.

He scrambled to undo the locks and open the door. She shoved something into his hands and then reached down to pet Lucky, who was sitting at her feet waiting to be taken for his walk. 

“We listen to playlists in the order they’re in, don’t we Lucky? When someone makes a playlist, they put a lot of thought into both the song choices and the song order.” Lucky bobbed his head like he was nodding at her, then looked at Bucky with his doggie grin. 

Bucky looked at her in confusion as she straightened up, gave him a grin, and then set off with Lucky towards the elevator. He looked down at whatever she’d shoved into his hands. It was an iPod, with earbuds wrapped around it. 

She’d...made him a playlist?

He looked back down the hall the way she’d gone, but the elevator doors had already closed, whisking her and Lucky away towards the ground floor.

He turned back into his apartment and shut the door behind him, making sure to flip the deadbolt into place. As he wandered back towards the couch, he unwrapped the earbuds from around the iPod and turned it on.

She hadn’t made him a playlist. She’d made him _fifteen_ playlists. Each one was named for a different mood or feeling or expression. The first playlist was called “Darcy Lewis: An Introduction.” A warm smile worked its way across his face as a solid burst of affection bloomed in his chest. He set the earbuds into his ears and pressed play.

His clever soulmate had seemingly found a way to communicate with him after all.

***

Darcy’s music was brilliant. Her “Hit Something” playlist might be one of his new favorite things - it had been especially cathartic listening to it while beating the stuffing out of the basement gym’s heavy bag after a particularly rough session with Sam. He’s fairly certain her “Dreamland” playlist is the only reason he’d been able to fall asleep at a human hour - and actually stay asleep for longer than 45 minutes.

Her “I Should Get Off My Lazy Ass And Do Something Productive” playlist was softly playing throughout his apartment as he cleaned up the kitchen a few days later when there was another knock at the door. He couldn’t stop the smile that worked its way across his face when he saw Darcy through the peephole. He opened the door and nodded at her. 

She held out a bag, gave him another one of her sunny smiles, and was gone.

He peeked inside. Books, all well loved. His own smile grew a little bigger as he closed the door again.

Message received, Darcy. Apparently, his could-be soulmate had decided that she wasn’t going to let him hide away. He was starting to get the feeling that a lot of those stories he’d heard about her were true.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Pretend Fridays in one week. It's been that kind of week.

Darcy hesitated before knocking on Bucky’s door. She didn’t have anything to give him today, but she still really wanted to see him. The only problem was she had no idea if _he_ wanted to see _her_. Maybe she should have brought a movie.

He could speak to her! Any time he damn well pleased, actually. But still, nothing. He’d hidden away after the day they’d met, which she could sort of understand. But now, after the hours she’s spent building the playlists and hunting down the books in her mess of a box-filled apartment, she’d been hoping for...something. Anything.

She was met with nothing but silence.

It’s one thing if he doesn’t want her - ouch, but survivable. Her mother survived getting ditched by her soulmate. It was hell for awhile, but life moved on. She hoped to avoid that - even if Bucky wasn’t interested in anything romantic, they could at least be friends. Once they figured out this trigger nonsense, anyway. Maybe even before, if he put in a tiny bit of effort. At the moment, she was doing all the heavy lifting and her unenhanced arms were tired. Figuratively speaking.

On the other hand, it’s quite another thing if he’s going to put them both through immeasurable misery because he’s afraid of something that might or might not happen. Life has not been kind to him and he’s kind of a wreck, she got that - she’s not a monster. But cheese and rice dude, the universe put them together for a reason. 

She could help him. She wasn’t being presumptuous, she knew it. In her _bones_ , she knew that she could in some small way help him.

If he let her.

She gathered all her courage and knocked on the door.

It flew open to reveal a slightly smiling Bucky. She looked him over, briefly. No one should make sweatpants look that good. It wasn’t fair. Even the bags under his eyes added to the appeal. Jerk.

“Hi,” he said softly.

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, burying herself in his chest. He froze momentarily, but then quickly wrapped his arms around her as well, holding her in place and he quietly sighed. 

Oh. That was nice. That was...really nice. Best hug-giver ever, her soulmate. Lucky her.

She breathed him in. She could smell his laundry detergent and something...else. Whatever it was, the tiny headache that had been developing behind her eyes immediately fled, so she took another deep breath as he gently rocked her back and forth, tracing small circles on her back.

***

When he’d opened the door, he’d expected Darcy to hand him something new and wander off again. Maybe movies this time or more books. He hated that she ran off each time, but what else could she be expected to do, really? He should be thankful she was doing any of this at all. But as soon as he got a good look at the expression on her face, a look not distorted by the fish-eye glass of the peephole, he knew something was up. Her normally sunny demeanor was muted and she looked like she was struggling with something.

Panic filled him. Maybe she’d decided he wasn’t worth the hassle. Maybe she wanted to forget any of this ever happened and wanted to go their separate ways.

If his Words were her telling him that she couldn’t love him, that this was all too much and they should just be strangers again, he wasn’t entirely sure what he would do with himself. 

Flinging himself off the roof had potential.

“Hi,” he said, not knowing what else to do. What else to say.

And then she surprised him once again by burying herself in his chest.

Where she fit perfectly. After he recovered from his surprise, he pulled her closer, wrapping his arms around her and burying his face in her hair. The scent of her chased away the perpetual headache he had these days and it was all he could do to hold her.

He wasn’t sure he wanted to ever let go.

True, they weren’t _confirmed_ soulmates - not yet anyway - but she also didn’t seem to be going anywhere. Every time he’d run or tried to hide she chased him down. When she found him, she didn’t push or grate the way Steve or Sam could. She made him feel like less of a mess. It was better - he’d only known her a few weeks, but she’d already made things so much better.

_Okay, Darcy, you win. I’m in._

***

Darcy wasn’t entirely sure how long they stood in his doorway like that. When they finally did separate, she felt better. Reassured, somehow. She wasn’t alone in this. Bucky was there. They would figure this out.

She gave him a small grin and tucked some of his long hair back behind his ear. His eyes slipped closed at her touch and she could feel her face heat up slightly.

He grabbed her hand as she pulled it back and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

Yep, that’s her heart in a puddle on the floor. Ugh this guy. She _so_ hit the jackpot in the soulmate department. Minus the whole can’t talk for fear of triggering a murderbot thing. No one’s perfect.

“It’s not fair,” he muttered.

She tilted her head in confusion.

“That I can talk to you, but you can’t talk to me.” He drew a line with this thumb across her fingers before releasing her hand. His lips twitched in amusement. “Especially since I’m pretty quiet these days,” he said dryly.

_Me too, Soulmate. Me too._


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus points if you find the "Hell's Kitchen Movie Club" reference.

Bucky opened the door to find Kate Bishop glaring at him. This was actually not all that unusual. Kate had taken over most of the landlord-ing for Clint, because Clint was Clint and someone had to do it. No one ever said she had to be chipper about it though.

No, this was unusual because he paid his rent last week and Kate generally avoided him otherwise. They’d never even spoken - she’d show up, hold out a hand, and he would drop a pile of cash into it. Simple.

Kate’s eyes narrowed, then she broke into rapid sign language.

Bucky stared at her, dumbfounded, then held up a hand.

“First, I don’t know sign language. Second, according to Doctor Foster, if you were my soulmate, you would have triggered my Words just now. Third, you’re not running away screaming, so I’m going to assume these aren’t your Words.”

Kate continued to glare at him for another beat, then seemed to let it go. “You hurt Darcy, I’m going to rip your arm off and beat you to death with it.”

“Is that what you signed?”

Kate shrugged. “More or less.”

“Those would have been terrible Words.”

The glare was back and Bucky grinned. Kate made a “I’m watching you” gesture, then walked away.

“Quick question - how many more shovel talks am I in for?” he yelled down the hall after her.

“How many people do you know?” Kate replied without turning around.

“Right,” he muttered, closing and locking the door. “Right.”

***

Darcy highlighted another passage in the journal she was reading, the sound of the highlighter moving across the page breaking the stillness of Bucky’s living room. She was cuddled into his couch, wrapped up in his hoodie (that was totally hers now, finders keepers and all), and resting her feet in his lap. Every once in awhile, she’d wiggle her toes and he would gently rub the balls of her feet as he continued to read one of the books she’d given him.

She thought it was a pretty fucking perfect evening, all things considered. 

He looked over at her, catching her staring. She grinned a little sheepishly, and then tried to return her attention to her article. A slow smile slid across his face and he gave her ankle an affectionate squeeze as he returned his attention to the book.

She loved these nights - even though not a single word was said, she felt she learned more about him every time. She had been surprised to find that Bucky was a voracious reader - he plowed through books at a pace that rivaled her own and she would bet that if he’d ever bothered to count, he read more than 100 books in a year. 

That he hated to be cold was also a recent discovery. Knowing what she knew about his past, this wasn’t necessarily a surprise, but instead of pulling on an extra pair of socks and curling up under a blanket the way she would, he preferred to cuddle up to her. Darcy had zero complaints on that front. Bucky Barnes was an _excellent_ cuddler. Complete master of the art. Good grief.

If she’d suddenly realized that perhaps he was so fond of tucking her into his side because he’d likely been touch starved for seven decades, she was ignoring it. It was an important part of his past, a part that shaped the person he was today, but it was also damn depressing and she refused to think about it during the limited time she had with him every night. She could cry about it later. For now, she thanked her lucky stars that she was a very tactile person, so in that regard they were well suited.

She flipped ahead in the journal to see how much of the article she had left to read. She frowned when she saw she only had another page to go. 

Ever since the hallway hugging incident, Darcy and Bucky had fallen into a routine - she’d show up a little after dinner, and they would read together. Usually it was only for as long as it took for him to finish a few chapters in whatever he was reading or for her to plow through a journal article. If she only had another page to go, her time tonight was almost up. 

She pushed her glasses into her hair and rubbed at her eyes. She didn’t want to leave. But she didn’t have anything else to do - or at least, not without going to Bucky’s bookshelf and pulling down a book. She wasn’t entirely sure how he would take that. There was no way to ask either - or see if he’d want to watch a movie or play cards or go for a walk or do anything else for that matter. She really wanted to know the story behind the broken telescope stashed in the corner and if he had plans to fix it. Lucky was with Clint, so she couldn’t even take advantage of _that_ loophole and direct any comment she’d make to the dog.

When she replaced her glasses, she realized Bucky was staring at her with concern. She gave him a tired smile - it was the only response she could make really. She held up her journal and flipped to the next page - the last page.

Recognition flickered in his eyes. “Oh,” he said quietly and removed his hand from her ankle, looking away sadly.

She frantically wiggled her toes to get his attention. When he looked up at her, she glared at him and snuggled further into the couch with a huff. He watched her with some trepidation that quickly turned to amusement.

“Not quite ready to go, then?”

She gave him a satisfied smile.

_Take that, universe. We’ll come up with our own way to communicate._

***

Bucky paced behind his living room couch. Darcy would likely be showing up any minute for their nightly reading session. It was a routine that he would fight to keep, as he was quickly becoming addicted to seeing her everyday. Even though she couldn’t speak to him, he felt like he was learning more and more about her every time she showed up to his apartment. That was probably the point. His Darcy was utterly brilliant.

Okay, that might be jumping ahead a bit - she wasn’t _his_. Just because he’d said her Words and they enjoyed each others company and spent a part of every night together…There was a slight ache in his chest. He had no idea how she might feel about being considered “his.” But he was pretty sure that he wanted to be hers.

His initial thought had been right - he could fall for Darcy Lewis with absolutely no effort at all.

She might be the smartest person he’d ever met. Not the most intelligent - that would probably go to Stark (Howard or Tony - it was a toss up). But he saw the way she could break down an academic theory into digestible chunks so that the non-geniuses working in the Avengers Science Division could understand them. He’d also heard - at length - about how she’d immediately put both Steve and Sam in their place regarding their predicament. There was no hesitation - she assessed the situation, found their solutions to be lacking, and set out to create her own. She was also unerringly kind and fiercely loyal and fantastically stubborn. 

He kind of loved her for it.

But he was also afraid that she would soon tire of this routine. And honestly, who would could blame her? He’s not sure what he’d ever done to earn the universe’s ire and Darcy certainly didn’t deserve to be swept up in his shitty luck. The best he could hope for is that they would figure out how to deal with his triggers before she tired of him. 

Hence the pacing. Strictly speaking, they didn’t _have_ to stay in his apartment - neither of them were prisoners or anything. But outside the safety of these walls, there were a few too many variables. A few too many ways she could accidentally say something and trigger the Soldier. A few too many risks he simply was not willing to take with her safety.

Maybe she’d be interested in watching something? His movie knowledge was terrible - he’d never bothered to make an effort to catch up. The occasional movie night with Frank Castle didn’t count - all they ever watched were bad action movies. His television knowledge started and finished with _Dog Cops_ , thanks to Clint. He knew there was a whole plethora of television out there these days - surely, there had to be _something_ they could both enjoy?

And maybe, with some advance notice, they could even have dinner together some night. 

A silent dinner.

He scrubbed his face with his hands. That sounded like a terrible idea. 

What he wouldn’t give for a science convention right now. She could probably tell him all about how every single exhibit was wrong...if she could talk to him. 

His pacing was interrupted by a knock on the door. He glanced at his watch - that had to be her. He opened to find a nervous looking Darcy on the other side. Before he could do anything she pulled a DVD from behind her back, with a “What do you think?” expression on her face.

He pulled her into a hug and chuckled in relief.

***

About 20 minutes into the movie, Darcy realized her mistake.

She was a movie talker. A big one.

Especially during _The Great Race_. 

She’d picked it for a few reasons - one being that it was her all-time favorite movie and she wanted to share it with Bucky. It was unlikely to include anything that might bring up uncomfortable memories for him and - bonus points - it was also over 3 hours long, allowing for plenty of cuddle time.

During any other viewing, she’d be practically reciting the film (“Push the button, Max!” or “Banished! Banished! Banished!” were frequent reenactments in her life - even when she wasn’t watching the movie). She’d gotten into more than one argument with friends over the years regarding The Great Leslie’s treatment of Maggie Dubois throughout the film. And there were the always entertaining attempts to figure out the actual logistics of driving around the world - there happened to be just a little bit of an ocean between New York and Paris, after all.

None of this crossed Darcy’s mind when she’d decided to change things up a bit for tonight’s visit with Bucky, however, and now Darcy was paying the price. She was happily tucked into his side, his arms around her, but her thumb was already red and raw from chewing on it in an attempt to stop herself from speaking. She was afraid she might actually draw blood soon. She snuggled closer to him and closed her eyes, trying to focus less on the movie and more on his heartbeat, but that only worked for a little while.

Her tension must have been obvious. Bucky shifted slightly to grab the remote from the coffee table and pause the film. He ducked his head a little to try to see her face, but she was excellent at hiding behind her hair when she wanted to. Right now she definitely wanted to - this whole idea was blowing up in her face.

“Hey,” he murmured. “I’m lost - does the movie get scary or somethin’? You’re really tense.”

She gave him a withering look and he grinned back at her, before sobering quickly.

“Do you...not want to be here?” he asked quietly. “I just assumed, with the movie and all but I can sit on the other-”

She clapped a hand over his mouth and continued to glare at him. She really wasn’t going to come back if he was going to continue to have silly ideas like that.

He gently grasped the hand that was over his mouth and pulled it away. He immediately saw her poor abused thumb. “Ah. You talk during movies, don’t you?”

She gave him a sheepish grin and smacked a hand to her forehead. He chuckled and pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

“We could read like we usually do. Or...if you’d rather just go home…”

Tears pricked her eyes. She tried to blink them back, but failed. She fell forward, resting her forehead on his chest to hide her tears. Her shoulders shook with a silent sob that she couldn’t contain.

What she really wanted to do was talk to him. Desperately. 

He held her as she cried, stroking her hair and keeping her close. She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she might have felt a tear or two of his fall into her hair as well.

Minutes passed as the dam holding back all of Darcy's emotions finally broke. Her tears soaked through Bucky's shirt, but he didn't appear to notice or mind - he just kept stroking her hair as she cried. When she finally felt a little more in control of her emotions again, she gently pulled back from him. He kept her close, and rested his forehead against hers.

“I really want to talk to you, too.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone. Wanted to give you a heads up - this chapter starts out with Bucky’s nightmare about hurting Darcy. Nothing exceptionally graphic, but I wanted to give a warning out of an overabundance of caution. If you'd prefer to avoid it altogether, you can skip past the italicized paragraphs at the start of the chapter.
> 
> Take care of yourselves. <3

_Darcy’s lips moved, but he couldn’t make out what she was saying, her words drowned out by the red fog of brainwashing that HYDRA had planted in him long ago._

_Her words. His Words._

_Her eyes widened as she realized her mistake and she slowly, methodically began to back away from him. Bucky’s mind screamed apologies as his consciousness was shoved back by the Soldier, reducing him to an unwilling participant and reluctant witness to what was about to happen._

_Darcy’s back hit the door and she fumbled for the knob as he advanced on her. She couldn’t quite manage all of the locks he’d put in place before he reached her._

_She was talking to him - saying...something. He attempted to make out the words - her desperate attempts to reach him, to talk him down, to force back the Soldier and draw Bucky back out._

_She had no way to know that he was still there, watching and helpless._

_A darker part of him acknowledged that the Soldier was a part of him, had always been a part of him. He’d always been the one to do the dirty work. It was his job to methodically eliminate those who got in the way. A lifetime ago, he’d done it to keep Steve’s hands relatively clean. But it had always been a part of him. HYDRA had merely perverted it to serve their darker purpose._

_He should have given her his file ages ago - the first day she showed up on his doorstep, he should have told her everything. That lack of knowledge would be Darcy’s doom._

_She was still talking, trying desperately to reach him as she continued to fumble with the door. He reached out and grasped her throat, lifting her off her feet. Her hands abandoned their task and futilely pulled at the unyielding metal currently crushing her windpipe. She flailed desperately, kicking at his shins as her breath ran out and the light dimmed in her eyes. With one final, sharp jerk of his arm, Darcy collapsed to the floor._

_The red fog lifted just in time for him to see the last of the light leave her eyes._

“DARCY!” he screamed, sitting straight up in bed. His sheets were damp and clammy from his sweat and he suddenly took a chill as he came back to himself from his nightmare. His breathing slowed and he ran a hand over his face as a headache exploded behind his eyes. 

He unsteadily pulled himself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom for his meds. The medicine cabinet squeaked in protest as he wrenched open its door. A few other prescription bottles fell out of the cabinet as he fumbled for the migraine medicine. He finally grasped the bottle he was looking for and ripped it open, tipping two pills into his hand. He popped them into his mouth and swallowed them down, chasing them with water he drew from the tap.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to focus on the sensation of the cool water traveling to his stomach. It worked for a moment, until he was assaulted again by the mental image of Darcy dying at his hands. His nightmares were never _this_ \- they were either a vague carousel of faceless handlers scrambling his brain or very explicit memories of the atrocities committed by his hand. _This_ was new. Sam would have opinions.

He choked back a sob as he filled the cup of water and slowly made his way back to bed, resolving to clean up the mess in the bathroom in the morning. 

If anything ever happened to Darcy, he wasn't sure he could live with himself.

He should give her up. Let her go, live her life, free of any fear of him. She deserved so much better than this.

***

“How ya been, Buck?” Steve asked, setting the pizza he’d brought in the kitchen and going on a search for plates. No matter how often he ate here, Steve could never seem to remember where Bucky kept the plates. It was a strange thing, for someone who supposedly had perfect recall, but Bucky didn’t question his friend. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was a tiny deception that made Steve feel a little more normal sometimes and he wouldn’t dare call him on it.

“First cabinet on the left. I’m alright, I guess.”

Steve nodded his thanks and grabbed the plates. “Just alright?”

“Yeah.” Bucky filled two enormous glasses with water and set them on the kitchen island where they’d be eating, then slid into his chair. There was no need to mention the nightmare or the migraines to Steve. He worried enough.

“How’s Darcy?” He held out a plate stacked with one half of the pizza with a grin.

Bucky took the plate, set it down in front of him. “Perfect,” he muttered before pushing the plate away. “She’s perfect.”

Steve snorted as he sat down with his own plate. “That’s a lot to live up to, even for her.”

“I think I screwed up.”

Steve froze, a slice of pizza halfway to his mouth. “Why?”

“She’s been comin’ over, you know? She’ll work on her research, and I’ll read the books she gives me. ‘Snice. Even though it’s quiet.” He stopped talking and poked at the plate of pizza, pushing it back and forth slightly. Steve waited him out. 

“We tried to watch a movie. Darcy, she...I guess she’s a talker. In movies.”

“Yeah, she is,” Steve said. “Always makes movie night more entertaining when it’s something we’ve already seen. What happened?”

Bucky scowled. “She practically gnawed her own hand off to keep from sayin’ anything.”

Steve’s face was carefully neutral. “What’d you do?”

“I stopped the movie before she drew blood,” he sighed. “She cried, Steve. She sat on my couch and cried.”

“I’m sorry, Buck.” Steve looked down at his plate. “Why do you think you screwed up though?”

“This is all my fault. If I wasn’t such a mess - if I wasn’t _broken_ \- she wouldn’t have to deal with any of this.”

Steve glared at him, but otherwise didn’t acknowledge Bucky’s self-loathing. “We could still get you into a secure space. I can tell you your Words. Hell, we could put you in there and have Darcy say the first thing that pops into her head from the other side of the glass. It would at least settle the question of whether or not the two of you are soulmates.”

Bucky sighed. “You know that’s where she found me? The day we met, after I ran off. She found me in my panic room in the Tower.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. I wish...well, it doesn’t matter.”

“Buck,” Steve muttered, sympathetically.

Bucky ran a hand over his face. “I’m gonna lose her, aren't I?” he asked, defeated.

Steve shook his head. “You’d run that risk regardless. Everyone does. Darcy’s parents were soulmates and her dad still took off. My parents were soulmates and Dad died before I was born. It’s just like anything else.”

“Yeah,” he muttered. He hadn’t known about Darcy’s parents - how could he? It made her commitment to figuring out their situation all the more baffling. He wondered what else he didn’t know - couldn’t know, until she could tell him herself. “It’s still a lot to ask of anyone. It’s not like it’s just this one trigger and if we figure it out everything will be fine. There’s a dozen of them still in my head. What if...what if we never figure it out?”

Steve’s jaw set in determination. “There’s no “if” here, Buck. We _will_ figure this out.”

“I can wait. I know it takes time. But I’ve been doing this alone for years. Can I really ask her to wait, too?”

“Alone huh?” Steve’s voice was grim, but the smirk on his face gave him away.

Bucky smirked right back at him. “You don’t count.”

Steve threw a bit of pizza crust at him and chuckled. “I think that’s up to Darcy, don’t you?”

“I wouldn’t blame her for walkin’ away, flippin’ off the universe with both hands on her way out the door,” he muttered, picking at his pizza.

“I think you’re underestimating Darcy. Once she decides you’re one of her people - that’s it. You _are_ one of her people. She jokes that it’s how Jane has survived this long, but...I don’t know. I think she might be kinda right.” Steve leaned forward and rested his forearms on either side of his plate. “And you were added to that list, too. The day you two met. Soulmate or not - I don’t think she’s going anywhere.”

***

“Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanne,” Darcy whined, “my head hurts.”

“The first aid cabinet is right over there,” Jane said, trying not to laugh.

“Uggggggggggghhhh so far,” Darcy groaned, dragging herself out of her chair and over to the cabinet. She grabbed two ibuprofen, then trudged into the tiny lab kitchenette to refill her water cup. She knew it was just a stress headache, but she was hoping that rehydrating a bit would help. Especially since it wasn’t likely her stress levels would be decreasing anytime soon.

She popped the tablets in her mouth and chased them with the contents of her cup, then refilled her cup from the filtered tap and sipped slowly as she trudged back to her desk. Once resettled in her chair, she flipped her notebook back to her to do list.

Her overflowing to do list. She could feel the vein in her forehead pulsing just looking at it. She forced herself to close her eyes for a few moments while the feeling passed.

She was so close to finishing her thesis - and with it, completing her PhD. She should have felt relief - there was light at the end of her academic tunnel - but the workload for her thesis alone would have been overwhelming. That didn’t take into account her responsibilities at the lab with Jane. To be fair, Jane had been nothing but amazingly supportive and understanding of it all, having been in Darcy’s shoes herself not all that long ago. But Jane was a bonafide genius. Darcy, not so much. Add in their recent move to New York from New Mexico a few months ago, and Darcy was once again reminded that the majority of her apartment was made up of boxes that still needed to be unpacked.

And then there was Bucky. Darcy tried desperately not to think about Bucky while she was working because he was an _excellent_ distraction. Not only was she falling - hard - for her soulmate, but there was all of the extra drama of his triggers and the whole not-speaking thing attached.

The appearance of Darcy’s stress headache surprised exactly no one.

Jane appeared at Darcy’s side and gave her shoulder’s a quick squeeze. “Holy tension. Darce, you’re all knotted up. No wonder you don’t feel well.”

“Yep.” Darcy took another sip of water.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the day off? Maybe get some sleep?”

Darcy waved at her notebook. “No rest for the wicked, Janey.”

“Then take the rest of the day to work on it - maybe hit the library?” 

“I love you. But I’m not going to be able to concentrate with this headache. Give me a few minutes for the pills to kick in and I’ll be fine.”

“Long lunch it is then,” Jane grinned. “Get out of here.”

Darcy half-heartedly glared at her friend as she grabbed her purse. “You really are the best, have I ever mentioned that?”

***

After a bite to eat, Darcy really was feeling much better. She’d been responsible and had actually ordered something nourishing, instead of just quick. She slowed down to eat, enjoying each bite and had hidden her phone away to remove any temptation to flit around the internet while she ate. She took her time getting back to the Tower, wandering in and out of a few shops. She was just browsing, really, not needing or looking for anything in particular. (If she did need anything, she didn’t know about it, seeing as how most of her stuff was still in boxes back at her apartment.) Still, it was nice to just enjoy the hour - a little fresh air, a little exercise, and Darcy was feeling much more herself again.

Darcy decided to make one last stop before heading back, to grab coffee and pastries for Jane as a thank you. She stood in line at the coffee shop in the Tower lobby, their lattes some of the best and their pastry case never, ever empty. She scanned the headlines of the magazines and newspapers on the rack while she waited. One in particular caught her eye.

_How Wakanda’s Genius Princess Is Changing Medicine - And The World_

She snagged a copy and added it to her order, while not so idly wondering if the Avengers knew anyone in Wakanda. She gathered up her order, took a quick, soothing sniff of her lavender latte, and made her way to the elevator.

“Sorry, Ms. Lewis, can’t let you go back up there. Containment issue,” Bob said. 

Darcy gave the security guard a wary once-over. She liked Bob, she really did, but she still wasn’t entirely sure why they’d hired a one-time HYDRA goon for Tower security. Darcy trusted that Steve Rogers had his reasons. “What’s up, Bob?”

Bob grimaced. “Small explosion in the labs,” he muttered quickly.

Darcy’s eyes narrowed as her heart rate sped up. “Which labs?” she ground out.

“Not yours?” Bob replied. She didn’t like that it sounded like a question - then again, she knew she had a little bit of a reputation amongst former SHIELD agents for having an itchy taser trigger finger. Surely, Bob would have heard about it. 

“Darcy!” Steve called from the other side of the lobby. 

“Thanks Bob,” Darcy dismissed him and internally smirked at the guard’s expression of relief. How that man had ever been a HYDRA agent escaped her. She made a mental note to ask him some day. “Steve-o. What did you do to my scientists?”

“Hey, I just got here. More like what did your scientists do to my facility?” Steve countered. “How did you get down here anyway? Shouldn’t you still be in decontamination?” His eyes traveled over her, cataloging any and everything amiss.

“Jane sent me on a long lunch. I just got back. Speaking of - where’s Jane?”

“Decontamination Lab 17, on the 38th floor.”

Darcy nodded. “Who broke what this time?”

“Still working on that. Safe to say you’ve got the rest of the day off.”

“Well, aren’t I a lucky girl?” Darcy grinned. “Janey won’t be out anytime soon, so you’re a lucky boy and get her latte.” She handed the coffee over to Steve.

“You are an angel, Darce,” Steve grinned and took a long sip from the cup.

“STEVE!” a voice shouted from the lobby doors as they burst open. Bucky barreled through the lobby, running straight at them. “What the fuck happened? Where the hell is she? Is she alright?” Steve grinned at the rapid-fire questions. “Stop smirking, you ass, and tell me where the hell Darcy is!”

A tiny snort of laughter escaped Darcy, causing Bucky to spin around. “DARCY!” he yelled, and pulled her into a hug, almost knocking her over and causing her to spill her coffee. After a moment, he pulled back slightly taking her face in his hands and examining her closely. “Are you alright?”

“She’s fine, Buck. Wasn’t even in the building.”

Darcy grinned and peeked around Bucky. “Hey Steve, your friend always this excitable?”

“Only when it comes to people he cares about.”

“Shut up, punk. Go salute something.” Bucky’s eyes still flicked all over Darcy, as though if he didn’t examine every inch as quickly as possible she’d disintegrate into dust right in front of him. Steve sobered a little and wandered off, giving them some privacy.

She reached for one of Bucky’s hands that was still caressing her face and tried to reassure him that she was fine. It didn’t seem to be working - with every touch of her hand to his, his breathing seemed to get more erratic. She tried to turn slightly so she could set her cup down, but Bucky held her in place. His reaction wasn’t so funny anymore - he’d thought she had been hurt and he was scared. 

With her free hand she tugged lightly on his jacket, pulling him closer so she could wrap him up in a hug. In took a few minutes, but eventually, his breathing slowed to match the slow, soothing stroke of her hand across his back.

“I got the call and I -” Bucky stopped suddenly, his breath hitching slightly as he spoke quietly into her hair. “I didn’t think, I couldn’t - I didn’t -” He was tripping over his words, his brain working too quickly for him to articulate his thoughts coherently.

Tears welled up in Darcy’s eyes and she tucked her head against his chest to hide them. He was freaked out enough. All she wanted in that moment was to be able to tell him that she was fine, nothing had happened, she hadn’t even been in the damn building. But she couldn’t. She pressed a kiss to his chest. The only thing she could do was continue to rub soothing circles into his back and let him hold her.

“I don’t know what I’d have done if you were hurt,” Bucky finally whispered.

A silent sob escaped Darcy, and the only thing she could do was hold him tighter.

_I’m not going anywhere, Soulmate. I promise._


	12. Chapter 12

“I. HATE. DECONTAMINATION. SHOWERS!” Jane yelled from her bathroom, punctuating each word with a thump.

Darcy smothered a snicker - even if Jane couldn’t hear her from inside the bathroom, it was still rude to laugh at her friend’s expense. Besides, Darcy would have been just as grumpy about it, had she been in the lab when things went kabluey. She was fortunate that Jane had sent her out of the lab for lunch when she did - otherwise Darcy would have been in the decon stall next to her.

Darcy rubbed at her eyes. What had started as a normal long-ass day had been taken to new levels of stress with the explosion and Bucky’s resulting reaction. Jane had practically thrown her over her shoulder and dragged her home for a girls’ night once she’d been released from decon. Bucky had been reluctant to let Darcy out of his sight, but Jane wouldn’t hear any arguments and eventually he’d relented - once Jane promised to text him the instant they reached her apartment.

That was a task Darcy would have happily handled if she could - but she didn’t even know Bucky’s phone number. Until they figured out his triggers, what was the point?

“Are you brooding again? You’re always brooding. Stop it with the brooding,” Jane grumbled, toweling her hair dry.

“Did you seriously shower again?” Darcy asked.

“Decon showers make me itchy,” Jane snapped.

“Whoa girl. Cool your jets, I didn’t put you in decon,” Darcy reminded her.

“No, you didn’t. THE ASSHATS IN CHEM 5 DID.” Jane wrenched open her refrigerator and pulled her homemade margarita mix out. “What’s the ETA on the taco delivery?”

“20 minutes.”

“Good. I’m starving.” Jane grabbed the tequila from the pantry and poured a healthy amount into her glass.

Darcy’s eyebrows reached her hairline. “Uh, Jane? Are you trying to kill anything decon didn’t get with alcohol? Because I’m fairly certain that’s a lethal dose right there.” Jane glared at her and Darcy raised her hands in surrender. “Drink lots of water and don’t be mad when I turn on the lights in the lab tomorrow.”

“Didn’t you hear? Our lab is closed for the next WEEK.”

“Oh. I did not hear that. Wow, Chem 5 did a number on the place.” Darcy went to pour herself more water. She was definitely not in the mood for tequila tonight and if Jane was going to get as drunk as she appeared to be aiming, it would be better if Darcy stayed sober.

“Fucking Chem 5, can’t trust those idiots with a baking soda and vinegar volcano, let alone Super Soldier Serum.”

Darcy almost dropped the water pitcher as she whipped around to face Jane. “What the hell is Chem 5 doing experimenting with Super Soldier Serum?”

Jane flushed. “No idea. I’m not actually supposed to know about it, but…”

“But what, Janey?”

Jane sighed. “Darren from Chem 5 asked me out.”

Darcy blinked. “O...kay?”

“We went for coffee and he kind of let slip what they were working on. When I tried to ask more, he realized what he’d said and clammed up entirely.”

There...was a lot to unpack there. Best start simple. “When was this?”

“Two weeks ago.”

Jane went on a date two weeks ago and didn’t say anything? Darcy put the sting of that realization aside for a moment and tried to focus. “What did he say, exactly? Were they experimenting _with_ the Serum or _on_ the Serum? Are they…” Dread filled Darcy. “They’re not trying to recreate it, are they?”

“I don’t know.”

Darcy sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. At this rate, she was going to turn into a giant stress headache. “Does Steve know?”

“If he didn’t, he does now.”

“They do realize that _Hydra Bob_ is the day guard for the labs right?”

Jane pouted into her cup. “Be nice to Bob.”

“I’m always nice to Bob, that’s not the point.”

Jane sighed. “For all I know, the whole thing was requested by Steve. Maybe he caught a cold and wanted to know why.” She shook her head. “Just...don’t say anything to Bucky, okay?”

Darcy glared at her. 

Jane flushed again. “Right. Nevermind.”

It was the perfect opening. Darcy could talk to her best friend right now about everything that had been going on. Those HYDRA bastards had stolen something that was supposed to be special and she wasn’t entirely sure anymore how to pick up the pieces. Every time she thought things were going well - that maybe she and Bucky would come out of this alright after all - she would be violently reminded that they still had so far to go.

“Well, at least I’m not alone in the ‘I Got Screwed By The Universe’ department anymore,” Jane muttered.

Darcy couldn’t do it. The pain in Jane’s voice belayed the smile on her face and Darcy knew that she could not unload her soulmate-related burdens to Jane right now. Maybe not ever. Jane’s wounds from the fallout with Thor were still too fresh and Darcy couldn’t drag her best friend down that road. It wasn’t fair. To anyone.

The universe was a massive dick.

Darcy’s phone beeped. Their food had been delivered and was with the doorman downstairs. She made her way to the door, turning back just before reaching it. 

“The guy from Chem 5. You know his name is Doug, not Darren, right?”

Jane blinked, then considered her margarita. “Maybe that’s why he never called me again.”

***

“Okay, this dude is wearing a shirt with a shit ton of sponsors on the back, but all the sponsors are nonprofits,” Kate mused, taking a giant bite of her falafel wrap. “Aren’t nonprofits usually the ones selling the shirts with the sponsors on the back? This is shady.” 

“You’re too paranoid for your own good, Katie-Kate,” Darcy replied moving her bowl around her tray. “Where’s my tzatziki? Did they forget? What the hell.”

“And you pick up too many stupid nicknames from Clint,” Kate grumbled.

Darcy chuckled, a little evilly, giving up on finding her sauce and digging into her lentil bowl with gusto. The food wasn’t remotely authentic and was mostly junk, but Darcy had a craving dammit and right now this bowl of lentils and rice was checking all of her boxes, even without her tzatziki.

“So,” Kate began, still chewing on her wrap, “how’s soulmate sex?”

“Subtle, Kate.”

Kate grinned at her. “Hey, I’ve been dropping hints that I want details about Bucky for weeks now. You don’t deserve subtle.”

“I don’t have any details for you,” Darcy argued.

“Dude. Your soulmate is possibly the single most delicious man I’ve seen in this city and you’re going to sit there and pretend like you _haven’t_ climbed that like a tree?”

“Dude,” Darcy parroted, “I can’t actually speak to him.”

“Who said anything about speaking?”

“I would prefer to have a conversation with him first. Properly introduce myself and all,” Darcy replied dryly.

“You could properly introduce him to your-”

“You aren’t usually like this,” Darcy interrupted. “What’s up?”

Kate sighed. “Johnny and I broke up, so I’m living vicariously through you. He couldn’t handle...you know.”

“You and your soulmate mutually deciding that you’re better off as platonic besties?” It was a recurring problem for Kate. 

“Yep.”

“Well that’s bullshit. Who would know how you feel better than you?”

Kate dropped the remains of her wrap onto her tray and took a long sip of her drink. “He doesn’t believe in platonic soulmates - said he couldn’t hang around, waiting for the two of us to get over ourselves and realize we really want to be with each other.” She shrugged. “Can’t say I blame him really. Who would want to live their life constantly looking over their shoulder, waiting for the other shoe to drop?”

That was an emotional landmine that Darcy wasn’t entirely sure either of them wanted to deal with, so she gently nudged the conversation in another direction. “Who the hell doesn’t believe platonic soulmates are a thing? Did you tell him the whole story?”

Kate huffed out a laugh. “Johnny Watts, for one. And by the whole story, do you mean that I thought it was a false positive for six months until I was hauling Clint’s unconscious ass out of yet another dumpster and saw the Words on his arm? That it hadn’t even registered with Clint _at all_ that I’d said his Words until I was kicking his ass for not saying anything? And that when I was done we both decided that we’d take a hard pass on the soulmate thing? Yeah. I told him.”

“Did you also tell him that Clint’s been stupidly happily married to Laura for longer than you’ve known him? Not all happy endings are soulmate related.”

“Technically, Laura and the kids are still classified, so no, I didn’t mention it. It doesn’t matter. You’ve got to take care of your own stuff, you know? Why go through the pain and the hassle?”

Darcy was quiet at that, pushing the bit of rice remaining in her bowl around aimlessly. 

“Shit, Darce. I’m sorry - I don’t mean you. You and Bucky are a completely different thing.”

“What? Yeah, yeah. Of course.” Darcy tried to give Kate a smile, but wasn’t entirely sure she succeeded. She’d been hoping that a girls’ lunch with Kate would help take her mind off things, but now she only had more doubts swirling in her mind.

Should she just walk away? Would that be for the best? Let Bucky handle his issues and then, maybe someday...what? Stroll back into his life? 

No. Kate could walk away. Jane _had_ walked away. But Darcy couldn’t walk away when they first met and she definitely couldn’t do it now. She and Bucky had something. Something worth fighting for. 

Her smile grew a little bigger, a little more confident. “So. Still have any of Johnny’s stuff we should set on fire?”

***

Darcy fumbled with her phone as she waited for the elevator. She’d gotten a notification that a package had been delivered to her temporary desk outside the lab. She was expecting two - one was a new lipstick she’d been coveting for a few months and finally treated herself to, the other was a bulk order of light bulbs. She was distinctly looking forward to one package more than the other. 

The elevator dinged, signaling it’s arrival in the lobby and Darcy stepped inside when the doors opened. After a few moments, the doors began to close again and Darcy did a mental happy dance at having the elevator to herself. It was a rare occurrence in the Tower. 

Just before the doors closed fully, one elegant hand waved between them, causing the doors two woosh back open.

“Hello Darcy,” Natasha said with a small smile, stepping into the elevator.

“Natasha,” Darcy greeted. For all that Darcy hung around with Steve, she didn’t see his soulmate all that often, save the occasional movie night. Natasha was still heavily involved with field work that kept her away for weeks at a time. Darcy wondered how she and Steve coped with that. She hated the thought of going more than a day or two without seeing Bucky. Maybe it was different for superheroes.

The elevator doors closed again and began lifting them into the sky towards their respective destinations.

“Steve mentioned you’d offered to take care of Liho next weekend?” Natasha asked.

“Oh yeah. I love cats. She’s okay with dogs, right? Or should I see if Kate can take over walking Lucky for the weekend?”

Natasha’s smile grew. “She’s a former street cat - she’ll be fine.”

“Great.” Silence settled over the elevator again. Darcy shifted slightly. She’d hung around spies and superheroes long enough that she didn’t worry about them cataloging her every movement anymore, but every once in awhile she couldn’t help it. Natasha’s effortless cool made her self-conscious.

“How’s Barnes?”

“You might know better than me. You can actually ask him,” Darcy replied, a forced casualness in her tone.

Natasha reached out and pushed the stop button, halting the elevator’s progress, and turned to face her. “I think you already know him better than any of us ever will. Even Steve.”

Darcy gave her an incredulous look. “I don’t think that’s possible. Bromance of the century those two. This century and the last one, actually.”

Natasha considered her for a moment before speaking again. “Steve ever tell you I don’t believe in soulmates?”

Darcy felt her jaw drop. Steve had never given any indication whatsoever that things were anything except perfect between him and Natasha. Given how devoted he was to her, and how comfortable he was mentioning their soulmate status to anyone who might be listening, Darcy never would have guessed Natasha didn’t buy into it. 

How on earth did that work anyway? Did Steve...not know? Ice crept into Darcy’s stomach at the thought of keeping a secret like that from Bucky.

“But...Steve…” Darcy was having trouble stringing a coherent sentence together.

“Yes. But Steve, indeed,” Natasha replied, as though that explained everything. “Settled science or not, you have to admit the entire concept is ludicris. One person in all the cosmos the universe designed specifically for you? I know my value, but I don’t think quite that highly of myself to think the universe gives one shit about me. You ever wonder what a soulmate actually is, beyond words you expect to one day hear?”

Darcy gaped at her, unable to answer. 

Natasha turned back to the elevator buttons and canceled the stop, resuming their trip upward. “I don’t believe in soulmates. But I _know_ that Steve is mine.” She glanced back at Darcy. “And I would bet all the pastry in France that Bucky is yours.”


	13. Chapter 13

Darcy shifted the large grocery bag onto her left side so she could knock on Bucky’s door. The usual butterflies she felt when she stood outside his door were present and rapidly reproducing. It had been a few days since she’d seen him last, and here she was, trying something new again. She wasn’t quite sure how he’d react, if she’s honest. 

Sure, the last time she saw him, he was freaked out about the lab explosion and she was freaked out by his freak out. And the time before that was the movie that was a bit of a bust - that visit also ended in tears. She never claimed that all of her ideas were great ones. They’d get there though - she loved movies and she wasn’t giving up on trying to share that with Bucky. She wasn’t giving up on Bucky, period.

It would be easy to go back to their old routine - an hour or two every night, silently reading and enjoying each other’s presence. And maybe they would need to at some point. But Darcy wanted more.

If she was being honest, she wanted a hell of a lot more.

So, tonight, dinner. Everyone has to eat, and Darcy was a damn good cook if she did say so herself. Coq au vin was a specialty and she was really hoping he’d like it. She wondered if he’d ever tried it before.

But coq au vin was actually tomorrow’s dinner. The entire dish had to refrigerate overnight, so she’d also brought along ingredients for Grandpa Lewis’ famous macaroni and cheese that they could enjoy today.

It was a gamble. But she had no intentions of letting Bucky chase her off anytime soon and she hoped that this would show him that.

She pushed the butterflies in her stomach away and knocked on the door.

***

Bucky had just stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel securely around his waist when he heard the knock on his door. He figured it had to be Steve or Clint, as it was far too early for Darcy’s usual visit. He quickly ran another towel through his hair to absorb the worst of the water, as he wandered out towards hs entryway.

A quick glance through the peephole revealed a very nervous looking Darcy and he scrambled to undo the locks and open the door. It wasn’t entirely by design that he hadn’t seen her since the day of the lab explosion - they’d had plenty of cleanup afterwards, then Jane had a breakthrough, and Darcy was called to the lab for three days straight. Then she’d needed time to catch up on her coursework. It was all just bad timing. 

He’d considered stopping into the lab for a visit - or at the very least drop off some coffee - but he’d doubted his presence would be helpful or appreciated. They were busy, and he wasn’t entirely sure Darcy wanted to continue to make an effort with him anyway. His overreaction to the lab explosion had to put Darcy off. It had to - she’d be insane otherwise. Still...

_Please don’t be here to give up on me._

He didn’t remember his state of undress until he opened the door and saw Darcy’s eyes bug out of her head. 

“Shit,” he muttered. “Hi. Come in. I’ll...just be a minute.” He stepped out of the way so she could enter, and then locked the door up behind her. She made her way to the kitchen as he mentally berated himself the entire way to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him and banged his head off of it a few times before hurrying to get dressed. Had he taken two seconds to actually _think_ he would have remembered that neither Steve nor Clint were even in the city at the moment. Rent wasn’t due for another week, so Kate wouldn’t be dropping by. Darcy was literally the only other person who had any reason to be knocking on his door.

Had he stopped to think, he would have been able to help Darcy with whatever she’d lugged over here in those bags of hers, instead of embarrassing himself. Had he stopped to think, he wouldn’t be hiding in his bedroom while she was out there, waiting for him.

At least, he assumed she was still out there. Maybe she’d taken the opportunity to run.

He wouldn’t blame her. The arm and the scars should scare anyone. He had long grown used to hating them.

He sighed, wondered when he’d become such a damn coward, and made his way back to the kitchen. Fully clothed this time.

From the hallway, he peeked around the corner into the kitchen, where (thankfully) Darcy was still puttering, unpacking a truly impressive amount of food from her bags. She folded up the last empty bag and tucked it into his recycling bin, then she pulled her hair up into a ponytail and went to the sink to wash her hands. He made his way further into the kitchen and looked at the notebook she had flipped open.

He glanced at Darcy to see if she was okay with him taking a look, but she didn’t give him any indication that she would mind. He quickly scanned over the page. It was a recipe.

It was a recipe that would take two days to make.

The implications of that were not lost on him. In her own way, this crazy, unconventional way of communicating with him that she had been forced to create and adopt, she was letting him know that she wasn’t going anywhere. She was making plans with him. She wanted to be here tonight and tomorrow night, and probably other nights after that.

As it did so often when he was with her, affection bloomed in his chest. Maybe something more than that. Maybe something more solid. Something much more permanent. He closed his eyes and relished the feeling. He didn’t deserve her but damn he was going to take whatever she was willing to give anyway. He knew he couldn’t hope to ever reciprocate, to give her all the wonderful and lovely things she gave him. But he would do everything he could, give her everything he had, and pray to any passing deity that might still occasionally glance his way that it would be enough. 

Darcy turned to him, glanced down at the recipe, then back at him with a questioning look, biting her lip and quirking one eyebrow just so.

“Sounds perfect,” he said quietly. Her smile grew and she trust a bag of frozen pearl onions at him before turning back to the sink where she was cleaning up her mushrooms.

He looked back at the recipe to see if he could figure out what the hell he was supposed to do with the bag of onions she’d given him. As he read through the staggeringly complicated (to him at least) instructions, he realized that there were a lot of ingredients on the counter that weren’t listed in the recipe.

“Darcy?” he asked quietly.

She sidled up to him with a smirk and flipped the page in the notebook. He glanced down to an image of some type of pasta casserole dish.

“Is that...macaroni and cheese?”

She winked at him and turned back to her mushrooms.

His stomach growled loudly. He snuck a peek at her, hoping she hadn’t heard. The shake of her shoulders suggested she did. And was laughing at him.

_Smooth, Barnes._

***

Darcy reclined back into the couch, her stomach bulging a little with the sheer amount of pasta she’d eaten. She was pleasantly full and a little sleepy and she closed her eyes with a soft, happy hum. She didn’t open her eyes as the couch dipped a little as Bucky sat down next to her, but a soft squeak did escape as he tugged her towards him, wrapping an arm around her and tucking her into his side. She could feel his chest rumble as he chuckled, probably at her expense, but she was honestly too content to care. She nuzzled his chest a little and felt herself float away into a well-earned nap to the steady, reassuring sound of his heartbeat.

Her last thought before drifting off was that she could happily fall asleep in the arms of Bucky Barnes for the rest of her life.

***

Bucky glanced down at the dozing woman in his arms, smiling a little at the content expression on her face. 

He _needed_ to figure out his triggers. He needed to know if she was his soulmate.

Because he was rapidly coming to the conclusion that if the worst happened - if they discovered that this was all a mistake, the universe was laughing at him, and Darcy was actually destined for someone else - he was going to fight to keep her anyway.


	14. Chapter 14

Darcy slowly blinked awake.

She wasn’t in her bed. She wasn’t even in her apartment. She felt her heart rate increase slightly in her confusion and took a deep breath to try to calm down. Wait - she knew that laundry detergent smell.

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

She knew that heartbeat.

_Bucky._

Darcy immediately relaxed and mentally laughed at herself as she settled back into his arms. Silly that she spent so much time in the man’s living room to not recognize it, but she always was a little groggy when she first woke up.

“Why the moving,” Bucky’s grouchy, sleepy rasp reverberated through his chest against her ear and she smiled, nuzzling him just a little in response. He stroked her hair and she thought she heard a very soft, happy hum rumble through his chest. She might have just imagined that though.

Darcy shifted a little and rubbed her wrist where her watch would usually be - she’d taken it off to finish up the dishes and had left it near the sink. Bucky caught the movement and glanced at his own wrist.

“10:24,” he said quietly.

Darcy looked up at him and raised her eyebrows.

“PM,” he added.

Darcy smiled at him again, marveling just a little at how good he’d gotten at interpreting the facial expressions that were her only means of communicating with him for the time being. She bit her lip, suddenly overcome with the desire to find out if his lips were as soft as they looked. She flicked her eyes to his lips and shifted a little closer to him.

_Kiss me. You’ve understood everything I’ve been trying to say so far, don’t fail me now. Kiss me!_

Bucky swallowed hard. “Darce…” his voice trailed off as his words failed him. She knew that happened occasionally - he’d been conditioned for so long to not speak. He was so intelligent and his brain moved faster than he could speak the words, and adding in 70 years of wearing a muzzle had only made the condition worse. She patiently waited for him to get the words out.

He sighed and tucked a bit her hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes and smiled at the gesture.

When she opened her eyes again, he was staring at her intently. “You’re going to be the death of me,” he muttered.

His words encouraging her, Darcy smiled and leaned forward, brushing her lips gently against his. A happy growl rumbled through Bucky’s chest as he caressed her cheek and pulled her closer, kissing her again. Her lips parted and she was fairly certain she was floating from happiness as he deepened the kiss. Holy cow, she had thought Bucky was a master of the cuddle - his kiss was downright heaven. Did they have classes in the 1940s or something? The scientist in her debated the merits of planting a kiss on Steve Rogers for scientific purposes, but then Bucky caught his hand in her hair and all rational thought went right out the window.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled herself flush against him. The hand that wasn’t currently caressing the back of her neck tentatively moved to her waist, his fingers brushing against skin where her shirt had risen slightly. Darcy couldn’t stop the soft, happy hum that escaped her at the touch.

Suddenly, Bucky pulled away from her and shot out of his seat. He practically ran to the kitchen, breathing heavily. Darcy was frozen, unsure as to what just happened. Did she do something wrong? She slowly looked towards the kitchen, where Bucky was leaning against the counter and staring at her.

“We shouldn’t...it’s...sorry,” he said quietly.

She shrank a little into the couch and folded her arms over her chest, consoling herself with a self-hug and cursed her damn impetuous impulse - she should have known better. Bucky Barnes had lived surrounded by literal human perfection for ages. She knew she had plenty going for her, but she wasn’t blind to how she didn’t even begin to measure up to the people she lived and worked with. The only reason she was here in the first place was because once upon a time she learned a little too much about how the universe really worked and no one knew what else to do with her. She’d made the best of it. Now, she and Bucky were stuck in this mess together and they got along great, sure, but that was no reason to think that he - 

“Shit,” he muttered and rushed back to her side, jostling her a little as he dropped onto the couch next to her. Damn Bucky Barnes for being so observant. The last thing she wanted was platitudes at the moment. Or worse - pity.

“Hey,” he whispered, trying to get her to look at him. He ran his thumb over her cheek, brushing away the one tear that had escaped. “Darcy...this is all on me. You’re perfect, you know that, right? I mean, goddamn, you’re temptation incarnate. This...this is me and my issues.”

She blinked at him. He...what?

“Darcy....I…” Bucky sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. 

She sniffled a little and shifted towards him, holding out her hands. He took them in his, rubbing gentle lines with his thumbs across her palms. It tickled a little and she stifled a laugh as her hands instinctively clenched and grasped his.

_Talk to me._

He sighed and leaned forward to run a hand over his face. “I just...” he lowered his hands into his lap and stared at them. “You’re far too important, Darcy. I don’t want to hurt you. And I know that I am the absolute last thing you could want -”

Her head snapped up and she did a little bit of a double take. What in the world?

“- but I knew you were someone special before we ever met. Did you know Clint used to tell stories about you?”

Darcy blinked rapidly, trying to catch up to his thought process.

Bucky continued, apparently oblivious to Darcy’s confusion. “He’d tell these stories, and Steve had your file photo and I…” he laughed bitterly. “I wondered if I ever got my head on straight if I would ever have the courage to ask you out. If I had the stomach to bear your rejection.”

Darcy’s jaw dropped. Bucky took her hands in his and stared at the way their fingers fit together. “You’re more than a bit of a dream, Darcy. You’re every fantasy of the last few years come to life. And just now…” he trailed off. It took everything Darcy had to restrain herself from shaking him. Or jumping into his lap and kissing him senseless. 

“Just now, you made a sound - and while the thing I want most in the universe is to hear your voice when you’re speaking _to me_ \- I can’t take that chance with your safety. I _won’t_.”

Oh.

Darcy forced herself to keep breathing. He hadn’t stopped because he didn’t want her - just the opposite. And while she’d love to argue that he couldn’t hurt her, that she could take care of herself and didn’t need his protection - the fact of the matter was that he could very easily hurt her. That’s the entire reason they were in this predicament. When he was himself, she trusted him implicitly. But the Soldier? It was a lovely notion, thinking that Soldier would refuse to hurt Darcy because he cared for her too, but that was pure fantasy. The reality of their situation called for a much more clear-headed approach.

Still, this was progress. Bucky cared for her. She gave herself a mighty pat on the back for refraining from doing a happy dance right there on the couch. It would be inappropriate, in the moment, and she had no way of explaining it to him anyway.

She tapped him on the shoulder and waited for him to look at her. When his eyes finally met hers, she gave him a soft smile. She raised her left hand and wiggled her fingers to draw his attention. She brought her fingers to her mouth and pressed a kiss to them, then held out her hand close to his face. A slow grin slid across his face as warmth bloomed in his eyes. He lightly grasped her wrist and brought her fingers to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss in the same spot she had, then letting her go. She pressed her fingers to her lips again, fairly certain that if her smile grew any bigger her face would split in two.

“Darcy,” Bucky murmured as he shifted close again and touched his forehead to hers. “Thank you for understanding. Thank you for....” he sighed. “Thank you,” he whispered.

They stayed cuddled on the couch for a little while longer. When Darcy felt herself drifting off to sleep again, she knew she had to get moving, so she could get back to her own apartment. 

She reluctantly extricated herself from Bucky’s arms and off the couch. She wandered into the kitchen, grabbing her watch from it’s spot near the sink and stuffing it into her pocket. She grabbed her notebook from the counter and flipped to a pocket in the back. When she turned around, Bucky had joined her in the kitchen. She pulled the magazine she’d bought at the coffee shop the other day out of the pocket and thrust it gracelessly towards him.

She had no idea if they had any way of contacting anyone in Wakanda, let alone if they could help. If they’d be willing to help. But it was the best idea she’d had so far and she wanted Bucky’s opinion.

“ _How Wakanda’s Genius Princess Is Changing Medicine - And The World_ ,” Bucky read. He looked up at Darcy. “You think she can help?”

She struggled to suppress her shrug and quirked her eyebrow and twisted her lip instead. _No idea. But it couldn’t hurt to ask._

Bucky nodded. “I’ll talk to Steve and Sam in the morning. See if anyone knows how to get in touch with the Wakandans.”

Darcy smiled, then turned to go. Bucky walked her to the door. 

“Darcy,” he started, reaching for her hand as she spun around to face him again. “If...if they can help. If they can...fix me,” Darcy made an ugly face at that statement. “I _am_ broken, Darce, but I appreciate the sentiment.” He took a deep breath. “Would you...could you…” he sighed and shook his head before meeting her eyes again. “Will you be there? Whenever they do...whatever they have to do?”

Darcy felt her breath catch in her chest. _Of **course** , I’ll be there. Where else would I be?_ She launched herself into his arms, wrapping him up in the biggest hug she could manage. His arms wrapped around her immediately and she gave a quiet, happy sigh.

“I’m usually pretty good a picking up your meaning, but I’m going to need a little more to go on here,” Bucky said, his voice strangled.

Darcy pulled back just slightly so she could look at him. She pressed a kiss to her fingers, then held them out to him. He sighed in relief, then kissed her fingers back. “Thank you.”


	15. Chapter 15

Steve glanced over the magazine Darcy had brought him as he pondered the logistics of contacting Wakanda. Sam nudged him and gestured in the direction of Bucky and Darcy. The two were in a world entirely of their own, oblivious to everything else around them. Bucky was whispering quietly to Darcy, playing with her hair. Darcy made a face in response to whatever Bucky was saying and he let out a bark of laughter. 

Steve smiled. It was obvious to anyone looking how happy they were. Steve hadn’t heard Bucky’s laugh - his full out, no reservations laugh - in...well, he hadn’t heard it in a very long time. 

He hadn’t realized just how much he’d missed it.

Sam smiled at them. “Nice to see him finally lighten up a little.”

“Yeah,” Steve said quietly. “Think it will last?”

“Bucky’s new attitude or the love connection happening over there?”

Steve gave Sam a mock-stern look and Sam laughed.

“Don’t give me that. You’ve gotta admit - Bucky has not been a barrel of laughs the last few years.”

”Do you blame him?”

”Hell no. But this is still good to see.”

Steve considered that as he continued to watch the couple. Darcy gave Bucky an exasperated look that probably didn’t have quite the intended effect - her growing smile betrayed her true thoughts on whatever Bucky was saying. Bucky gave her an adoring grin, then leaned in to whisper in her ear again as she laced their fingers together.

“Darcy’s not a quitter,” Sam continued. “If she’s decided she wants Bucky in her life, she’ll make it happen.”

“He deserves to be happy.”

“They both do.”

***

“You really think she can help?” Steve asked.

“I think we’d be foolish not to at least see if they’d be willing to talk to us,” Darcy replied. “Princess Shuri has made advancements that are _light years_ beyond anything Tony’s people have been able to do with BARF,” Darcy replied.

Steve shrugged and looked at Sam. “I can talk to Tony, see who we need to talk to to get a meeting.”

“Avoid Thaddeus Ross, pretty much at all costs,” Darcy said.

Steve laughed. “I heard you worked for him for a while. That bad, huh?”

“The only thing I will ever thank him for is convincing me that politics was not my calling. Working for him sent me straight to back to school.” She paused. “Actually, if working for him hadn’t been so terrible, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

Bucky squeezed her hand. That wasn’t really something either of them wanted to think about. She returned the squeeze, then continued. “By the way, if you ever catch word of something called the ‘Sokovia Accords’ or the ‘Superhuman Registration Act’ - run. I buried it as far as I could before I left, but it is Bad. News.”

Steve stared at her, slack jawed. Sam cleared his throat. “We should...probably discuss that more later. For now, Steve - figure out who we need to contact. Bucky...can I talk to you for a bit?”

***

Steve and Darcy found their way to the kitchen while Sam talked to Bucky. Darcy fiddled a bit with the coffeemaker while Steve searched for mugs that weren’t crusted with at least three days worth of coffee stains.

“Do actual adults work here? We might be better off calling Thor and having him smash all of these and starting over.” Darcy muttered as Steve gave two of the least offensive mugs a good scrub with hot, soapy water. “I swear, some days this place is like college all over again.”

“I wouldn’t know,” Steve replied. Darcy snuck a quick peek at his face - he was grinning, so she hadn’t stuck her foot in it. Much. She breathed a small sigh of relief. 

“Sorry,” she said.

Steve shrugged. “It wasn’t ever really something I thought about. Art school, definitely. But college wasn’t in the cards. Besides, once the war started, everything was put on hold. And things are different now anyway - even if I had gone to college back then, I doubt it would be anything similar to your experience.”

“I forget, sometimes. You act so...normal isn’t the right word. What the hell is normal anyway? But. If I didn’t know what I know about you, I don’t think I would guess.”

“Is ‘oh they must have spent 70 years sleeping in an iceberg’ a frequent assumption you make about people?” Steve asked dryly.

Darcy let out a tiny growl of frustration as she jabbed at the coffeemaker’s controls. “You’re impossible. _No_ , but I would think that maybe you didn’t grow up in the States, or maybe you’d had a really sheltered childhood, or I don’t know - you were a member of a cult or something. But like I said, I forget. You’ve caught up pretty well. I worry...” Darcy trailed off as she hit the last button on the coffeemaker and it started brewing.

Steve paused in his work and leaned his hip against the counter. “Worry about what?”

She couldn’t look at him. Not during this conversation and especially not when he was looking at her with such concern. “Bucky is a bit of a minefield. What if I forget with him and hurt him?” 

“I don’t know how much you need to worry about that,” Steve argued.

“Why, because I can’t actually speak to him? That’s temporary,” Darcy snapped. Hopefully temporary. It had to be temporary, right?

_Please let it be temporary._

“No, that’s not why,” Steve replied in that infuriatingly calm voice of his. Stupid leadership skills. “I’ve known Bucky for a really long time. He’s a different guy now than the one I knew growing up - that Bucky Barnes died a long time ago.”

Darcy closed her eyes at that - the thought was unbearably sad.

“I know he thinks I expect him to be the same - like now that he’s here, he should be the same as he was in 1943. It’s not true though. _I’m_ certainly not the same. In a lot of ways,” he gestured to himself with a wry grin and Darcy stifled a laugh. “It would be silly to expect him not to have changed.” He shook his head sadly. “Around you though? The Bucky Barnes I know today is a hell of a lot like the one I used to know. He smiles now. He _laughs_. Do you know how long it had been since I’d heard an actual, honest to god laugh from him?” Steve shook his head again and smiled. “You would never intentionally do or say anything to hurt him. I know that - I know that Bucky knows that, too.” Darcy continued to stare at the coffeemaker, so Steve kept talking. “Everyone makes mistakes. No one lives in a vacuum. We all have something that is going to be painful to bring up.”

“Not like this,” Darcy muttered uncertainly.

“Maybe not. But I’ve read your file - you don’t think you’re a little bit of a minefield, too?”

Darcy thought about it. In the aftermath of New Mexico...and Tromsø...and London...she had needed more than a bit of therapy to put herself back together and just be functional again. Bucky probably already knew all about what had happened to her in those places. She would never have to tell him. They would never have to talk about it. 

She wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

“I had to work at it, you know. Catching up. Nat helped.” Steve paused and glanced at Darcy, before resuming his careful drying of the coffee mugs. “I don’t think I’ve said thank you,” he continued quietly.

Darcy looked at him, confused. “For what?”

“Sticking around. Not letting Bucky hide from this. Helping him.”

“Why would I leave?”

“Some people might.”

Darcy sniffed. “I’m not some people.”

Steve smiled at that. “I know. But you’ve been there every step, even when Bucky was less than helpful. Less than cooperative.”

“He’s my soulmate,” Darcy said, simply. The coffeemaker beeped, signaling the brew cycle was complete. Darcy made a grabbing motion at Steve and he handed her the mugs.

Steve nodded slowly. “Unconfirmed soulmate though.”

Darcy gave Steve her “You’re Being An Idiot” look. That look was getting a workout lately. “Bucky is my soulmate,” she countered with finality.

“You’re really sure about that, aren’t you?” he asked, a little bit of wonder in his voice.

“You’re really sure Natasha is your soulmate?” Darcy retorted, handing him a mug filled with coffee.

Steve blinked at the question. “Well...yes. She said my Words. I said hers.”

“Sure. But beyond that. Soulmates aren’t just words that show up on our skin. You can feel it, can’t you? You _know_?”

Steve stared at her, then nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“There you go.” Darcy picked up her mug, then turned her back to it and leaned up against it, gently blowing across the mouth of her mug, scattering the steam. “Bucky and I are just...out of order.” She shrugged and took a sip of her coffee. “We’ll get to the Words later.”

Bucky walked in a moment later. “Any coffee left for me?” he asked, running one hand over his face. 

“Nope. You’re too slow,” Steve said seriously, while searching for another relatively clean mug.

Darcy rolled her eyes with a fond smile at their antics. 

Bucky bumped her hip with his. “Hi,” he whispered to her. She gave him a smile in return and wondered how much of her conversation with Steve she’d overheard. She wondered if it mattered if he did.

“Darcy! I’m so glad I found you.” Jane wandered into the kitchen.

“Hey Janey,” she greeted, pouring coffee into the freshly scrubbed mug Steve provided and handed it to Bucky before turning to her friend. “What’s up?”

Jane held out an envelope. “This came today. From the committee.”

Darcy almost dropped her mug. “The committee?”

Jane nodded encouragingly. “I think we have a date.”

“Oh shit,” Darcy muttered.

“A date?” Bucky asked, glancing at Steve, who shrugged.

“Darcy has to defend her dissertation to the committee to complete her doctorate,” Jane explained as Darcy ripped into the envelope.

“All that work and she still has to defend it to a bunch of stiffs who then get to decide if she’s earned her degree or not? That doesn’t seem right,” Bucky grumbled.

Darcy’s head shot up as she looked at him in surprise.

Jane laughed. “That’s what Darcy has been saying all along.”

Bucky shrugged. “I’ve got a smart girl,” he replied easily.

Darcy filed that away for later, as she was currently busy freaking out just a little that she finally had a date. Everything she’d been working towards was finally coming together and she didn’t know if she wanted to laugh or cry or....oh hell.

“I have to start practicing my defense,” she squeaked.

Jane slung an arm around Darcy’s shoulders, ignoring Bucky’s slight pout as she pulled Darcy away. “Later. Right now, we’re going to celebrate seeing the light at the end of your long-ass tunnel.


	16. Chapter 16

Getting in touch with the Wakandans was the most difficult part of the entire process. After clearing a few miles of bureaucratic hoops, they finally made contact. Darcy suspected there might have been more than one incentive involved, although with what she had no idea - how do you sway a completely independent country that needs nothing from the rest of the world? Princess Shuri had jumped at the chance to tackle a new challenge - Steve and Sam had barely outlined the issue before the woman had jumped on a jet to New York.

(“You bring me a puzzle?” she asked Steve.

“One that will give a good man his life back,” Steve replied.)

All there was to do now was wait. There would be a few preliminary consultations, where Shuri would meet with Bucky to examine him and develop her treatment protocol, but the end of the road was in sight. Shuri was so confident that she could remove Bucky’s triggers that Darcy had begun to hope.

Even with that hope, Darcy was a bundle of nerves prior to their first meeting with Shuri. It meant more than she could possibly express that Bucky had asked her to come along, but it wasn’t helping her anxiety any. She’d given up working entirely for the day - she couldn’t concentrate. She’d paced back and forth in her living room for 45 minutes before realizing that Bucky was likely nervous too - and if they were both going to be disasters, they could at least do it together.

Bucky threw open his door before Darcy could knock.

He blinked at her, clearly surprised. “I was just coming to see you,” he said quietly.

She smiled in response as he let her inside. He grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her and brushing a kiss against her temple. “I hope this is okay. I’m... _really_ glad you’re here,” he murmured into her hair, relief evident in his voice.

Darcy forgot all of her nerves and worries as they stood there, Bucky gently rocking them back and forth. Goodness gracious, she didn’t have a problem in the world when he held her like this. She closed her eyes and breathed him in.

When he finally released her, he kept her close. He had a worried expression on his face and he was looking at her as though he was trying to memorize her. “There’s something I need you to see.”

He was behaving so strangely and Darcy was getting concerned. Was he having second thoughts about whatever Princess Shuri was planning? She pushed the thought away - she knew that Bucky wanted to remove his triggers, and they both knew that the genius royal was the best chance they had at doing that. Darcy suddenly realized that Bucky had disappeared into the kitchen and she tripped over herself in her haste to follow.

He was standing near the counter, nervously chewing on his lip. He didn’t say anything as she approached, just continued to stare at her. His obvious nerves were starting to put her on edge.

She noted the thick folder in his hands. From where she was standing, she couldn’t make out the writing on the cover, but from her perspective it looked...Russian.

Oh no. No way. It couldn’t be.

She raised her eyes to meet his and lifted one eyebrow. _What the hell, dude?_

He held out the folder. “It’s my file. I want you to read it.”

Darcy stared at him incredulously and made no move to take it from him. He nudged it towards her.

“Darcy...I need you know what’s in here. What I’m up against.”

She glared at him and lightly flicked his wrist. 

“What _we’re_ up against,” he amended quickly, rubbing his wrist. “And it means more to me than you could possibly know that you’re thinking ‘we’ in all of this, but I need you know about this. I need to know that you are in this knowing exactly what you’re getting yourself into - that you have all the information before…” his voice trailed off. He reached for her hand. “You could still walk away,” he offered quietly, earning himself an annoyed expression from Darcy. “I’m serious. You could walk out that door right now, give a giant ‘fuck you’ to the universe, and I wouldn’t hold it against you. You could read this, realize that I’m not worth it-”

She pinched him, causing him to yelp, and gave him her very best glare - the one she saved for when someone was doing something truly stupid. Because this? This was truly stupid. He was her _soulmate_ for crying out loud - she wasn’t going to walk away just because they hit a snag or because he had issues or whatever. She had issues too! So what if their first meeting wasn’t perfect? Who cared if these first few months had been unconventional? She loved him and if he thought he could ever love her in return then none of the rest of it mattered!

 _Oh._

That’s why this hurt so much. She was in love with him. She was in love with him and she’d been working under the assumption that he knew her better than this. He understood her so well despite not being able to say a word that she’d convinced herself that he knew her. But this speech of his, telling her it was _okay_ for her to walk away, as if she ever could turn her back and leave him. As if she would ever want to. Clearly he didn’t know or understand her nearly as well as she’d thought.

Then again. 

He was trusting her with this. Trusting her to have all of the information and leaving the choice to her if she wanted to walk away. He wasn’t trying to hide his past, or make her squint so she couldn’t see his sharp edges. 

_Bucky Barnes, if there was anything left of HYDRA I would burn it down for you._

“Darcy,” he whispered, “you keep pretendin’ I’m worth somethin’ and soon I won’t be able to let you go.”

Darcy’s lip trembled with the effort of _not screaming_ at him. She looked away and focused on one of his refrigerator magnets - something silly and nonconsequential he’d likely found on one of his visits to his beloved flea markets - while she took a few deep breaths to try to calm down. 

If she thought about it rationally, he had a point. If they were going to do this, if they were really going to try to make a go of it, she should know what’s in that file. If she were smart, she would have every molecule of that file memorized to protect them both.

She didn’t want to think about this rationally.

She moved one hand to his waist, gently caressing his side as she pulled the file a little closer. Just touching the thing made her insides squirm - knowing that evil people had put together this file, had planned every element of every event detailed in this file, had coerced Bucky into carrying out this file and living this nightmare...there was nothing she wanted more in that moment than to set the whole damn thing on fire.

She could feel his eyes on her, watching for her reaction. Waiting for her to be horrified or scared away. The look on Bucky’s face stopped her from displaying any outward reaction as she nonchalantly stuffed the file into her bag. Then, slowly, she maintained eye contact with him as she brought her fingers to her lips, pressed a kiss there, and then held them out to him.

_Whatever is in that file doesn’t change a thing._

***

Bucky gripped Darcy’s hand the entire way to the lab that had been set up for Princess Shuri. He wasn’t entirely sure what to expect - the Wakandan royal wouldn’t have come all this way just to tell him she couldn’t help him right?

Even if she did have an idea of how to help, maybe the cost would be too high. Not financial, he knew he didn’t have to worry about that - but the physical or emotional cost. What if the solution would permanently separate him from Darcy? He gripped her hand a little tighter. He couldn’t possibly give her up now. No, not just couldn’t - he wouldn’t.

If Shuri’s solution was to never see Darcy again, then they would go to plan B. He’d lock himself in his secure room, ask Darcy to say whatever first popped into her head, and when her words triggered the Soldier they would deal with it. If that didn’t work, then they move on to plan C, then D, and all the way through every alphabet on the planet if need be. 

Darcy hadn’t read the file yet, but didn’t seem to be too worried about it’s contents. He knew she had a cursory idea of what was in there, but once she knew the details...He wouldn’t try to stop her if she tried to walk away. But he wouldn’t voluntarily give her up either. She was as essential to him as breathing - hell, he could hold his breath for upwards of 4 minutes. Maybe Darcy was more essential than breathing. 

He loved her. It was a simple as that, really. He loved her and no matter what her first words to him ultimately ended up - be they his Words or not - as far as he was concerned she was his soulmate.

A soulmate _he_ had chosen. With all of the choices that had been stolen from him in his long life, he was going to hold on to this one with everything he had. And if this choice aligned with whatever the universe had planned, great. But ultimately, it didn’t matter. He was hers, for as long as she’d have him. He just really hoped she would have him longer than it took for her to read his file.

Darcy traced a line with her thumb along the back of his hand, bringing him back to the present and soothing him instantly. Maybe she was right - maybe she’d read the file and it wouldn’t change anything. Maybe Princess Shuri would have a brilliant idea and soon he and Darcy could move on with their lives. Maybe it would all be okay.

Darcy squeezed his hand until he looked at her. She gave him a warm, reassuring grin, that he couldn’t help but return.

Yes. If Darcy was with him, everything would be okay.

***

“There will be a few preliminary appointments so I can get complete scans of your brain, and then we’ll need to get you back into cryo for treatment. I would anticipate the entire process to take three months.”

“Three months and then...he’s free? The triggers will be gone?” Darcy asked, hopefully.

Shuri nodded. “We could begin tomorrow, if you wished.”

“After the 18th,” Bucky said, causing Darcy to snap her head in his direction. He leaned a little closer to Darcy and lowered his voice. “I’d like to be here. When you finish your defense. It’s important.”

“You’re defending your dissertation?” Shuri asked.

“Yeah,” Darcy replied, her voice dazed. “I’m scheduled for the 18th. If I successfully defend, that’s it. I’ll have my doctorate.”

“When,” Bucky corrected. “When you successfully defend.” Darcy looked at him, a grateful expression and so much affection in her eyes. He leaned closer still to murmur in her ear. “And I’m going to be there for you when you do.”

Shuri smiled at the both of them. “Well congratulations, Doctor Lewis. I look forward to reading your work.”

Darcy flushed. “You’re the first person to call me Doctor.”

“That was the point.”

Bucky grinned at the two of them, trying valiantly to cover his internal, rising panic at going back into cryo. Darcy and Shuri’s banter and his light flirting with Darcy were momentary distractions, but the panic remained, like static in the background.

_It won’t be like before. This is to help not hurt. It won’t be like before. Darcy would never, ever let anyone hurt you._

Darcy turned to look at him with a small, shy grin, but it quickly slipped off her face as she registered his expression. Either she was getting really good at reading him or he hadn’t covered as well as he thought he had. 

“Does he have to go back into cryo?” Darcy asked Shuri, reaching for his hand.

“I’m afraid so,” Shuri replied with a sad smile. “But it’s a gentle process - it should feel like falling asleep. You might even dream, Sergeant Barnes.”

Darcy gave his hand a squeeze. He leaned close to her. “Will you be here?” he asked quietly, unable to keep the desperation out of his voice. 

She stared at him, her expression determined, her hand gripping his just a little bit harder, before looking back to Shuri. “How often can I visit?”

“I can have a bed set up next to the chamber.”

“Done,” Darcy replied instantly.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against her shoulder. “Darcy,” he gasped, unable to articulate exactly what he was feeling. She tilted her head to rest upon his in response.

“I’ll schedule time to start the preliminary exams tomorrow and then we’ll have the cryo chamber ready for the 20th.”

_Soon, soulmate. Soon._


	17. Chapter 17

_Bucky climbed into the cryo tube and settled in, then gave a nod to Steve, who looked on impassively. He glanced around for Darcy, but she was nowhere in sight. His heart sank and he couldn’t help feeling disappointed. He wanted to see her before...well, before. He had thought - he had hoped - that she would want to see him, too._

_As the tube closed, Steve gave instructions to Shuri._

_“Change of plans. Intelligence reports indicate resistance is building up again. Don’t remove the triggers - remove whatever is left of James Barnes and give me a soldier I can use.”_

_“Yes sir,” Shuri said impassively and punched new instructions into her tablet._

_He reached forward to press against the tube door. He had to get out - he couldn’t let them do this._

_“No!” he shouted, pounding in vain against the sealed glass. “Steve! NO!”_

_Steve strode over to the tube and tapped on the glass. “Hail HYDRA.”_

“NOOOOO!” Bucky screamed, sitting straight up in bed and fighting his tangled sheets. He kicked at them, breathing hard, and closed his eyes, attempting to regain his equilibrium.

Steve would never do anything remotely like that. Steve would burn down the world - again - before he allowed anything like that to happen. 

And Darcy had promised to be there. Darcy would never allow them to hurt him. Darcy would try to fight the entire facility single-handedly if they ever so much as blinked at him funny. And honestly, Steve Rogers with all his enhancements would still be no match for a pissed-off Darcy Lewis.

“Darcy,” he sobbed, his heart aching with confusion and longing. “Darcy.”

The window slid open. There was a small crash followed by a soft thump.

“Futz.”

Bucky's head snapped to the sound, his senses all alert and his heart racing. He had long since stopped covering his windows with newspaper and strategically arranging his furniture for a fight and he was still too frozen in fear to move for the gun he kept in the nightstand. The only thing he could do was wonder if he would now regret it.

Darcy’s head peeked up from beside the bed under the window.

“Darcy?” he asked, confused. Was he still dreaming?

She raised her hands in surrender and slowly pulled herself into the bed, crawling over to him. She cradled his face in her hands, her eyes searching.

“You heard me,” he said resigned. “Your bedroom is right above mine. Fuck. Darcy, I’m sorry.”

Her mouth flattened into an annoyed line.

“I’m fine. Just a dream. You shouldn’t have come down here, do you know how I could have hurt you? If I didn’t recognize you, or if I didn’t realize it was you until it was too late?”

The heat seeped out of his words the longer he spoke as she slowly stroked his hair. 

“S’dangerous you know,” he continued, half-heartedly, closing his eyes at the comfort of her touch.

Her lips quirked into a half smile as she reached behind her and pulled her taser from where she’d tucked it into the waistband of her leggings. She wiggled it around his eye level.

“You really think that would take me out?”

Her smile grew.

“Yeah yeah, you took down Thor, I’ve heard.” He sighed. “You really have no sense of self-preservation at all, you know that, right?”

She let out a soft laugh, then crawled up the bed and settled next to him, patting the pillow.

She was infinitely inviting. He ached to lay down next to her, pull her close, and drift to sleep with her safe in his arms. But he was soaked in cold sweat and could feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins. The picture she painted wasn’t an option tonight, no matter how much it appealed.

“I don’t think I’ll be getting back to sleep tonight.”

She gave him a thoughtful look, then hopped out of bed and grabbed his hand, heading for the kitchen. She deposited him on a stool at the counter as she started filling the kettle and pulling out mugs for tea.

The warmth Darcy inspired chased away the cold remains of his nightmares and he focused on the feeling as she quietly fussed over him and buzzed around the kitchen like she belonged there. 

Who was he kidding? Of course she belonged there. The woman climbed down the fire escape and broke into his bedroom to save him from a bad dream. He would be stupid to think she didn’t belong here.

“Make yourself at home,” he teased, smiling at Darcy like she was his favorite sight in the universe. 

***

Bucky closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reveling in the way Darcy filled his senses when she was so close like this. After their tea finished brewing, they’d brought their mugs over to the couch, and promptly cuddled up, _Dog Cops_ softly playing on tv. 

Darcy shifted slightly as she dozed, just a move of her head and a twitch of her shoulder, but it was enough to set his own shoulder to aching again. He made a tiny movement, shifting his back slightly. The gears inside his arm whirred noisily, but there was no relief. The damn scars were aching and were likely to continue for a while. First the nightmare, now this. He had no luck at all. Darcy would be right to never want to spend the night again. The pain flared again causing a very soft groan to escape him. It was no more than a breath really, but Darcy was close enough to hear it. 

She was awake in an instant and turned to look at him, inadvertently brushing against his chest and shoulder as she did so, setting his nerves alight with pain. He grit his teeth and tried not to let his discomfort show on his face. Her brow furrowed lightly in confusion, a question in her gaze.

_What’s wrong?_

He wondered for the second time today if he had somehow become that bad at covering his pain or if Darcy was just that attuned to him. He knew which option he preferred. 

“My shoulder,” he said softly. She glanced down to where she’d be leaning a moment before, guilt flashing through her eyes. “There’s a lot of scar tissue. It’s...uncomfortable. Sometimes.”

Darcy’s lips twitched into a line. 

“Okay. Sometimes it’s more than uncomfortable. Sometimes...it hurts.”

She raised an eyebrow.

“Yes. Right now, they hurt.” This woman will be the death of him, he can tell. 

_But what a way to go._

Darcy’s expression immediately cleared, concern filling her eyes as she searched his. He wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking for, but he steadily met her gaze. He wouldn’t hide from her. Not anymore. Never again, if he could help it.

She shifted again, away from him this time, and he immediately mourned the loss of her comforting weight at his side. She pulled one leg under herself as she rearranged her posture so she was facing him. Once settled, she reached for the hem of his shirt and gave one light, tug.

_Off._

“You want to see?” he asked her incredulously. 

She hesitated for a moment, then met his eyes and held his gaze and she gave his hem another tug. 

It was his turn to search her eyes. She let him, her gaze unwavering. He saw confidence there, a surety that whatever he was willing to show her wouldn’t scare her away. There was also a hint of a plea - she was asking him to share this with her, share this piece of himself that maybe wasn’t so nice. She could handle it.

The last emotion he saw in her eyes, he was certain he was imagining. They were close, sure, and the fact she’d shown up here at all when she’d heard him shout proved she cared about him, but his overactive imagination was projecting his own feelings onto her. He filed the thought away for another time. A universe where Darcy Lewis loved him was the sweetest fantasy he could imagine.

He gave her a small nod, then quickly removed his shirt so she could see his scars for herself.

He expected her to gasp or wince or maybe even lean away in revulsion. Then a flash of memory took him back to the day she’d first made dinner here for them and he realized - she’d already seen his scars. Now she just looked sad.

Darcy raised her hand, her fingertips hovering over the edge of one of the longer scars that twisted its way away from his prosthetic towards his heart. She glanced up at him, asking for permission with her eyes. He nodded. With a whisper light touch, she traced the scar, starting near his heart and working her way towards his shoulder. When her fingers brushed metal, she moved to the next scar and traced back towards his heart. 

And so on, Darcy lightly zig-zagging across his skin with her fingertips. At some point, his eyes slipped closed and he focused on her soft touch, the familiar ache fading into the background as he memorized the feel of her memorizing him. 

She paused when she reached a particularly jagged scar, the skin having healed into a thick, ropey mass. He opened his eyes to see confusion in hers, as she attempted to puzzle out why this scar wasn’t quite like the others.

“I did that,” he said softly. She looked up at him, questions still in her eyes. He tried to give her a small, tight smile, but he was pretty sure he failed. “One night, early on - before what they did really....took hold. They would send me out, before. Usually drugged and under heavy supervision. There was one particular mission...it was bad. When I came to, I was still covered in blood. I tried washing it away, only to find…” he held up his metal hand and briefly wiggled his fingers, the gears and plates whirring softly. “It all came rushing back and I tried desperately to rip the arm out.”

Darcy’s lips parted, as her eyes slipped back to the scar and she lightly brushed it with her fingers again.

“I realized what I had done, what I had become. So I used my right hand to try to gouge out the metal. Excise the infection, so to speak. The brainwashing really amped up after that and I was put into cryo between missions.”

She must be horrified now. Any second now, she’ll snap out of her shock and go running for the door. He braced himself for it, determined not to stop her, and tried to soak up as much of her lovely presence as he could in the moments he had left.

But she didn’t move. She didn’t get up off the couch and leave him. Instead, she surprised him yet again, slowly leaning forward and pressing a light kiss to the scar. She lingered for a moment, her breath tickling his skin and setting his senses alight for a whole host of reasons, then pulled away and reached for the remote. She switched the tv so it would connect with her phone, then she tapped away at her phone, clearly searching for something. Finally, after a minute of determined tapping, a video appeared on the screen.

She looked at him, a little nervous, then started the video.

He wasn’t sure what she was showing him at first. A lot of screaming, civilians running through city streets. Various shots from news footage, security cameras, and social media.

_Greenwich. The Dark Elves._

He knew the story, had read the report well after the fact. This had happened right around the time he’d been fighting Steve in DC, so he’d been completely unaware that there had been a fight for the existence of the universe happening only a few thousand miles away from where HYDRA set him against his best friend. He knew that she and Doctor Foster had been instrumental in saving the world - the entire universe. Darcy was brave and brilliant and he in no way deserved her.

He wasn’t sure why she was showing him this now, however. He glanced at her. Darcy’s eyes were wide, completely focused on him - she was willing him to understand...something. He looked back at the video. 

_Darcy jammed another of Jane’s instruments into the ground. Her fingers flew over the controls as she set everything in place so Jane could operate the device from her control pad as needed._

_“DARCY!” Ian screamed._

_She spun around, just as one of the creatures invading the city swung at her, knocking her to the ground. She kicked out her legs, tripping the creature, and scrambled to her feet. As she did, the creature grabbed at her, swiftly swinging a knife in her direction and catching her calf. Darcy fell back to the ground with a scream._

_The creature climbed over her, a feral look on its face as Ian continued to scream Darcy’s name in the background. An approximation of a grin oozed across the creature’s face as it dragged it’s knife across Darcy’s shoulder, seemingly enjoying her screams. She continued to kick and struggle, finally freeing one arm and punching the creature, knocking it off balance enough to free her._

_She scrambled to her feet and fumbled in her pocket, finally releasing her taser. She took quick aim and fired at the creature. As it convulsed, a quick movement of its hand revealed a remote detonator. A press of a button, a bright flash, then the camera went to static._

Bucky blinked. He’d known that she’d been in the thick of things on more than one occasion, but he’d never imagined it had been like that. Darcy was a civilian, a scientist - she wasn’t a soldier. She wasn’t a spy. These things were supposed to be so far outside her field of experience. His heart broke a little.

“The video...it was from a store?”

Darcy swallowed hard and stared at her phone. Silence reigned as Bucky put the pieces together.

“There were civilians inside. Weren’t there.” It wasn’t really a question. The tears that filled her eyes told him that he was correct.

It wasn’t really the same - she hadn’t detontated whatever explosive the Dark Elves had planted. She hadn’t done anything other than try to survive.

She carried the weight of those deaths on her conscience anyway.

Darcy blinked rapidly, clearing her tears, as she tugged her thick cardigan off, revealing the tank top she wore underneath. A thick, pink scar ran under her collarbone, creating a jagged line from her shoulder to her heart.

Bucky’s breath caught in his chest. Instinctively, he reached out to touch her scar, but just barely stopped himself before actually touching her skin.

His eyes snapped to hers. “May I?”

She gently grasped his wrist and guided his hand to her scar. He traced it, memorizing her the way she had him.

“Darcy,” he murmured.

She reached up and gently stroked his cheek, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his.

_I love you, soulmate. All of you. I love you._


	18. Chapter 18

Steve accompanied them to the first preliminary appointment the next morning, for which Darcy was grateful. Bucky needed as much love and support around him at the moment as they could get. Intellectually, she knew that Steve would drop everything to help his friend, but still. It was pretty awesome to see Steve’s devotion in action.

As the elevator doors opened, Bucky tugged her a little closer, dropping her hand and wrapping his arm around her. “Thank you for being here,” he murmured, dropping a kiss into her hair. Her eyes fluttered closed as she savored the feeling the sweet gesture inspired. She had a feeling that he wasn’t just referring to the appointment. 

She looked up into his eyes and gave him a smile, trying to ignore the ever-growing ache in her chest that she couldn’t do more. When all this was over, and she could speak to Bucky as often as she wanted, he was going to get so sick of her telling him she loved him. She couldn’t wait.

_Soon._

“Okay, lovebirds, let’s go,” Steve teased, leading them out of the elevator and through the glass doors into the lab area set aside for Shuri and her team. Taking a quick look around the lab, Darcy noted a few faces she recognized from around the Tower - specialists working on Tony Stark’s BARF program, mostly, plus a few of the more senior techs with higher security clearances.

“Sergeant Barnes, Captain Rogers,” Shuri greeted. “Doctor Lewis,” she grinned.

“Not for a little while yet,” Darcy demurred, as Shuri waved her off. 

“Soon enough,” she said. “And then,” she smiled conspiratorially, “we get down to the real work.”

Darcy blinked in surprise - surely she was misunderstanding. Shuri wanted to work with _Jane_ , not her. Right?

“My girl is gonna knock ‘em dead,” Bucky agreed, and looked down at her, adding quietly, “And if you think for one second I’m not going to tell every person we ever meet how brilliant you are, you’ve got another thing coming.”

“He’s not kidding,” Steve said, dryly. “I’ve already heard about it about 100 times. Today.” He shook his head. “As if I didn’t already know.”

Darcy felt her face heat up and she was smiling so hard her face felt like it would split in two. Shuri and Steve continued walking while Bucky pulled Darcy to a stop in the hall. He leaned close and spoke so only she could hear. “You are brilliant, Darcy. One day, you’ll believe me when I tell you.”

Darcy thought she wanted to tell him she loved him the most when he spoke to her like this - leaning in close so his words were for her alone. She couldn’t wait until she could do the same. For now, she turned her head and nuzzled him a little before brushing a brief kiss to his lips. His unwavering faith in her was a little overwhelming, especially as she couldn’t articulate how much it meant to her at the moment.

He let out a short happy sigh and nudged her nose with his. “It means a lot, you and Steve gettin’ along.” She looked up at him in confusion and he shook his head. “It was...it wasn’t like that, with people we knew back then. And me and Natasha…” he made a disgruntled noise in the back of his throat. “Well, you’ll read it in the file. It’s complicated.”

She gave him a sly, knowing look. _How complicated?_

“Get your mind out of the gutter. I didn’t sleep with her, I shot her. Twice.”

Darcy’s shoulders shook with silent laughter as they turned to follow Shuri further into the lab. When did her life become such that mentions of people she cared about shooting each other was something she laughed at? 

_Superheroes. What a life._

“Only my girl would find that funny,” Bucky muttered, his voice thick with affection.

Darcy stopped and spun around to face him. She cupped his face with her hands and planted a firm kiss against his lips, then winked and turned to follow Shuri once more. Bucky stood frozen to the spot.

Darcy stopped short as one of the doctors from Chem 5 cut across her path. 

“Doctor Lorraine,” Darcy greeted through gritted teeth. 

“Coattails. You don’t belong here. Leeches are downstairs.”

“Lovely to see you, too.” Darcy moved to join Shuri and Steve in front of an open imaging machine far more advanced than anything Darcy had ever seen. Bucky quickly walked up behind her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“What was that about?” he murmured in her ear.

Perfect. The last thing Darcy wanted was Bucky worrying about right now was a stupid office rivalry. She gave him a wan smile and rolled her eyes.

“Not buyin’ it, Darce.”

Her smile grew a little and she reached up to the hand around her shoulder and laced her fingers with Bucky’s.

“Give me a sign and she’s gone. That goes for anyone in here, Steve included.” Bucky tilted his head to one side. “Maybe not Shuri. She might be needed.”

Darcy couldn’t help but laugh. She reached up and briefly stroked Bucky’s chin, trying to tell him with her eyes how much she appreciated the sentiment. 

“Hey,” he said seriously, turning to her and pulling her close. “It’s important to me that you’re okay with all this. _You_ are important to me. The rest of this,” he shook his head. “You have a bad feeling, we’ll figure something else out, okay?”

As soon as those triggers were out of his head, Darcy was never going to stop telling him how much she loved him. Seriously. She was not going to shut up about it.

“Whenever you’re ready, Bucky,” Shuri called, a hint of laughter in her voice.

Bucky reluctantly disentangled himself from Darcy so he could stand where Shuri indicated as her euphoria evaporated and icy fingers of unease crept into Darcy’s stomach. She shifted her weight from foot to foot and tried to ignore the creeping dread.

“We’ll wait outside,” Steve said, motioning to Darcy.

Shuri laughed. “There is no danger here. My machine is not so primitive.”

“I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised,” Steve replied with a grin.

Darcy looked around at all of the scientists bustling around the lab, taking in the commotion and trying to ignore Doctor Lorraine’s glare. She sighed. Was it a happy accident that Chem 5 had been researching the serum? Or had the Avengers set this in motion long before she and Bucky ever met? Her unease grew with every new question that bubbled up in her brain. She could feel Bucky’s eyes on her, so she turned back to him and gave him her most reassuring smile. He might think he covered it well - his flirting got more and more outrageous his anxiety grew and he’d developed a tendency to cling to her like a favorite security blanket, two behaviors she highly encouraged - but there was no need to let on that she was getting the jitters as well. And no matter what he said, this was their best chance at fixing this. She wasn’t going to throw that chance away on a bad feeling. She couldn’t do that to Bucky. She wouldn’t.

Her face must have given her away. “Hang on. Darcy, what’s going on?” he said quietly, taking a step forward and reaching for her. He laced their fingers together. 

“Doctor Lorraine, was there something you needed from that file?” Shuri asked sharply, causing the doctor to jump. 

The pretty blonde tittered nervously. “This case is just so…” she stared at Bucky. “...fascinating,” she finished breathlessly. Bucky looked distinctly annoyed and uncomfortable, looking away from Darcy and keeping his eyes fixed on the wall while Steve glared at the doctor.

“We should stop,” Bucky muttered. “I don’t like this.”

Darcy’s eyes widened. “Princess Shuri -”

Steve cleared his throat. “Doctor Lorraine,” he began.

The doctor ignored him. “Really though,” she said to Bucky. “ _Sputnik_?”

“Shit!” Steve dove for Darcy, wrenching her hand out of Bucky’s suddenly loose grip, and pushed her out of the lab, knocking the breath out of her. 

“What’s happening?” Darcy asked. 

“Words!” Steve spat and slammed the door, locking her out and leaving her alone.

Darcy blinked, stunned silent and unable to move, barely registering the yelling and commotion coming from the other side of the door.

Words?

As in...Words?

As in... _Bucky’s_ Words?

Oh god. No. No no no no no no no.

She’d been wrong. All this time, she’d convinced herself that everything would be okay. They would make it through this and in the end actually have a shot at happiness. Only to have the endlessly gorgeous Doctor Lorraine from fucking Chem 5 utter Bucky’s Words, set off the Soldier, and bring Darcy’s world crashing down on her head.

Darcy clapped a hand over her mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to escape her. She would give anything, literally pay any price to go back to five minutes ago when life was beautiful and they were happy.

Out. She needed out. Right now. She stumbled towards the door on the other side of the office that would take her into the hall.

Bucky saying her Words had been a fluke. A false positive. She’d allowed herself to hope, fallen head over heels for him, only to find she was wrong. So, so completely, utterly, _heartbreakingly_ wrong.

She wasn’t Bucky’s soulmate.


	19. Chapter 19

“Ms. Lewis?” Hydra Bob asked. “Are you alright?”

“Hmmmm?” Darcy hummed. She blinked looking around. How the hell did she end up in the lobby?

“You came off the elevator about 20 minutes ago and have been pacing the lobby ever since.”

“Oh.” 

“Are you alright?”

Tears spilled out of her eyes and she shook her head. “No.”

Bob looked flustered, but remained steadfast. “Let’s get you into a conference room. Can I call someone?”

_Bucky._

Darcy violently shoved that thought away. Steve would have subdued the Soldier by now. Bucky was probably recovering and needed time to bond with his… She choked a little then forced herself to think it. He needed time to bond with his soulmate. She and Bucky could...say their goodbyes or whatever later.

“No,” she whimpered.

“Okay. Come on, let’s go this way.” Bob lead her into an empty conference room just off the main lobby. Once she was settled into a chair, he grabbed a bottle of water from the tiny refrigerator hidden in one of the cabinets along the wall. “Can I get you some coffee or something?” he asked, holding out the water. She shook her head no and he slid a box of tissues across the table to her. “I’ll be right outside, okay?”

“Thanks Bob,” she whispered, her voice watery.

He gave her a nod then left, leaving the door open behind him so she could see him at his post in the lobby. He glanced back at her worriedly, but apparently wasn’t going to hover. Darcy was infinitely grateful.

Bob had only made it about three steps out of the room when Steve Rogers burst out of the elevator. “Darcy!” he yelled and purposefully strode towards them.

Darcy’s breath hitched and Bob’s head snapped to look at her again. He set his jaw in determination, then turned back towards Steve.

“Sorry, Mr. America, sir, but Ms. Lewis isn’t accepting visitors at this time,” he said, stepping in front of Steve.

“What?” Steve snapped. “Darcy! What the hell?”

“Step back!” Bob commanded. “Sir,” he added as an afterthought. Steve was, technically, his boss, after all.

“I don’t have time for this.”

“Neither do I and you’ll do well to lower your voice in the lobby.” Bob seemed to shrink in the face of Steve’s glare, but he held his ground and didn’t allow Steve one inch closer to Darcy.

Steve growled in frustration, but lowered his voice to address Darcy. “Darcy. When you’re done here, meet me upstairs.” He turned on his heel and strode back to the elevator. A moment later and he was on his way back up to the labs.

Bob slowly sank to the ground. Her own problems momentarily forgotten, Darcy scrambled out of her chair to get to him and thrust her unopened bottle of water into his hands. 

“I’m so fired,” he muttered. “Allison’s going to kill me. The kids just got braces. Think Wade needs a sidekick?”

Darcy sighed. Bob was a good guy. How he’d ever wound up with HYDRA, she’d never understand. “You could do so much better than being Wade’s sidekick, Bob.”

“I like being the sidekick,” he whined.

“In that case, go nuts. But this moment right here? You’re definitely my hero,” Darcy said sincerely. 

“You’re the only person in this place who’s nice to me,” Bob observed. “Well, your friend Jane is too, but she can’t seem to remember my name.”

Darcy blinked at Bob’s babbling, but didn’t reply. She didn’t know how to reply. Given the events of the last half hour, she clearly didn’t know shit.

“I’ll call you a car to get you home. You’re in no shape for the subway,” Bob said, still sitting on the floor and shaking. “Maybe I’ll call myself one too. Since I’m probably fired.”

“Bob, my man,” Darcy replied, “if you’re fired for that, I’m walkin’ out, too.”

***

Darcy had never been more grateful that Jane hadn’t moved into Clint’s building than that very moment. She didn’t really want to be alone right now and her apartment was just too close to both Steve and Bucky. She couldn’t risk running into them until she’d gotten a better handle on herself.

Heaven forbid Doctor Lorraine was with them.

Who was she kidding? This heartbreak wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. If she looked down, she was half convinced she’d see a hole in her torso from where her heart had been ripped out of her chest. In her mind’s eye, she could see a bloody trail connecting the spot in the lab where she’d left her heart and where she was standing now. 

She’d really truly believed that she’d found her soulmate in Bucky. She loved him, desperately. She would do anything to make him happy. Anything to see him safe and warm and loved the way he deserved.

Including this - giving him the space he would need to bond with his real soulmate. She would clear out as gracefully as she could manage and let him get on with his life.

Jane threw open the door. “Darcy? Aren’t you supposed to be…” Jane’s voice trailed off Darcy’s tear-streaked face registered. “What happened?”

“Janey,” Darcy whimpered and threw herself into her friend’s arms. Jane gasped in surprise, but immediately embraced Darcy, rubbing soothing circles into her back as Darcy sobbed into her shoulder. 

“Let’s get you inside. I’ll make tea.”

Jane settled Darcy on the couch, wrapped her up in a blanket like a burrito, and shut off the tv. She hurried into the kitchen where she’d already had a kettle on. A few minutes later the soothing scent of lavender filled the air as Jane brought out two steaming mugs of Darcy’s favorite lavender mint tea.

“What happened?” Jane asked, handing Darcy her mug and settling on the couch next to her.

The whole story spilled out. Jane’s expression changed from concerned, to horrified, to confused.

“Doctor Lorraine? From fucking Chem 5? What the hell?”

Darcy snorted. She didn’t need reminded. The pretty doctor had always been a thorn in their side, between her disregard for most safety measures and the woman’s frequent snide comments about Jane’s past with Thor. Not to mention the insinuations that the only reason Jane was working with the Avengers at all was because of Thor - not because her theories had any merit. Doctor Lorraine was the worst. 

“Darcy, are you sure? I don’t think -”

“Jane, why else would Steve throw me out of the lab? No, Doctor Lorraine said Bucky’s Words, triggered the Soldier, and Steve was doing what he could to limit the casualties.”

Jane stared at Darcy. “Darcy, slow down. You’re probably jumping -”

“Jane!” Darcy sobbed. She didn’t want her friend’s platitudes right now.

Jane pressed on. “Doctor Lorraine is in no way equipped to handle sitting next to Bucky on the _subway_ , let alone be his soulmate. I think you’ve got this wrong.”

“The universe knows what it’s doing, Jane.”

“Oh really?” Jane’s voice was thick with sarcasm and Darcy winced. “From where I’m sitting, the universe doesn’t know shit.”

“Jane-”

“Fucking Doctor Lorraine. Are you kidding me? No. Darcy, think about it. Even if you’re right, who cares? You love Bucky, don’t you?” A silent sob shook Darcy’s shoulders. “The way he looks at you, I know he loves you, too. So that’s that. He can be the soulmate you choose, Darcy. Forget the universe. I don’t know why you put so much faith in all that anyway.” 

“Settled science, Jane. We’re scientists, we’ve read the research. We know the facts.” Darcy’s voice was broken and miserable, but her tears had slowed. “Bucky was a false positive,” she whispered.

“You love him though.”

“It felt...right.”

Jane considered her friend, then lowered her voice. “I think you’re wrong about all this. I love you, but I think you were surprised and upset and made a very big assumption that is ultimately going to be wrong.”

Darcy shook her head. “You didn’t see the way Steve reacted.”

“Steve always overreacts when it comes to Bucky, you know that. The entire world knows that.”

Darcy just shook her head again but didn’t reply. Jane sighed and they sipped their tea in silence.

“Darcy,” Jane said quietly. 

“Yeah Janey?”

“Want to watch something sappy and stuff ourselves full of tacos?”

“Yes please.”

“I’ll get the menu. You pick the movie.”


	20. Chapter 20

Bucky slowly blinked awake, the familiar grogginess that accompanied an appearance by the Soldier heavy in his mind. Only one coherent thought made it through the fog. 

“Darcy?” he slurred.

“Bucky,” Steve said, sitting up in his chair next to the bed and setting his sketchbook aside.

Bucky cleared his throat and shook his head, trying to wake up. “Steve.” He did a quick mental tally of his limbs and overall physical state, then slowly tried to sit up. “Where’s Darcy?”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’ll feel better when Darcy is next to me.”

Steve sighed. “Doctor Lorraine from Chem 5 used the knockout trigger. You collapsed. That was about nine hours ago.”

Steve’s evasiveness both infuriated and terrified him. “Where is Darcy?” It was the knockout trigger - he couldn’t have hurt her. Could he? Oh god, what if the knockout trigger didn’t do what they thought it did. What if he hurt Darcy? 

“We’re in the process of redacting Doctor Lorraine. Her contract has been terminated and she’ll be off premises within the hour. Would have been done sooner, but Princess Shuri hit her with some Wakandan weapon, which alerted the Dora Milaje. After we cleared that up, then we had to wait for Lorraine to stop drooling long enough to answer questions coherently. Since she’d been researching the serum, trying to find a way to use it to remove your triggers-“

“I don’t give a shit. Where the _fuck_ is my girl?” He was aiming for angry, but his voice just came out terrified.

Steve sighed again, his frustration evident. “Gone.”

Bucky stared at him. “What.”

“She left. Has Hydra Bob running interference for her.”

A block of ice settled in Bucky’s stomach. “Oh.”

“Sorry, Buck. I went after her, but needed to get back here to deal with Lorraine and -“

“It’s fine.” It was the furthest thing from fine Bucky could imagine. He couldn’t imagine that taking one of Stark’s repulsor blasts to the chest could hurt worse than this.

“Bob called a car for her, I can find out where they dropped her and -”

“Don’t.”

“Bucky,” Steve chided quietly.

“It’s fine,” he repeated, then swallowed hard, attempting to contain the bile that was quickly rising in his throat. “I’ll be fine. When can I get out of here?”

Steve didn’t look convinced, but didn’t press further. “We can go right now.”

“Yeah. Yeah, let’s go home.”

***

As soon as Bucky kicked the door to his apartment closed, leaving a concerned Steve in the hall, he bolted for the bathroom. He barely made it there in time before heaving the contents of his stomach into the toilet.

How could he have been so foolish? He’d let himself believe that Darcy could handle it - that maybe the universe had been kind for once and granted him this one precious thing. A soulmate that wouldn’t run when his past caught up to them. Someone he loved. Someone who could maybe love him. He never should have let himself believe it. The universe had a hard on for his misery. This was no different.

He heaved again. He didn’t blame Darcy. She’d been so strong for so long - he couldn’t believe she hadn’t run screaming long before now.

Okay, maybe he hated her just a little. She’d stuck around for so long, he’d started to believe that she’d never leave him. That she wanted _him_. For one brief moment, he really thought that they could be happy. They _had_ been happy. Dammit, he had started to _hope_.

Clearly, he was a fool. The universe wasn’t so kind as to allow a monster like him any kind of peace.

He sat back against the bathroom door and let his head fall back with a sharp thud, attempting to push aside the searing pain of it all and think through this dispassionately. It didn’t make sense. Darcy had taken _everything_ in stride. Why had _this_ \- his knockout trigger, words planted in his head to knock him unconscious should he put the wrong people in danger, the most benign of all his innumerable issues - been the thing that caused her to run? Was it just the reminder of how powerful his triggers were? Fucking HYDRA. He almost wished there was something left of the organization for him to burn to the ground right now, but they had mostly salted that earth years ago.

No, the triggers couldn’t be it. Shuri was confident that she could remove them. Three months and it would be over. They were so damn _close_. So what was it? Why was she just...gone?

He had to speak to her. There had to be more to this. This couldn’t be how they ended. They’d barely even begun - they hadn’t scratched the surface of just how happy they could be. 

He was going to fight for her. They had something worth fighting for and he owed it to them both to at least try. If he gave it everything he had and she still didn’t want him, he would respect her decision. He would love her with every molecule of his being until the day he died, but if she truly didn’t want him, he would walk away. It would rip him in half. It might literally kill him. But he would do it. For her.

But he couldn’t let her go until he at least tried.

***

Bucky approached Darcy’s door apprehensively. He wasn’t exactly sure what he would say to her when she opened the door, but he couldn’t wait. It wasn’t like they’d had an argument and needed some time apart to cool off. In all likelihood, there was a serious issue here and they needed to work it out before the chasm currently between them grew into an insurmountable distance. 

He reached out and rapped his knuckles against the door.

Silence. What time was it? Maybe he should have thought about this a little more before coming up here.

Bucky leaned closer to the door, attempting to pick up any hint of movement inside. After a moment, he knocked again. Maybe she was asleep?

Still nothing.

Maybe she didn’t want a parade of well-meaning friends. Maybe, if he was lucky, she’d open the door if she knew it was him. 

“Darcy?” he called through the door. “It’s Bucky.”

He pressed his ear to the door. Everything was quiet inside.

“Please Darcy. I know today was...Please let me in.”

He leaned away from the door and considered his options. If she didn’t want to see him, there wasn’t much he could do. He wasn’t about to terrorize her in her own home, stalking around outside until she had to come out and face him. He could try talking to her through the door, but that didn’t feel right. She still couldn’t respond, so he would have no way of knowing what exactly he’d done to make everything go so wrong. 

Bucky knocked on Darcy’s door one more time. “Darcy,” his voice broke as he called through the door again. “Please,” he whispered, the silence from inside her apartment almost deafening him. He felt tears well up in his eyes and did nothing to contain them. It had been years since he’d cried - decades even. It certainly felt warranted now. He turned around and slid down her door until he hit the floor. “Please,” he whispered again.

“Sergeant Barnes?”

His head snapped towards the elevator. Doctor Foster was standing in the hall, Darcy’s keys in hand.

“Hey doc,” he replied weakly, wiping at his eyes.

“What are you doing?” she asked warily.

“I need to talk to Darcy.”

“She’s not here.”

His eyes snapped to hers. “Will you tell me where she is?”

Jane swallowed hard. “I’m not sure I should.”

He nodded and slumped further towards the floor. Jane was a good friend. “Is she okay?”

“No.”

Bucky closed his eyes and thumped his head against Darcy’s door. This morning, things were perfect. He had been with Darcy and they had been _happy_. He’d even thought that maybe...one day...she might grow to love him the way he loved her. That...maybe...she already did. Or was at least starting to. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly?

His brain helpfully supplied the memory of Darcy in the hall this morning, giving him a wink and smiling at him. Of the soft look in her eyes as she leaned in to kiss him. Of the warm feeling that spread through his chest as they laughed together when he whispered in her ear. Another tear slipped down his cheek and he didn’t bother to wipe it away.

They had to sort this out. They just had to.

Jane’s tentative voice interrupted his thoughts. “Want to tell me what happened?”

He sighed. “One of the docs said one of my triggers.”

“Which trigger?”

“Knockout.”

Jane’s eyes lit up. “Not your Words?”

Bucky’s stomach dropped as his eyes sprung open and he looked back at Jane. “What?” he hissed.

Jane gave him a disgusted look. “You need to talk to Steve.”

Bucky’s blood was rushing in his ears. “Apparently I do,” he growled. He pulled himself to his feet and took a deep breath to try to calm himself. “Could you tell Darcy…” He sighed and dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. He was exhausted.

“Yes?” Jane prompted.

“Tell her…” Tell her, what, exactly? He knew exactly what he _wanted_ to tell her, what he _should_ tell her. What he should have told her every day since they first met. But Darcy deserved to hear those three words from him, not through a third party. Finally, he shrugged helplessly at Jane. “Tell her I’d like to talk to her?”

Jane’s expression was blank, but she nodded. He got the impression he’d failed a test he hadn’t known he was taking. Story of his life, really.

“Thanks doc.” He turned to go back to his apartment.

“Sergeant Barnes, I know this wasn’t your fault,” she called after him, bringing him to a halt. “She doesn’t blame you either. She’s just...she’s heartbroken.” He turned back to face her and she looked at him helplessly. “She’s had her faith in the universe shaken. I think you can still fix this. I’m rooting for you, anyway. The two of you…” she shrugged. “You could work. Where so many others fail.”

He was stunned silent. It never occurred to him that Darcy’s friends could accept him. 

“Thank you,” he replied finally. “Jane.”

She smiled. “I’d better see you soon. Bucky.”

“You will,” he promised, then turned again to leave, to track down Steve and figure out just what exactly happened in the lab today.


	21. Chapter 21

Bucky threw open the door to Steve’s apartment without knocking. If the door had been locked, he hadn’t noticed. Kate was probably going to bill him for that.

“Bucky?” Steve asked in surprise, looking up from his sketchbook. Natasha lowered the gun she’d instinctively pulled seemingly from thin air and settled back onto the couch. Bucky distantly registered that he was very lucky he wasn’t currently nursing a bullet hole in his head, but couldn’t spare the energy to think about that right now.

“You have two minutes to tell me _exactly_ what happened in the lab before I punch your skull in.”

“What-“

“Clock’s ticking.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say! What are you asking?”

“After that doctor said the knockout trigger,” Bucky growled with forced patience, “what happened? Exactly.”

Natasha’s eyes narrowed at Steve as he raised his hands in exasperation. “I didn’t know why Lorraine would use the trigger, so I got Darcy out before neutralizing her.”

“And?”

“And what?” Steve snapped. Natasha’s eyes flicked between them as though she were watching a tennis match.

“Did you say anything to Darcy?”

“No, I…” Steve trailed off. “I…” A guilty expression crossed his face as he seemingly came to a realization.

“You…?” Bucky prompted, impatiently.

Steve hesitated. “Don’t be mad.”

“Goddammit Steve, just tell me.”

“It’s possible...I might have given Darcy the wrong idea.”

Natasha sighed audibly and let her head fall against the back of the couch.

Bucky advanced on his friend. “What. Did. You. Do.”

“In the confusion,” Steve said slowly, “I might have not been specific enough about what was happening. I got her out of the room, I got her to _safety_ , and when she asked me what was happening…” Bucky glared at him and Steve continued. “I yelled ‘Words!’ before shutting the door and dealing with the doctor.”

“боже мой,” Natasha groaned.

Bucky felt like he’d been punched in the gut. “So...Darcy was told by _the only person alive_ who knows my Words...that a random person I’d never met before...said something to me that triggered a reaction. And you _didn’t specify_ the reaction.”

Steve hesitated. “That’s...not an inaccurate summation.”

“Do you see why that might be a problem?” 

“Bucky...I can fix this.”

“You’ve done enough,” Natasha muttered.

“Do you have _any_ idea the damage you’ve done?” Bucky breathed. He couldn’t fully comprehend the scope of the anger burning in his chest right now, but he did know that he wanted to put Steve’s head through the wall. Steve was his best friend. His brother. He loved him. But right now he needed to walk away before he attempted to kill him. Again. 

“Buck-“

“NO.” Bucky yelled, slamming his hand against the wall. Steve tensed and Natasha was on her feet in an instant, her posture indicating that she was prepared for a fight. “No,” he repeated, quietly. He flexed his hands, balling them into fists and then releasing, trying desperately to contain the sheer emotion rushing through him. “I’m going to leave. You are not going to follow. You are not going to speak to me until I decide that I can forgive you for this.”

“Buck-“

Bucky glared at him, silencing his plea immediately, then Bucky turned and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

***

Outside, Bucky felt the weight of what just happened settle in his chest. Darcy’s worst fear come to life, right in front of them. They’d been so close. So close.

Well, this changed nothing. He was still going to fight for her. Now that he had the full story, he could put together a plan. He could prove to Darcy that she was everything - Words or no, she was his soulmate. He wanted her, all of her, and he was most definitely, completely, _utterly_ hers, for as long as she’d have him. Period. 

What was a soulmate anyway? What had he heard Darcy say to Steve that day in the kitchen?

_Soulmates aren’t just words that show up on our skin. You can feel it, can’t you? You know?_

He knew. He absolutely knew. She had crawled under his skin, seeped into his bones, and rushed through his veins. She was everything he had ever wanted and ever would want. Bucky Barnes knew that Darcy Lewis was his soulmate. No matter what the universe had to say on the matter.

She had been so strong for so long, so unwavering in her belief that they were soulmates. She’d chased him down and been a rock of support when he was afraid. Now it was his turn to do the same for her. Her faith in the universe was shaken? Fine. She could put her faith in him instead. The universe was a dick anyway.

But where to start? Jane wasn’t going to give, she was far too loyal and too good of a friend to Darcy to help him, no matter how much she might be rooting for him.

What had Steve said when he’d first woken up? Hydra Bob was running interference for Darcy. Well.

Looks like he’d be paying Hydra Bob a visit.

***

Bucky banged on the door. He could hear shuffling inside as the person inside made their way to the door. He heard locks sliding out of position as Bob made to answer the door without checking the peephole first.

The door swung open.

“AAAGGGHH!” Bob shrieked and slammed the door closed again.

Bucky rolled his eyes. As if the door would stop him if he really wanted to get in. As if he’d even bother using the door. Sure, Bob had _technically_ been one of his handlers, but it wasn’t like Bob had ever been one of HYDRA’s decision-makers. If Bucky really had designs on hunting down the bastards who had destroyed his life, Bob wouldn’t have ever made the list. 

There was a reason Bucky had gotten the man out of HYDRA before it all went to hell, after all. Bob had been the only decent person in that shithole.

He banged on the door again and it cracked open. 

“Don’t kill me,” Bob squeaked.

“Do anything lately that would warrant it?”

“I yelled at Captain America.”

Bucky scoffed. “Do you want a medal? Where’s Darcy?”

Bob’s eyes narrowed. “Why?” he asked slowly.

Bucky sighed, deflating. “She’s my soulmate, Bob. And things are real messed up at the moment. I want to try to make it right.”

“ _You’re_ Darcy’s soulmate?”

“Yep.”

“Man, did you hit the jackpot.”

“Tell me about it.”

“You messed it up. You’re why she was crying,” Bob said suspiciously.

“Extenuating circumstances, but, yes.”

“I can’t help you.”

Bucky blinked. “Excuse me?”

“Sorry,” Bob shrugged. “But you made Darcy cry. I’ve never seen her so upset. She was practically catatonic when I found her.”

Bucky closed his eyes at that. Add that to the list of things to hate HYDRA for. To hate himself for. “Bob...please. I want to try to fix this. I need to try. Please.”

Bob’s eyes softened. “Look. I know you’ve been through hell,” he said quietly, “and you know that I think you deserve some happiness. But not at her expense. I’m sorry. Find someone else to help you.”

Bob shut the door and re-engaged the locks, leaving Bucky alone in the hall without a clue what to do next.


	22. Chapter 22

“I need to get to the Halifax Observatory.”

Jane’s brow furrowed as she slowly turned to look at Darcy. She thrust the stack of papers towards her and dropped them on the desk when they betrayed how badly her hands were shaking.

“Darcy…” Jane sighed.

“I really think I need to be there to observe these anomalies in person.”

“Darcy,” Jane admonished.

“You drove us into a tornado to chase down your theory!”

Jane sighed again and shook her head. “You’re running.”

Darcy closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. “I just...I can’t do this. Not here. Not right now.”

“Running 900 miles away isn’t going to help anything.”

“867 miles, and I know it won’t.” Darcy sighed. “I just need some time.”

“Darcy…I talked to Bucky.”

“Please Jane. Don’t. I can’t...I can’t do this right now.”

“I talked to _Bucky_ , Darcy. You need to know that -”

Darcy threw her hands over her ears. “I can’t. Jane. I can’t. Not right now. I kept you fed and watered and _employed_ for over a year after New Mexico and if you can’t give me a little time now, then...then I quit.”

Jane glared half heartedly at her friend. “Resignation not accepted.” She sighed and looked down at the pages Darcy had dropped in front of her. “Your presentation is on the 18th. After that...we’re having this conversation.”

“Thank you,” Darcy whispered. She felt Jane’s eyes on her as she walked away and made an abrupt turn towards the lab kitchen. Jane had been a fantastically supportive friend through this entire ordeal - she’d let Darcy crash on her couch since _that day_ , been down to watch every sappy movie Darcy could find, and provided a fantastic shoulder to cry on. Jane was quick with the tissues and the tacos, always ready to support whatever Darcy needed in that moment. Darcy was forever grateful for Jane. But she also recognized that Jane had a very different opinion of what might have happened that day in the lab and knew that Jane was just waiting for the right moment to spring her theories on her. 

Darcy was willing to do quite a lot of things to keep that moment from arriving. Jane had been trying for days and Darcy had always been as quick to shut her down as she was today. It wasn’t something Darcy was ready to think about, at least until her doctorate was wrapped up and she could focus on putting her life back together. With the date of her presentation inching ever closer, Darcy just couldn’t afford to get distracted. 

Bucky had proven to be an excellent distraction the moment Darcy met him. Hence the impromptu trip to Canada.

She was so close. After she finished her presentation, after her degree was done, then she could deal with the rest of the mess she’d made of her life. Maybe it was childish and irresponsible, sticking her head in the sand rather than dealing with her problems like the adult she claimed to be. But she was exhausted, mentally and emotionally, and she just didn’t see any other option at the moment. This was how she needed to deal with her life right now.

She would just have to face - and accept - the consequences later. Part of her wondered if this was what Sam meant all those months ago. He couldn’t have known how things would turn out, but he had cautioned her that there would be fallout from how her Words had gotten twisted up in Bucky’s triggers. He was right - Darcy didn’t ever want to hear her Words ever again. She’d even taken to showering with her cuff firmly in place so she wouldn’t even have to see them.

If her soulmate wasn’t Bucky, she just didn’t see the point.

Despite her best efforts, Darcy’s thoughts swirled down into a shame spiral as she started a fresh pot of coffee brewing. What if Jane was right? She _had_ been listening to Jane’s argument that day, even if Jane thought she’d shut her out. What if Darcy had this all wrong and she was the bad guy in all this, needlessly torturing not only herself, but Bucky? He didn’t deserve that - not after how amazing he’d been these last few months. And honestly - she’d thought about this before. If she and Bucky weren’t actually soulmates, she had already decided she still wanted him. Why, then, when presented with evidence that they weren’t soulmates, was she running? Why had all her courage failed her?

_Because Bucky deserves the chance to decide for himself what he wants._

She briefly closed her eyes at the pain that thought brought. Was she making the choice for him by staying away? Or was she giving him space to decide for himself? Her confusion compounded her heartache and her head throbbed in time with the sobs she desperately choked back.

She glanced over her shoulder. Jane was absorbed in whatever data was pouring over her screen again. Darcy inched a little closer to the corner, where she was almost completely out of sight of the rest of the lab, and looked at her watch.

Three minutes. She had three minutes to cry, then two minutes to pull herself back together, and then she’d go back to her desk and pack up so she could get to Halifax by morning.

***

Bucky stared at the wall, unblinking, while Shuri bustled around him, adjusting her machines and double checking her readings. Her brow furrowed as she concentrated on the latest readings in front of her.

“How are you feeling, Sergeant Barnes?” she asked without looking up from her tablet.

“Fine.”

Her eyes flicked up to him. “You’re not in any pain?”

“No more than usual.”

“I’m seeing quite a bit of-”

“I’m used to it,” he interrupted quietly.

Shuri ran her eyes over him. “How long have you had the headaches?”

“I don’t remember not having them.”

“Have they gotten worse lately? More frequent or intense?”

“I haven’t noticed,” he replied tonelessly.

Shuri leaned back from her console and crossed her arms over her chest. “Where’s Darcy?”

Bucky closed his eyes, but didn’t reply.

***

Steve looked on from the other side of the one-way glass, sadly observing Bucky and Shuri. Shuri had disabled the speakers the last time she’d caught him watching Bucky’s appointments, and threatened to have him removed from the building entirely if she caught him trying to eavesdrop again. He supposed he should consider himself lucky that she allowed him to observe from here.

Bucky needed _someone_ in his corner, especially now that Darcy had seemingly run off. He wondered if Bucky knew she’d left for Canada. Judging by the look on his friend’s face, he’d heard and was not taking it well.

He sighed. He wasn’t being entirely fair. He knew he shouldered a good portion of the blame for Darcy’s current absence. He just didn’t know what to do about it. Natasha had explicitly told him to stay out of it and her advice had never steered him wrong before. He just really wished Nat’s advice had been a course of action, rather than inaction.

He tried to imagine it from Darcy’s point of view. Darcy didn’t know that Steve had accidentally given her the wrong impression. If it had been him, _believing_ that Natasha was his soulmate, _knowing_ it in his very bones - and then finding out that he’d been wrong all along? 

Just the thought cut a hole in his chest and he was thinking in the hypothetical. It had to be a thousand times worse for Darcy. Still, he knew he would fight for Nat. He couldn’t help but wonder why Darcy wasn’t fighting for Bucky.

Steve sighed again. Trying to figure out what a woman was thinking had never been his strong suit. 

“He still not speaking to you?” Sam asked quietly, approaching the glass, watching Bucky and Shuri.

“Not a word.”

“He speaking to _anyone_? I haven’t seen him since before everything went to hell.”

Steve hung his head. “No idea.”

The two men stood in silence as Shuri continued her work and Bucky stared at the wall of the lab.

“Nat still telling you to keep out of it?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Steve replied. He turned away from the glass to look at Sam. “What do you think?”

“I think the world would be better off if more people listened to Nat.”

“I’m serious.”

“You think I’m not?”

Steve turned back towards the window. “I hate this.”

“Yeah well, I’m pretty sure Bucky and Darcy hate it more.”

There was a sharp knock at the door before Natasha let herself in. She glanced quickly between Steve and Sam before focusing on Bucky on the other side of the glass. She wordlessly passed a slip of paper to Sam.

“I don’t have clearance for that.”

“You’re best qualified.”

Steve’s brow furrowed at her statement as Sam read the note.

“Oh man,” he muttered, then turned to leave.

***

“Sergeant Barnes, I have a theory.” Shuri motioned to a chair next to her console, inviting him to sit with her.

Bucky slumped into the chair and stared at the ground.

“Sergeant Barnes?” Shuri prompted.

“Bucky,” he replied.

Shuri gave him a small smile. “Bucky. I have a theory about your headaches.” He raised his eyes to hers. “An incomplete soul bond can cause physical symptoms. I think your headaches-”

He cut her off with a shake of his head. “I’ve always had headaches.”

“What about nightmares?”

“Those too.”

“Yes, but have they _changed_?”

Bucky shook his head. “My nightmares were usually memories. They subsided a bit after I first met Darcy, but then they changed to...other things. Me hurting her. Now…” Bucky trailed off as he swallowed hard and his voice broke. “Now it’s just...” his voice trailed off and he shook his head. He didn’t know how to force the words out. Hell, he didn’t know how to even think about it.

“That’s the soul bond.”

“No.”

“It is.”

“It can’t be. Darcy can’t be stuck with...with…”

“Fine,” Shuri shrugged. “Don’t believe me. Call it love then. You’re heartbroken.”

“Yes,” he whispered. Heartbroken. The word didn’t do it justice.

“Even if you want to believe that Darcy is not your soulmate - your soul is still crying out for it’s other half. Your symptoms won’t recede until you resolve this. One way or another.”

Bucky thought about that. “Is she in pain, too?”

“I would imagine she is.”

Bucky closed his eyes and hung his head. He could live with the pain. He lived with pain every day. But he couldn’t live with causing Darcy pain. Heaven knew he’d already caused her enough of it.

“Is it...could we…” Bucky trailed off, unsure how to ask the question.

“Yes?”

“I don’t want to go back into cryo until I can work things out with Darcy.”

Shuri smiled. “Of course. I’ll be here. Besides,” she gave him a conspiratorial wink. “I like playing with the systems here. It’s like being in a museum.”

There was a sharp knock on the wall, causing them both to look up. 

“I’m sorry to interrupt-”

“Do none of you respect patient privacy?” Shuri yelled at Sam.

“I’m sorry, but there’s a situation,” Sam replied in that infuriatingly calm voice of his.

“What could possibly -”

“Darcy,” Bucky said, his stomach dropping.

“There’s been an accident.”


	23. Chapter 23

“Barnes. Barnes! BARNES!” Sam yelled, chasing him down the hall.

Bucky kept rushing towards the garage. “I’m going to get her, Sam. You’re not gonna talk me out of it.”

Sam finally caught up to him as they rounded the corner. “Hey man. I know. But you’re in no condition to drive.” He snatched the keys out of Bucky’s hand. “Might be gone a few days. Do you want to pack a bag?”

He shook his head. “I just need to get to her.”

“What about for Darcy?”

That made Bucky pause. He didn’t know why she’d been on her way to Canada or how long she’d intended to stay. Anything she’d had in the car would likely be a loss, or at least inaccessible for a while. 

“I’ll call Clint,” Sam said. “See if he or Kate can get into Darcy’s apartment and put a few things together.”

“Lavender mint tea,” Bucky bit out. “Blue tin on the counter. It’s her favorite.”

“Good, that’s good. I’ll make sure they grab it. Why don’t you put together a bag for yourself while they do that and we’ll get out of here?”

“Sam…”

“I know, man. I know.”

***

Sam’s phone beeped for the third time in as many minutes. Bucky watched him try to casually check his watch for the message and winced at how unnatural it looked. Sam had never been cut out to be a spy.

“What’s _he_ want?” Bucky finally said, breaking the tense silence of the car.

Sam’s checked the side mirror as he changed lanes. “Steve’s got a lot of theories. I don’t agree with most of them.”

Bucky grunted, not particularly interested in Sam or Steve’s interpretation of events at the moment. He just needed to get to Darcy.

“No update on your girl yet though.”

Bucky closed his eyes for a moment then sighed. “Run me through it again?”

“You know what happened.”

“No, I don’t, and that’s the problem.”

“Bull. You know as much as we know. No need to run it again. You’re just torturing yourself.”

Bucky rubbed his eyes. “It’s gotta be HYDRA, right? We missed something, they’re resurfacing, and they’ve somehow found out about Darcy and who she is to me.”

“Don’t do this, man.”

“It could be AIM. They’ve gone after the girls’ research before. It could even be Hammer Industries, I guess.”

“I’m not indulging this.”

Bucky continued as though Sam hadn’t spoken. “HYDRA still makes the most sense. AIM and Hammer don’t have any real reason to go after Darcy alone. Unless AIM is trying to recruit her.” His phone buzzed. 

_Mercy. Room 320._

Bless Natasha Romanoff. He never thought he’d see the day he’d be grateful for her meddling.

He pulled up the GPS and entered in the hospital information. Sam gave him a wary look, but followed the new directions without comment.

An hour later, they arrived at the hospital. Bucky didn’t wait for the car to stop before he threw himself out of the car and ran for the door, Sam’s cursing rapidly fading away. He blew past registration and the nurses’ station and ran up the nearest staircase to the third floor. He paused on the landing to get himself under control, then opened the door and entered the hall. A few yards to his left was Room 320. 

Darcy’s room.

He stopped just outside and steeled himself for whatever he might see in there. No matter what, it’s his Darcy in that bed. She needed him.

Right?

He peeked in the door and breathed a small sigh of relief. Darcy was asleep on the bed, looking a little worse for wear, but mostly whole. Her hands and wrists were bandaged and there was a thick gauze pad taped to her forehead, but nothing else was immediately visible. Her cracked glasses were on the table next to her.

He clapped a hand over his mouth and sank into the chair next to her bed as a sob shook him, only wiping the tears from his eyes when they blurred his sight of her. This could have been so much worse. This could have been infinitely worse. He reached for her hand, but stilled at the sight of the bandages covering her arms. He had no idea what happened, what was wrong, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her.

All of the technology at their fingertips, the crazy mad science experiment that had become their lives, and the only thing he wanted was a way to turn back time and spare her all of this. The accident, the lab misunderstanding...hell, if it kept her safe and sane, he’d turn back the clock so that she never met him. Anything to spare her...this.

“Chemical burns from the airbag,” Sam said quietly, flipping through Darcy’s chart and startling him. “She’s got a lot of cuts and bruises, the worst being that laceration on her forehead. She’ll probably have whiplash, but they ruled out a concussion. She was lucky.”

“Do they know what happened?”

“Truck ran the light, plowed right into her passenger side. The momentum spun her car into a tree. Nothing she could do.”

“And the other driver? Who was it?”

“Kid. High as a kite at 1 in the afternoon.”

“So…” Bucky’s voice trailed off as Darcy groaned softly and shifted in her sleep. 

“It was an accident. Happens every day. She was lucky.”

“Lucky,” Bucky repeated. 

He supposed Sam was right. Given the madness of their lives, she _was_ lucky. This could have been some nefarious plot to kidnap or kill her, some bad guy’s idea to get to the Avengers. HYDRA’s attempt to get to him.

She was lucky that she was driving and that there wasn’t anyone in her passenger seat. She was lucky that she wasn’t pushed into oncoming traffic or off a bridge.

The banality of it all struck him. It didn’t have to be some nefarious plot or preternatural occurrence. He could lose her to an everyday car accident, just like anyone could lose someone they cared about.

All the more reason to not waste any more time.

“You can’t be in here!”

Bucky didn’t bother looking at the nurse. “I’m her soulmate.”

“Bullshit. Her Words are still dark. You have to leave. Now.”

“It’s complicated,” he whispered.

“Sir, my name is-” 

The nurse cut Sam off. “I don’t care who you are. You can’t be here. If you don’t leave right now, I’m calling security.”

“Burrcckkeeeggghhh,” Darcy groaned.

Bucky jumped out of his seat and leaned close to whisper to her. “Darcy. I’m here, sweetheart. I’m right here.” He kissed her head, steering clear of the bandages, hoping he wasn’t causing her additional pain. “I’m here, I’m not leaving.” He hummed soft endearments as he pressed more kisses into her hair. As hesitant as he was a moment ago, now he felt completely helpless to let her go.

Darcy blinked slowly at him then squinted towards the door. “Sam?” she croaked.

“Darcy,” Sam greeted as the nurse hurried to Darcy’s side to check her over. 

“Do you know these people, Miss Lewis?” the nurse asked.

“They can stay,” she replied weakly. She squinted at the nurse. “My glasses?”

Bucky grabbed them from the table and offered them to Darcy. “They’re a little cracked. Do you want me to put them on?”

Darcy pursed her lips, which he took as a yes. He gently guided the frames onto her face.

“There you are, sweetheart,” he murmured.

She glanced at him warily, then looked back at Sam as the nurse continued fussing with Darcy’s monitor. “What are you two doing here?”

“We got the report of the accident. Couldn’t stop this guy from rushing out the door to get to you,” Sam said.

“The doctor will be in to see you in a bit. Press the call button if you need anything,” the nurse said to Darcy, leveling one last glare at Bucky before leaving.

Sam looked between Bucky and Darcy. “I’ll call Jane and Steve, let them know you’re awake.” He followed the nurse out, leaving Bucky and Darcy alone.

The room is silent, save the soft sounds of the monitors monitoring Darcy’s vitals. Bucky stroked her hair, absolutely petrified of breaking the silence or causing her more pain.

Darcy didn’t try to stop him from stroking her hair, but she didn’t lean into his touch the way she used to. She didn’t snuggle closer or reach for him. Something in him shattered and suddenly, he couldn’t stop the flood of words falling out of his mouth.

“Darcy,” he began and then stopped. She slowly turned to him, wincing a little as she did, her gaze wary, but clear. 

“I’m so sorry. I know things have been a mess.”

Her mouth pursed a little as she swallowed hard and looked away from him, staring at the window.

“When Wilson told me what happened...before we knew the details....I just…” He took a deep breath as her lip trembled. He was messing this up. God, why wouldn’t the words just come? Why did he have to be such a mess?

“You and me. We’re are stronger than anything this damn world can throw at us. I’m sorry I wasn’t there today. That I wasn’t there when you needed me the most and I will never forgive myself for that. But if you let me, I’ll be here from now on. Always.”

Darcy didn’t respond and Bucky felt his heart rate increase as panic started to take him. A desperate idea came to him and he ran with it before he could talk himself out of it.

“Darcy...I want you to say something to me. Anything.” Darcy’s eyes went wide and she turned to look at him, wincing as the sudden movement hurt her neck.

“I know whatever you say will be my Words. I know it. You just have to say _something_.”

Darcy stared at him. 

“Anything. Anything at all. And it’ll be my Words and we can-”

“SAM!” she yelled.

“No Darcy-”

Sam rushed back into the room. “What’s wrong?”

“He’s crazy,” she accused, gesturing at Bucky.

“What did you do?” Sam asked Bucky.

“Darcy, it’ll be okay. Just say _anything_. It’ll be my Words, but Sam can subdue the Soldier and then we can all just move on!”

“I’m sorry, Sam can what now?” Sam was incredulous. 

“Sam, get him out here,” Darcy pled.

“No Darcy, listen -”

“Sam,” Darcy’s voice was firm. “I just woke up from a pretty scary accident. I’m in pain, I’m still in a bit of shock, and I’m tired as fuck. The last thing I want to do is play ‘guess my trigger’ with the Winter Soldier. Besides, the entire point is mute. The last time I checked, someone else said this idiot’s Words, so I have no idea how this is still a thing.”

“Darcy, no-”

“Bucky, we should go,” Sam warned.

“No, not until-”

Darcy pushed the call button, summoning the nurse. “Sam, you have until the nurse gets here to get out or I’ll have him call security.”

“Darcy! DARCY!” Bucky pled as Sam grabbed him and pulled him out of the room, pushing him down the hall and out of the hospital.

“Are you nuts?” Sam asked once they were outside.

“I can’t lose her, Sam. I can’t.”

“And this was the best idea you had?”

Bucky sank down onto the bench next to the door and put his head in his hands. “I panicked.”

“No shit.”

“Not helping,” Bucky snapped.

Sam sighed. “Jane’s on her way. We should go.”

“I have to fix this,” Bucky protested weakly, his head still in his hands.

“You can’t fix this right now.” 

“I have to try.”

“And you will. Later. But what Darcy needs most right now is for you to not be here.”


	24. Chapter 24

Bucky shifted slightly, trying valiantly to get comfortable in his perch and failing. He’d move, if this wasn’t the best possible spot to observe the patio below without the possibility of being noticed. 

He watched Darcy pace back and forth, muttering to herself. He caught snippets of her voice on the air as she rehearsed her presentation. Her nerves were obvious and all he really wanted in the universe in that moment was to be able to comfort her.

Given their current circumstances, however, his presence would likely cause more grief than it would alleviate.

Hence, his position on the roof.

Even from here, he could just make out the dark circles under her eyes. Her cuts and bruises from the accident had seemingly healed up well, but her hands shook slightly and there was a slight tinge to her skin that suggested she was dehydrated. His chest ached for missing her.

The door to the patio swug open and Jane walked out. “They’re ready for you.”

Darcy jumped at Jane’s voice, having not noticed the door open. “Sheesh. Yeah. Okay.” Darcy rolled her head from side to side and jumped up and down a few times. “Let’s do this.” She turned and entered the building, Jane close behind her. Just as she reached the door, Jane turned back and looked up at him with a glare. 

“Get out of here,” she hissed.

Bucky just stopped himself from jolting backward in surprise. How had Jane even known he was there? Not for the first time, he wondered if Thor’s soulmate had a few preternatural abilities of her own.

Or maybe he was just that predictable when it came to Darcy.

Jane glared at him for another moment before going inside. Bucky started to extricate himself from his perch when his phone buzzed. 

_Seriously. Today is huge for Darcy. Don’t make this harder._

Bucky sighed. He didn’t need Jane to tell him not to fuck things up more than he already had.

_I was out of sight, wasn’t I? I know how hard she’s worked for this. I wouldn’t do anything to mess it up._

He popped an earbud into his left ear, started up Darcy’s “Sometimes You Just Need To Feel The Sad” playlist. He slipped his phone back into his pocket and started to climb down the ladder that would take him back inside so he could make his way out to the street. He had promised Darcy that he would be here when she defended her thesis. Even if she didn’t know he was here, that was one small thing he could still do. 

He let the music wash over him as he trudged towards his apartment. One month. It had been one entire month since the fiasco in the lab had driven them apart. Two weeks since the car accident. Bucky felt every agonizing second of Darcy’s absence dragging like knives across his skin. Both Jane and Bob were sympathetic to his plight, but were also absolutely loyal to Darcy - until she said it was okay, they weren’t going to help him get in touch with her. From what little he could gather from Jane, Darcy refused to even talk about what happened.

His stubborn girl. Love and exasperation battled for dominance in his heart, neither emotion ultimately winning out.

He reached his apartment building and quickly let himself inside, slipping into the elevator and finding it blissfully empty. He hadn’t seen or spoken to Steve in the last month either, and for the moment he was happy to keep it that way. He leaned against the back wall of the elevator and closed his eyes, concentrating on the music playing softly in his ear.

_Am I all that you never wanted? Or has it been so long that you’ve forgotten?_

The heartache in his chest intensified exponentially. Darcy really did have a talent for communicating via playlist.

He was the universe’s greatest fool.

Just before the elevator doors closed, a hand swung through and caused them to reopen.

Natasha. Dammit. He should have known - he had no luck whatsoever.

“Bucky,” she said evenly, stepping into the elevator.

“Natasha,” he replied, politely pulling the earbud out and letting it dangle over his jacket.

She turned around to face the doors. “How’s Darcy?”

“I wouldn’t know.”

“Liar.”

“Tired, nervous, dehydrated. If you want to know more, you’ll have to ask someone she’s willing to see.”

Natasha blinked, the only outward sign that she was softening a little at the pain in his voice. Silence fell over the elevator as they continued their upward climb.

“How long are you going to freeze him out?” she asked quietly.

“As long as I want to.”

“He knows he screwed up.”

“He should. Even he couldn’t miss a fuck up this big.”

Natasha jabbed the stop button and turned to him, arms crossed. “You want to wallow for the rest of your life, fine. But Steve Rogers has done more for you than you deserve and I’ll be damned if I have to watch you drag him over the coals like this for much longer.”

“This wasn’t just some _mistake_.”

“No. But I also don’t see you _doing_ anything about it beyond sulking around here.”

“I _did_ do something and she threw me out.”

Natasha shook her head. “You ambushed her in her hospital room. Did it ever occur to you that maybe that wasn’t the time or the place for that conversation? Did you ever stop to actually think about her reaction? Or that despite her belief someone else said your Words, she _still_ hasn’t spoken to you?”

Bucky took a step back in surprise. That hadn’t occurred to him. That hadn’t occurred to him at all.

_Dammit._

Natasha’s voice was carefully neutral. “Never thought I’d see you so twisted up over some girl.”

Bucky rounded on her. “Darcy is not just _some girl_!” 

Natasha’s lips twitched into a smirk as she allowed the elevator to resume its ascent. “Then what the hell are you going to do about it?”

***

“Congratulations, Doctor Lewis.”

Darcy barely managed to shake the man’s hand as she wandered out of the hall in shock.

She’d done it. She successfully defended and earned her doctorate. She was done.

Doctor Darcy Lewis.

_Gods_ , did that feel good. She was practically floating, so much weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She hadn’t even realized she’d been carrying it.

Jane greeted her with a wide smile and barely contained the excitement in her stride as she wrapped Darcy up in a huge hug. Then she hooked an arm through Darcy’s and led her outside.

“Congratulations, Darce. This feeling? Right now? You have earned every bit of it. I am so proud of you.”

“Thanks Janey.” Darcy felt a few tears of happiness and relief well up in her eyes and for once, she didn’t try to contain them.

She was so over bottling up her feelings. That shit was exhausting.

“Science gremlin!”

Darcy groaned and turned around. “Stark.”

“Finally earned that degree, huh? Congratulations. I was listening in the gallery - you do nice work.” Tony approached with a nod.

“Thank you,” she replied warily as Ian Boothby handed her a small bouquet of white and orange roses.

“Congratulations, Darce.” Ian leaned in and gave Darcy a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek. It felt a little strange. Their breakup four years ago had been mutual and they’d remained relatively friendly, but hadn’t been in regular contact until he started working for SI. Still, it felt oddly appropriate that he was here. Jane was here, they had dinner plans with Erik later - all the people who had been instrumental in Darcy’s journey to this moment were accounted for.

Well. All except one. If Bucky were here, this moment would be perfect. She tucked that thought gently away, determined not to let her heartbreak ruin her day.

Tony Stark grinned at her - never a good sign. “Advanced degrees equal raises and bonuses you know.”

“You giving me a raise?”

“You earned a raise.”

“Well you won’t see me turning that down.”

His grin grew even wider, making Darcy even more suspicious.

“What?” she asked warily.

“Party tomorrow night. We need to celebrate.”

“No, that’s not-“

“No excuses! You didn’t let me throw a party when you got out of the hospital, you didn’t let me throw a party when your bruises healed up and you could wear pants again. I’m not taking no for an answer this time.” Tony said, turning and walking away. 

Darcy threw a desperate glance at Ian, who shrugged at Darcy helplessly, then followed Tony away.

“Congratulations again, Darcy!” he waved as he chased after Stark, almost tripping over himself in the process.

“Brief appearance. Then we go home,” Jane said, wrapping an arm around her and leading her towards the walkway. “He _is_ the source of our funding, after all.”

“ _Your_ funding.”

“Lies. Our funding.”

Darcy laughed. “What is this, manhandle the grad student day?”

“Nope. This is manhandle Doctor Darcy Lewis day.”

Darcy stopped in her tracks, tugging Jane to a stop. “I’m done.”

“Yep.”

“I have my degree.”

“Yep.”

“HOLY SHIT-BALLS JANEY I’M A MOTHER FUCKING SCIENTIST!” Darcy punctuated each word of this exclamation by jumping up and down, thrusting the roses from Ian into the air, scattering the petals all around her.

Jane doubled over with laughter. “You’ve been a mother fucking scientist, Darce. Now you’re a mother fucking scientist with extra initials after her name and a much larger paycheck.”

“YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I AM!” Darcy broke into a wild celebratory dance. “WOOOOOOOOOO!”

Jane laughed again and briefly joined in on the dance. “Now. Serious question.”

Darcy paused in the middle of her shuffle turn and looked to Jane. “Yes?”

“What dress are you going to wear?”

***

Bucky watched from his perch again as Darcy celebrated. She’d done it then. She’d finally earned her degree. He was so proud of her.

_Bless you, Jane, for bringing her out here where I can see her._

Darcy’s smile was radiant as she celebrated. Bucky’s chest ached with longing - he should be down there with her. He wanted to be there, celebrating her achievements, supporting her dreams. Staying away was hell, the worst kind of torture because he knew it didn’t have to be this way. Maybe it wouldn’t be this way if he hadn’t been such a damn fool. The first words out of his mouth in the hospital should have been to explain what happened in the lab. 

But this was her day. He would do as she wanted and stay away. No matter how much it hurt.

He tensed as Ian Boothby leaned in to congratulate her. He knew the two had a history, but until Darcy could speak to him - until Darcy _would_ speak to him - he didn’t know the details. They didn’t appear to be overly friendly, but he didn’t know Ian. He wasn’t entirely sure what he would do if Darcy decided to move on with things still unfinished between them. If Ian could make her happy...he supposed the only option would be to wish them well. But he really didn’t want to think about it - no need to invite trouble when he already had plenty to deal with.

He squinted to make out the flowers in the bouquet. White and orange roses. New beginnings and passion.

_Not roses, dummy. Darcy hates roses. Get her a fern, name it Elizabeth, and put it next to Jimmi the Cactus so he has a friend while Darcy and Jane are up all night sciencing._

The knot in his stomach loosened slightly as Boothby and Stark walked away. He felt like a creep, watching from afar as Darcy and Jane celebrated and laughed. Ian didn’t have to spy on them from the rooftop. Ian was right there.

A few rose petals fell from Darcy’s bouquet as she danced and caught in her hair. The image forced Bucky to close his eyes. She was so perfectly lovely and it was absolutely _killing_ him that he wasn’t there to celebrate with her - to soak in a tiny bit of the light she radiated in her elation. As they finally turned to leave, Jane threw a look over her shoulder in his direction.

Jane mouthed something at him. _Party. Tomorrow._

Stark was throwing Darcy a party. Could he - should he? Jane seemed to think so. Maybe she was right. Maybe Natasha was right.

Women. They were always right. He’d learn that one day.

It was time to go get his girl.


	25. Chapter 25

_Darcy entered the ballroom, gliding so effortlessly she could have been floating. Her lips were painted a deadly, poison red that matched her dress and her dark hair fell in glossy waves down her back. His breath caught in his chest - she was absolutely stunning. She was sharp and dangerous and perfect, cold precision._

_She slid past the window where he stood watching, not sparing a glance in his direction as she made her way to Steve and Clint at the bar and Ian stepped up next to her to offer her his arm. A sudden chill went through him, trapped outside as he was, away from the warm embrace of the party and friendship inside. Snow fell all around him and he was starting to shiver in the wind, his only protection from the cold being the hoodie Darcy had once claimed as her own. It was a bone-chilling cold, the frosted air cutting through him and reminding him of much darker days past._

_Darcy laughed at something Steve said, Ian’s hand at the small of her back, keeping her close. Bucky reached out to touch the glass separating him from the party. Steam fogged the glass around his handprint and he jerked it back, not wanting to leave any trace of his presence. He knew he didn’t belong here. He just wanted to see her one more time._

_“You don’t belong here,” Jane said, suddenly appearing beside him, giving voice to his doubts._

_“I know,” he replied quietly._

_“You’ll ruin her. All of her potential wasted.”_

_He didn’t reply to that, just kept staring in the window as Darcy finally turned away from her companions. The radiant smile slipped of her face as she muttered something to Clint and made for the door._

_Bucky backed away from the window, hiding from the glare he received from Clint. He pressed his back against the wall, looking for Jane, but not seeing her anywhere._

_“What do you think you’re doing?”_

_He turned toward the voice. “Darcy!”_

_“You don’t belong here.” He’d never heard her sound so cold before. She was driving icicles into his heart with every word._

_“I know,” he pled, “I just-”_

_“You’re ruining everything. All of my plans, my dreams.”_

_Her words cut through him more than the icy wind ever could. “I just wanted to see you one more time.”_

_Darcy eyed him, glancing over his disheveled form. “Why?”_

_“We…” he swallowed hard and tried again, cursing his inability to articulate what he was feeling. His lips were numb from the cold and he was having trouble speaking. Best to keep it simple. “I love you.”_

_Darcy laughed at him. “Get in line,” she replied cruelly, motioning to the crowd inside. “Did you think you were different? That you were special?”_

_“No, I-”_

_“Did you think that I could ever love a monster like you?”_

_He froze. “You don’t mean that,” he whispered._

_“Oh, but I do,” Darcy purred, approaching him like a predator stalking its prey. “You were a curiosity, a novelty. But I grew tired of the game.” She was at his side now, inches away, radiating heat. Despite her harsh words, Bucky ached to soak up her warmth._

_“But that’s all you do, Bucky. You take. What could you have ever given me?”_

_“Anything. Everything.”_

_“And it would never be enough.”_

Bucky’s eyes flew open. He was twisted in soaked sheets and he scrambled to untangle himself before he suffocated. In his haste, he overbalanced and tipped out of his bed, falling onto his metal arm, wrenching the muscles in his back. He cried out as his scars exploded with pain and he slammed his other fist into the floor. 

He heard a creak above - Darcy was finally home. It took everything he had to not cry out again as he struggled to get up. It wouldn’t do to disturb her evening with his nightmares. This was the sixth night in a row that he’d woken up like this and the lack of sleep was wearing on him. 

Something had to give. He couldn’t go on like this much longer. Somehow, some way, he had to figure out how to talk to Darcy and fix what had been broken. Despite his resolve from earlier, he had no idea how to do that.

He dragged himself to the kitchen. Maybe something warm would help him get back to sleep.

***

Darcy’s eyes flew open at the soft echo of Bucky’s shout. She’d been woken out of her light sleep to hear a crash, then another cry, and a thud before all was quiet again. She had her shoes on and was halfway out the door before she remembered - he wasn’t hers to take care of. Was he? That day in the hospital he’d seemed to think so. But the doubt remained.

She stood frozen in her hallway, unsure of what to do. She could turn, take off her shoes, go back to bed. She’d never get back to sleep at this point, but she could at least pretend. She could go to the kitchen, start the coffee, and get a head start on the day. At 3AM. 

Lucky let out a whine at the commotion. He’d been staying with her while Clint was out of town and had pretty much taken over the living room. One would think he’d be used to chaos, living with Clint. Maybe he expected better from Darcy.

Another crash from downstairs settled it. Darcy grabbed Bucky’s hoodie and shrugged into it, momentarily relishing the feeling of being enveloped in one of his glorious hugs that the soft material inspired. It still smelled like him, despite how often she had wrapped herself up in it, stealing whatever comfort she could from the cozy cotton. She snagged the tin of her favorite nighttime tea off the counter and Lucky’s leash off the hook by the door and left her apartment. Lucky happily trotted down the stairs ahead of her, happy to be out of the confines of Darcy’s apartment. Clint and Kate both let him run all over the building when they were home, but Darcy was a bit more cautious and she got the feeling Lucky resented her a little bit for it. Too bad, pup - Darcy had volunteered in enough animal shelters to know what could happen to good doggies without a leash.

Her feet carried her along the familiar path to Bucky’s door. Once outside, butterflies exploded in her stomach. This wasn’t new - but these little bugs had _teeth_ and she felt like she was going to be sick. She leaned a little closer to the door to listen for any movement inside. There was no use in rousing Bucky if he’d finally made it back to bed.

She could hear someone moving around inside and the soft sounds of...was that her “Dreamland” playlist? She’d forgotten that Bucky still had her iPod - it felt like she’d first given it to him a lifetime ago. She shook off the errant thought, pulled the hoodie a little closer for comfort, took a deep breath to gather her courage, and knocked on the door.

What the hell was she doing here?

She heard something heavy slam into the counter and heavy footsteps move towards the door. 

Lucky growled as Bucky threw open the door. “It’s piss-o’clock in the morning, what the fuck do you want?!” he snarled.

Darcy’s eyes went wide and she tried her best to suppress her gasp.

Bucky’s face immediately drained of color. “Darcy-” he breathed.

She shoved the tea tin into his hands and bolted, running for the stairs as fast as her legs could carry her, Lucky bounding behind her. 

“Darcy, please wait! Please!”

Darcy froze at the desperation in his voice. She glanced at the door to the stairwell. Four steps. Four steps and she’d be in the stairwell and putting more distance between them.

She didn’t want more distance between them.

She really should though. Bucky wasn’t hers. Right?

“Darcy,” Bucky whispered as he approached. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Please. I...I haven’t been sleeping and I wasn’t expecting anyone to come knocking and…” his voice trailed off as she slowly turned around.

“There’s no excuse for yelling at you like that. I’m sorry. I’ll try and do better in the future.”

Lucky put himself between Darcy and Bucky, any loyalty the dog having once felt for Bucky replaced with wariness after the shouting. Darcy reached down to scratch behind Lucky’s ears.

“It’s okay, Lucky. Bucky didn’t mean it.” Lucky sat back but didn’t move from between them.

“Can we go inside please? I’d really like to talk to you.”

Darcy glared at him, half-heartedly.

Bucky’s breath hitched. “We’ve managed well enough so far, haven’t we?” he asked, his voice breaking. 

Darcy sighed and rubbed her eyes. It was 3 in the damn morning. The last time she’d seen Bucky, he’d been trying to get her to set off one of his damn triggers. She hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in a month and had only dozed in tiny increments for the last week. From the looks of things, Bucky was in much the same condition. Neither of them was in any condition to think clearly. This really wasn’t the time or circumstances to do this. 

Then again, things weren’t ever going to change until they worked this out.

Bucky held up the tea tin Darcy had practically thrown at him. “I’ll make tea?”

Darcy huffed a bitter, tired laugh, then started back towards Bucky’s door, snatching the tea tin from his hands as she passed.

“Thank you,” he murmured.

She paused mid-step and looked up at him, really taking him in for the first time in far too long. His eyes were tired, the dark circles under them a brilliant purple. He looked like he’d been punched in the face, honestly. His shoulders were slumped, and his overall demeanor suggested he’d been recently walloped over the head. 

She imagined she looked much the same. What a pair they made. She hated his soulmate for allowing him to come to this.

Where the hell was she, anyway? Darcy hadn’t been able to stay away before things went to hell - she couldn’t understand how anyone could. Bucky was everything she’d ever wanted. Doctor Lorraine must be both blind and stupid if she didn’t see just how amazing he was. Not perfect, not by a mile. But amazing all the same. Her chest ached anew for missing him.

She reached for his hand and gave it a gentle tug, then raised herself up on tiptoes to press a kiss to his cheek. A friendly peck, she told herself. Nothing more. 

Bucky’s eyes closed at the contact and he let out a sigh of relief. “Darcy,” he breathed, opening his eyes and staring at her like she was his favorite sight in the universe.

Damn him. If he was going to keep looking at her like that, she would never be able to let him go.

She stepped back and led the way to his apartment. As he locked up, she made her way into the kitchen and began the process of making tea. They were quiet as the kettle came to a boil and then as the tea steeped. Darcy normally enjoyed the ritual of it all, but tonight she wished she’d brought something that didn’t take 10 minutes to brew. She fidgeted with the tea tin while she waited, avoiding Bucky’s eyes as he sadly observed her.

When they both finally had two steaming mugs in front of them and the scent of lavender and mint filled the kitchen as they sat on opposite sides of his kitchen island, Bucky broke the silence. 

“I’m sorry.”

Darcy poked at her mug, unable to look him in the eye. She hoped he’d continue because she didn’t have a clue what the apology was for. She didn’t want him to continue because as soon as he finished his apology, they likely would part ways for good.

“I never should have...done what I did...like that in the hospital. It wasn’t fair and there’s no excusing it, I just...I panicked.” He shook his head. “All I could think was that you’d been in this terrible accident and that things could have turned out so much worse and if they had. Oh god, Darcy if something had happened to you…” His hands were shaking as he took a sip of his tea. It was a strange look on the former sniper and Darcy wasn’t entirely sure what to do with it. 

Her heart screamed at her to kiss shaking hands and wrap him up in a hug. 

“I should have told you right away. That day in the lab. That doctor…” Bucky voice trailed off. “Darcy, will you please look at me?” he whispered.

She took a deep, steadying breath, bit her lip to try to keep it from trembling, and finally met his eyes. 

“She didn’t say my Words.”

Darcy’s eyes bulged and she blinked rapidly in confusion as she momentarily forgot how to breathe. He gave her a small, sad smile. “You haven’t read my file yet, have you?” Her brow furrowed a little as she looked away. “Ah. You didn’t think you had the right to read it anymore, did you?” 

Damn him for always understanding her so well. She kind of hated him for it at the moment.

“Darcy,” Bucky said, tentatively reaching for her hand. As the heat from his hand seeped into her skin, she realized she hadn’t known how cold she’d been. “She used my knockout trigger - something they planted in my head in case I ever turned on them. All she did was put me to sleep for a few hours.”

Darcy sat frozen in shock, staring at the way his hand wrapped around hers. She couldn’t have misunderstood so badly, could she? Steve had said...but Jane thought that Steve had overreacted and…

She clapped a hand over her mouth as tears pricked her eyes. She was an idiot. She’d had all of the information sitting on her desk this entire time and she’d been too stubborn to read it. She had tried to run away to another country rather than deal with it. Her stomach turned the more she thought about it. Jane had been right. Oh holy hamsters, Bucky would be right never to forgive her for this. How could she even begin to apologize?

“Steve fucked up,” Bucky said. “And Jane and Bob are utterly loyal to _you_ so they weren’t about to help me talk to you when you clearly didn’t want anything to do with me. I’ve been spending my days racking my brain trying to figure out how to fix this. I didn’t want to stalk you or force you to see me if you didn’t...Then I heard you’d left and then...” His voice grew quiet as he stroked her hand. “And then I wasn’t sure you even wanted to fix things.”

Darcy leaned forward just a little, her jaw dropping. _Of course_ she wanted to fix it. Holy...what in the...AGGHHH. She gaped at him like a goldfish. Darcy couldn’t even think straight her emotions were so jumbled. Her breath hitched as she momentarily hyperventilated, but she forced herself to take a slow, deep breath and get herself under control. She squeezed Bucky’s hand and then glanced around almost growling in frustration that she couldn’t just _talk to him_.

Inspiration struck. “Lucky!” she called and was greeted with a joyful bark as the dog bounded into the room from wherever he’d been curled up.

Darcy scratched behind the dog’s ears and gave him a few thorough pets. “Lucky, I’m an idiot. I had the answer sitting on my desk the entire time, but I was too caught up in my own misery to go looking. How to I even begin to apologize?” She stroked Lucky’s fur and was rewarded with a big doggie smile. It failed to make her feel any better.

“Darcy, no. You don’t have to apologize. I know. It’s okay. Circumstances being what they are...up until that day in the lab, I thought we were doing okay. You would have said something if you could. _I’m_ the idiot for the stunt I pulled in the hospital.”

“Lucky, I think Bucky has more faith in me than is warranted.”

“That's not possible,” Bucky argued. “And I shouldn’t have stayed away. You spent how long chasing me down when I was afraid. I should have fought for you. The way you fought for me. Done everything I could to make sure you knew...Should have showed you...how much...” Bucky’s voice trailed off. He shook his head and tried again. “Darcy, I...” His voice crackled and finally failed him as his breath stuttered.

Darcy continued to stroke Lucky’s fur, trying to give Bucky a little space to calm himself down. “Lucky, how do I tell Bucky...” Tell Bucky what? Her head was still spinning. There were plenty of things she wanted to tell him, most of which she didn’t really want to direct to the dog. 

“You can tell me anything, Darcy,” he whispered. “Anything. Absolutely anything at all.”

That desperate note his voice could take was going to be her undoing. He didn’t really think she _wanted_ to give him up...did he?

_Focus, Lewis. What do you need Bucky to know most right now?_

“Lucky, how do I tell Bucky that what I want most is for him to be able to choose what he wants for himself?”

Bucky was around the island in an instant, sending Lucky scrambling away, the dog’s nails sliding over the tile.

“I choose you,” he said firmly, cupping Darcy’s face in his hands. “Everytime. I choose you.” He pressed his fingers to his lips, then held them out to her. Darcy let out a half laugh, half happy sob as she pressed a kiss to his fingers in return. Bucky wrapped her up in a hug, pulling her off her stool.

“I don’t need to hear it to know,” Bucky whispered.

Gods, she’d missed him. She’d missed everything about him. She’d missed the feel of his embrace, the scent of his laundry detergent, the sound of his heartbeat. But what’d she’d missed the most was how well he understood her, without her having to say a word.

***

Bucky rocked them gently back and forth as he reveled in being allowed near Darcy again. The pressure in his chest released and he could breathe for the first time in weeks. He peppered her hair with kisses and made a silent vow to never, ever leave her side again if he could help it. When he came out of cryo, when Shuri fixed him, he was going to spend the rest of his life making sure Darcy had everything she ever needed. 

He hadn’t been exaggerating - he didn’t need to hear his Words know. Darcy was his soulmate. And he was never, ever letting her go ever again.


	26. Chapter 26

Bucky breathed her in and held her a little closer. They were curled up on his couch, neither willing to let the other go anytime soon. He glanced at the clock and sighed. They’d spent the entire day cocooned in his apartment, but reality was finally seeping in.

“Darcy,” he murmured, kissing her temple. “You’re going to miss your party.” He laughed as she snuggled closer. “Yeah, I’m not all that eager to share you either,” he whispered against her skin, “but you should still go. Everyone in that room loves you, they want to celebrate you and your achievement. You should be there.”

She leaned back so she could look at him, a question in her eyes.

He ran his thumb over her lower lip. “Everyone in this room loves you, too. But I wasn’t invited to your party.”

Her lips twitched into a small, wry smile.

“Yes, when the party is for you, you should be able to invite anyone you want, but-” She raised one eyebrow and he sighed. “Do I have to wear a suit?” he cringed, thinking of the navy blue monstrosity Natasha picked out that had been living in the back of his closet.

Her smile slowly turned dangerous and just a tiny bit hungry and he sighed again. There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do for any smile from Darcy. She really would be the death of him.

He nudged her nose with his. “Give me a few minutes.”

***

He emerged from the bedroom as Darcy was re-entering his apartment and securely locking the door behind her. She’d run back to her apartment to feed Lucky and get changed for her party. He smiled at how she’d picked up on his need to always have to door locked, a little amazed she had noticed. He hated the reasons he even had that compulsion, but that she had noticed and seamlessly adopted it inspired yet another burst of affection for her. Not for the first time, he wondered if he would ever stop being awed by Darcy. He hoped not. 

He stopped in the shadow of the hall, watching her as she dug through her clutch, the way he had once watched her from the shadows as she collected her mail. He smiled at the memory. He’d admired her then, the idea of her occupying his thoughts as a wild fantasy of things he thought he could never have. The reality was so much better than he could have ever imagined and he had no idea how he had ever gotten so lucky.

She looked eminently huggable, her soft, blue sweater dress mostly hidden by his hoodie that she was still wrapped up in, with her long curls pinned away from her face. He shook off the fleeting memory of his nightmare from the night before. While grateful to the terrifying images for bringing him and Darcy back together, he never wanted to think about it again. The Darcy in front of him - the _real_ Darcy - would never leave him out in the cold.

His eyes lingered on the hoodie. The first time he’d ever seen her wear it, he’d wondered if it was a sign from the universe that he and Darcy were meant for each other. He had no idea if it was or not, but the fact that she drew comfort by wrapping herself in something of his meant more to him than he could ever hope to express. 

_She’s not some daydream anymore - what the hell are you doing all the way over here watching her? Go get her._

She kicked off the fuzzy llama slippers she’d worn from her apartment and slipped into her heels as he nervously approached. She glanced up at his movement and froze.

He cleared his throat and tugged on his left sleeve, attempting to cover as much of the metal hand as possible. “Not good?” he asked.

Her expression was unreadable as she strode over to him and tugged on his tie to bring his face level with hers. She leaned forward and pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

_Oh. Good then._ He made a mental note that Darcy liked the suit and resolved to find more occasions to wear it. Even if he hated it. It was uncomfortable, constricting, and everything was too tight. He looked like an ass and felt like a damn fool. But if Darcy liked it...Well, he’d wear the suit every damn day if it caused her to look at him like that. As though when she looked at him, she saw _him_ , not the arm, not the history, not a 101-year-old man with nothing to offer. She looked at him as though he were somehow in some way worthy of her.

As though she actually _liked_ what she saw.

When she released the pressure of her lips, she didn’t otherwise move, mingling their breath for a long moment. Then she reached up and attempted to wipe away the lipstick print she’d left.

“Leave it. Just shows I’m taken.”

There was a happy hitch of her breath as she broke into an enormous grin and reached for his hand, intertwining her fingers with his. He rested his forehead against hers.

_Tell her._

“I’m all yours, Darcy. For as long as you’ll have me. Beyond that. Always.”

It might not have been exactly what he wanted to say, but Darcy seemed to like it anyway. Her smile grew impossibly larger as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him.

“Time to face your adoring fans, Doctor Lewis.”

She looked up at him, an emotion he again refused to name in her eyes. She stroked his cheek, her fingers running through the stubble that should really be considered a beard at this point. He wondered if she liked it - he generally kept at least a little bit of a beard to hide his face. But maybe, one day, he wouldn’t need to hide anymore. Maybe, if Darcy didn’t like it he should -

His thoughts were silenced as Darcy gently brushed her lips against his. 

_Message received, Darcy. I think too much._

Darcy took one step back with a smile, grabbed his hand, and led them out the door.

***

The party was in full swing by the time they’d reached the Tower. Darcy was almost knocked off her feet by the noise as the elevator doors opened. Bucky placed a steadying hand at the small of her back. 

“I’ve got you,” he murmured. She reached for his other hand and gave it a squeeze in response.

“Darcy!” Kate yelled over the music as they made their way into the party. “Over here!”

Darcy led the way through the throng of people to the couches where Kate, Clint, and Jane were waiting. 

“I didn’t know you guys were back in town!” 

“As if we’d miss your big day,” Clint said as he gave Darcy a hug. “Congrats, Doc.”

“Hey girl,” Kate greeted. “Congratulations!” She glanced at Bucky. “On multiple fronts, clearly. Damn.”

“Thanks guys,” Darcy replied, her face flushing. “This party is nuts.”

“Yeah, Tony went overboard,” Jane said.

“Shocking,” Kate and Clint said in unison. Kate reached up and touched her fist to Clint’s cheek. “Bitch,” she replied as he pretended to be knocked backwards by her, collapsing onto the couch. The rest of the group joined him, settling into the cushions.

“So I’ve already told these guys - guess what, Darce.”

Darcy leaned forward towards Clint so she could hear him. “If you’ve even started another mob war in our building-“

Kate let out a bark of laughter and Clint grinned. 

“Not this week.”

“What’s up?”

“Laura’s pregnant again!” Kate exclaimed.

“What?! Clint that’s awesome! Baby number four, holy shit.”

“Congratulations,” Bucky said quietly.

“Thanks man. If it’s a girl, this one is gettin’ named for Katie-Kate here.”

“And she can absolutely take on that nickname,” Kate grumbled. “I’ll reclaim my rightful name of ‘Kate’ and just spoil her rotten for relieving me of the burden.”

Darcy laughed at their antics. “How’s Laura feeling?”

Clint’s reply was cut off by an ear-splitting crash of thunder. Jane’s eyes went wide as she looked to the ceiling. The party went quiet for a moment as the doors to the balcony were thrown open and Thor strode through, in all his Asgardian finery.

“Darcy!” he bellowed, grinning. Darcy scrambled to her feet and rushed to greet him as the party noise ramped back up again.

“Thor! How’s it hangin’ big guy? How’s space?” she launched herself into his arms for a hug.

He lifted her off her feet and spun her around. “Space is good - all the better for having heard tales of your mighty achievements!” 

Darcy laughed as he set her back on her feet. “Aw, thanks big guy.”

Thor grinned down at her and then glanced around. “Quite the celebration,” he said.

“You know Tony.”

“Ah yes. He-“ Thor stopped speaking suddenly as he locked eyes with Jane, who was looking on uncertainly from the couch. 

Darcy followed his gaze and frowned. Bucky must have caught the change in her expression, because he immediately moved next to Jane, offering his support and an exit, should she want it. Damn, her soulmate was awesome.

“Excuse me, Darcy,” Thor said and started towards Jane. Darcy made to follow, but was quickly waylaid by numerous well-wishers who had lined up to speak with her. She glanced back towards Jane. Bucky nodded at her and Darcy breathed a sigh of relief. Jane was okay for the moment - and as soon as she wasn’t, Darcy trusted Bucky to step in.

Minutes quickly turned into an hour and then two before Darcy finally had a moment to herself to breathe again. She started towards the bar to grab something to soothe her parched throat when Bucky sidled up next her her and held out a glass. 

“You look like you could use a break,” he said.

She took the glass with a grateful grin and relaxed into his side. She took a long sip of her water and sighed happily, snuggling into Bucky’s warmth. He abscently kissed the top of her head as he took in the crowd.

“Most people will probably stay away while I’m around,” he said quietly. “I’ll get lost in a minute. I just wanted to get you some water, make sure you were okay, and...I missed you.”

She pulled herself more securely into his side and laced her fingers with his. 

_Anyone worth seeing will still stop by when you’re here._

“Miss Lewis? Sorry! Doctor! Doctor Lewis!” Darcy turned towards the source of the stuttering voice.

“Bob!”

“Hi,” he replied, nervously glancing at Bucky.

Darcy took a half step forward, silently, subtly putting herself between the two men. Bucky chuckled.

“No need to protect me from this guy, Darce. We go way back.”

Darcy’s brow furrowed and she turned to give Bucky a look.

_Come again?_

“Bucky’s the one who got me out of HYDRA, introduced me to Captain Rogers, got me the job here,” Bob explained.

“Bob was the only decent person in that place. He didn’t belong there,” Bucky said, easily.

Darcy glanced between the two men, finally understanding. “So _that’s_ how you ended up here!”

Bob nodded. “I owe a lot to him.”

“Anyone would have done it,” Bucky argued.

_No, they wouldn’t._

Darcy wrapped her arms around Bucky’s waist and Bob smiled.

“Glad to see you two worked it out,” he said. “Congratulations, Doctor Lewis. See you around.”

Bucky gave Darcy a slight squeeze as Bob walked away, then leaned down. “You doing okay?” he asked.

Darcy gave him a tired grin.

“Want to check on your friends then get out of here?”

Her smile grew as she lightly pinched his side.

“Our friends, our friends, got it. I’ll probably never get used to that, by the way.”

_I’ll just have to keep reminding you then._

They made a quick lap of the party so Darcy could say her goodbyes. Clint and Kate had gathered a crowd as they attempted to one-up each other at darts. Jane and Thor had absconded to a dark corner, Jane giving Darcy a signal that all was well. Steve and Natasha were by the bar, keeping to themselves. Bucky gave Steve a slight nod and Steve looked like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Natasha quietly slipped her arm around him and led him away, giving Darcy a small smile before they left.

Darcy led Bucky away from the party, towards the elevator so they could head for home. She refused to disentangle herself from his arms, planting herself firmly at his side. They walked the streets, his arm around his shoulders and her arm around his waist under his jacket. She gently stroked his side and he would pull her closer in response. When they reached their building, Bucky walked her to her apartment, but froze outside her door. She looked at him curiously.

“Could I...may I come in for a minute? I wanted to talk to you about something.”

She gave his hand a squeeze before unlocking her door and letting them both inside. He locked the door behind them as she slipped out of her heels and headed for the kitchen to start warming the kettle for tea. She pulled down a mug and glanced at him.

“Sure,” he replied, leaning against the counter. She grabbed a second mug. They were quiet as the leaves steeped. Once they both had steaming mugs in front of them, Bucky pulled her close to him.

“Day after tomorrow, I’m supposed to go under again.”

Darcy swallowed hard and stared at her feet. She knew he would have to go back into cryo eventually, the plan having always been for him to go a few days after her presentation. Selfishly, she wished he didn’t have to go so soon. She’d just gotten him back, after all - she wasn’t ready to be without him again. 

He tentatively reached towards her and stroked her hair. “I didn’t want...I wasn’t going to do it, not until we worked this out. I didn’t want to go under with things...the way they were.”

Her head fell to his chest as she forced back the guilty voice in her head that berated her for wasting so much time wallowing in her misplaced misery. His hand at the back of her neck was a small comfort. The way that hand shook as he spoke was not.

“But...if it’s okay...I want to get this over with. Just finish it, so we can _move on_. Darcy,” he pressed his lips to her temple as his voice grew a tiny bit desperate, “I’m ready to start the rest of our lives. But if you want to wait-“

She looked up, the look in her eyes silencing him. With a small smile she pressed a kiss to her fingers and held them out to him. He lightly grasped her wrist, placed a reverent kiss in the same spot, and lingered there, his eyes closed. 

“I just want…” he trailed off and shook his head, unable to articulate the feeling. 

Darcy wrapped her arms around his neck, raised herself up onto her tiptoes, and kissed the soft spot just behind his ear. She felt his breath stutter. 

_One day until you go under, two months for Shuri to work her magic, and then you are all mine, soulmate. For keeps._


	27. Chapter 27

“I should go,” Bucky murmured, his arms still around Darcy, and made no move to leave. She made a face at him. “You need your rest, it’s been a really long day.”

She pulled away from him, pinning him in place with her eyes. One hypnotizing moment later, she disappeared into the other room, where he could hear her quickly moving around, opening and closing drawers, and making a general ruckus. He laughed a little at her antics, not entirely sure what she was doing. A moment later, she ran from her bedroom and into the bathroom, where she made more noise. Then she ran back into her bedroom, where he heard a crash and a soft curse. He was about to go check on her when she finally emerged, clad in soft-looking leggings and his hoodie, rubbing her elbow and a bag slung over one shoulder.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes.

“Just clumsy. Got it. You wanted me to wait?”

She gave him a smile and grabbed his hand. He looked down at their joined hands, confused.

“Okay?” Letting out a soft, frustrated huff, she tugged on his hand and led them to the door. “Coming with me?” he asked, amused.

She gave him a smile and gave an exaggerated heft to the bag on her shoulder.

Oh. Well, that was a nice surprise. A slow smile slid across his face. “Whatever Darcy wants, Darcy gets.” The delighted look on her face instantly made him wary. “I’m going to regret telling you that, aren’t I?”

Darcy’s shoulders shook with silent laughter and Bucky could only stare in wonder. How, exactly, had he gotten lucky enough that this was his life?

***

Bucky blinked slowly awake, feeling more refreshed than he had in a long time. Which was weird, because he was in his living room, stretched out along the lumpy couch filled with memories of Darcy that he’d been avoiding for the last month. The tv was on, quietly showing an early morning infomercial for some gadget or another. He must have fallen asleep watching something.

He tried to move, but was pinned in place by a soft weight at his side. He glanced down, expecting Lucky. That dog had to have a secret passage into his apartment, as often as he ended up here.

_Oh._

Relief washed over him as the previous day came flooding back.

Getting Darcy back. The party. Knowing that they both had chosen the other, no matter what.

He couldn’t stop his grin. She was here. It wasn’t a pretty fantasy or a dream or anything that would evaporate like so much smoke in the harsh light of day. She was here. And she was his.

Just like he was hers.

It felt good, finally belonging somewhere. To someone.

He should really tell her.

But was that fair? He was going back into cryo tomorrow, to undergo an experimental treatment to try to fix his brain. Shuri would be actively changing things in his mind. What if something went wrong? What if it took much longer than the anticipated two months? Could he ask Darcy to wait? For how long? Two years? Twenty? She’d wait the rest of her life if he asked.

And beyond that - what if he came out of cryo...different? Again, they were going to be messing with his brain. His own history was a cautionary tale of just how badly that could go. If he told Darcy how he felt and then came out of cryo a different person, would she stay out of loyalty to the man who had once loved her, even if that man didn’t exist anymore? That wasn’t fair to either of them.

Then again - didn’t he owe it to Darcy to let her know how he felt about her _just in case_ something went wrong? She should know how loved she is, how she lights up his entire miserable existence. 

He didn’t have an answer and he was running out of time. 

Darcy shifted a little, waking up. He felt her stiffen momentarily, then melt against his side when she figured out where she was. He relished the feeling - that she could feel happy and safe in his arms. All he really wanted out of life was for Darcy to always feel happy and safe - the fact that she felt she could be so with him was a gift he’d never in his wildest dreams expected.

“Morning, sweetheart,” he said quietly.

She nuzzled his chest and pressed a kiss to his shoulder, just above the scar that had previously fascinated her all those weeks ago. Her lips lingered on his shirt for a moment before she looked up at him with a sleepy smile.

“I was thinking...if you didn’t have anything to do today, maybe...maybe you’d like to spend it with me?”

Darcy blinked then looked towards the corner of the room where she’d dropped her bag, then back at him.

“Oh. You had plans, then?”

She pursed her lips in annoyance. _You’re funny._

“You’re staying here with me?” he whispered, nudging her nose with his.

She returned the gesture with a sleepy smile. _Nowhere else I’d rather be._

***

Darcy plopped herself down on the couch gracelessly after they’d finished breakfast, practically falling into his lap. She wriggled her way under his arm so she was securely at his side before opening her book and starting to read. He stared at her, amused by her antics, and a little awed at her. It didn’t escape his notice that she’d wrapped herself up in his _left_ arm - the cold, unyielding metal that had wrought so much destruction. The way she behaved, it was almost as though it didn’t phase her. 

She buried her face in his chest and peppered him with a few kisses before burrowing further into his embrace and returning her attention to her book.

Maybe the arm didn’t bother her.

He didn’t want to dwell on it. She was here, and they were happy.

***

She dragged him up to her apartment after they took Lucky for his walk so the pup could enjoy his dinner in peace. After releasing Lucky from his leash, Darcy turned to Bucky and tugged on his hand, before releasing him and disappearing into the other room. A moment later, she returned, his file hugged to her chest.

“You want to read it today?” he asked.

She looked away.

“Just in case there are any more surprises. Yeah. That’s probably a good idea. I’ll...go back downstairs. Let you read in peace.”

Her eyes met his again and she seemed to shrink in front of him as she grabbed his hand and bit her lip.

“Oh...you want me with you when you read it?”

Guilt flashed across her face and he pulled her into a hug. 

“If you need me there, I’ll be there.”

***

They sat on his couch and Darcy opened the folder and began to read. Bucky tried not to fidget, but the sound of each page turning drove his anxiety higher.

What would be her breaking point? The Starks? The fire bombs in Philadelphia? President Kennedy? Maybe it wouldn’t be any one specific incident - maybe it would be the sheer volume and scale of his crimes that would drive her away. Maybe it would be the reminder that he was actually 100 years old.

She read steadily on, turning the pages at regular intervals. Occasionally she would reach back and stoke his knee or squeeze his hand, as though reassuring herself that he was still there. Finally, after a good hour of regular page turning, she paused on one page towards the end of the file. Bucky peeked around her, trying to see what had caused her to stop. 

Oh. It was the very end of the file. The final assessment - HYDRA’s determination that he was no longer useful after Project Insight. His death sentence. 

She stared at that page longer than any of the others. Silent minutes passed with no reaction from Darcy and Bucky’s nerves were just about shot. Finally, she closed the file. 

“So now you know,” he said quietly, breaking the silence of the room. 

Darcy turned to him and crawled into his lap, throwing her arms around his neck and holding him close. His arms immediately closed around her, holding her tight and sighing in relief.

She knew. She knew everything now and she wasn’t leaving. 

***

She made macaroni and cheese for dinner again, the same recipe as the first night she’d ever cooked for them. He’d gorged himself on the gooey pasta, relishing every bite. Everything he’d eaten when they were apart had tasted like sawdust. 

She wandered around his living room while he finished up the dishes running her fingers over the bookcases, probably searching for another book to read. All of the books she had loaned him when they first met were neatly lined up on their own shelf, causing her to smile when she got to it.

There wasn’t much he wouldn’t do to earn that smile.

She paused when she got to the end of the row of bookcases and the old, broken telescope that he’d set up in the corner. He set the last dish in the drying rack, dried his hands on a dish towel, and moved to join her in the living room.

She gave him a puzzled look, her fingers still brushing against the delicate instruments.

“One of the lenses is cracked and the others are all out of alignment. I haven’t figured out how to fix it yet.”

She leaned back a little.

_I am a scientist you know. Of the astrophysics variety._

“Do you know how to fix it?”

_Please._

He smiled as she turned back to the telescope. He grasped her hand to bring her attention back to him.

“Sweetheart, it is pouring down rain. Even if you fixed this thing right now, we’d never be able to get it outside to see anything.” She pouted slightly but seemed to agree. He took her other hand in his, brushing his fingers against hers, marveling a little at how soft they were. 

“Maybe...after...we could fix it up and...take it somewhere? You and me? Like a weekend away? Just us.”

Darcy pulled her hand out of his and reached up to caress his cheek, then pulled him gently to her so she could press her lips to his. 

“That a yes?”

She laughed softly and kissed him again.

***

When they’d finally turned in for the night, Darcy appeared to be fighting sleep. He understood the feeling - he didn’t want to miss one moment of the time they had left before he went into cryo. But he could see she was exhausted.

“Sleep, Darcy. I’ll still be here in the morning.”

She faded quickly after that, clinging to him like he was her favorite teddy bear.

He could get used to this. 

“I want this, Darce. Every day, for the rest of our lives. I want this.”

***

He doesn’t sleep. He would be sleeping for the next two months, so there wasn’t really any point to sleeping right now. Especially not when he’s got Darcy in his arms and this moment is absolutely perfect and he doesn’t want to miss any of it.

He tried to push the creeping feeling of dread that had been steadily growing all day to the back of his mind. His insecurity, his doubt, his fear, all screaming at him that this was too perfect and that something was going to take Darcy away from him again. Or worse - he would wake up from cryo...someone different. He didn’t hate who he was right now and he had worked really hard to get here. He didn’t want to lose himself in the process of finally fixing what HYDRA had done. He had successfully pushed the feeling away all day, but in the silence of the night it all came roaring to the forefront of his mind.

He gently tucked back a lock of Darcy’s hair that had fallen in front of her face. She was smiling, slightly, and he hoped she was dreaming. Something happy and good. She deserved good things. 

He selfishly hoped that she was dreaming of him.


	28. Chapter 28

“ _Wake me up before you go-go_  
_Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo_  
_Wake me up before you go-go_  
_I don't wanna miss it when you hit that high_  
_Wake me up before you go-go_  
_'Cause I'm not planning on going solo_  
_Wake me up before you go-go_  
_Take me dancing tonight!_ "

Darcy reached out with a sleepy hand and started slapping around blindly, bringing a smile to Bucky’s face. He grabbed her still ringing phone off his side table and put it within her reach. She blearily turned off the alarm, then snuggled close to him again, pressing sleepy kisses to every part of him she could reach without moving too much. A bright burst of love and affection burned through him at her antics.

“Darcy, sweetheart,” he murmured. “We should get up.”

Her only response was to burrow further under the covers and continue her ministrations along his chest.

He laughed. He couldn’t remember a time he’d woken up and just felt...good. Happy. And it was all due to Darcy. She deserved the world and more and he would happily spend the rest of his life trying to give it to her.

“Darcy,” he said again, only to once again be ignored in pursuit of burrowing as far into his side as she could manage.

“I’ll make you waffles.”

Darcy froze. She peeked out from under the covers, her eyes wide.

“With chocolate chips.”

Darcy bolted out of bed and bounded out of the room, taking the sheets with her and leaving Bucky behind, laughing.

***

Breakfast was a quiet affair. The happy cocoon they’d established the previous day had shattered as the time to leave for the lab approached and they both tried to hide their fear and worry from the other.

Once they’d eaten and cleaned up the kitchen, they stood in front of his door, neither one of them eager to open it and face the day.

He reached forward to move Darcy’s hair out of her eyes and he could see that she was chewing on her lip and valiantly trying to hide how her hands were shaking.

That wouldn’t do. He knew that what they were planning was dangerous and he wasn't ashamed to admit he was terrified. But he hated seeing his girl like this.

“Darcy,” he breathed. “It’s going to be okay.”

She wrapped her arms around him and held him tight, burying her face in his chest. They stood there, not moving, until there was a knock at the door. Darcy sniffled a little but didn’t move. He stroked her hair, then caressed her cheek, encouraging her to look up at him.

“I promise you,” he said, with a confidence that he wasn’t entirely sure he felt, “everything is going to be okay.” He softly kissed her forehead, then reluctantly stepped away. He didn’t get very far before Darcy grabbed him again and clung to him.

“Hey now,” he breathed, trying to reassure her. “It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” He’d be lying if he said that it didn’t feel really nice to be needed like this. It might be one of the best feelings he’d ever experienced. But Darcy was suffering and he didn’t have it in him to revel in it. If things ultimately weren’t okay, this was one more broken promise on his conscience. He would accept that if he had to - right now, Darcy needed to be able to put her faith somewhere and he badly wanted it to be in him.

He cupped her cheek. “Sweetheart, look at me,” he whispered. Her bright eyes finally met his and he tried to smile. “I swear to you. Everything is going to be okay. This is going to work.” Her lip trembled but her eyes said that she was desperately trying to believe him as she leaned into his touch. “This won’t be the last time we’ll be together.”

He didn’t care what he would have to do, what price he would have to pay. He would come back to her. He would keep this promise. Otherwise, what the hell was the point.

Her breath hitched and she closed her eyes. He kissed her forehead once more and felt her embrace loosen just a little. He stepped back and opened the door to find a contrite-looking Steve Rogers on the other side. 

“Hi,” Steve said quietly.

“Hey,” Bucky replied, a little confused.

“Darcy called,” Steve said. “Mind if I tag along?”

“Yeah. That’d be good.”

“Okay.”

Darcy’s eyes flicked between the two of them, an amused smile pulling at her lips. After a long, tense moment of silence, she rolled her eyes, grabbed Bucky’s hand and pulled them both out the door. 

“Boys,” she muttered in Natasha’s direction as Bucky locked up. Natasha smiled knowingly in response.

“Men of a certain age do tend to be ornery.”

Bucky and Steve groaned causing both Darcy and Natasha to snicker.

“It’s probably not good for us that they get along,” Bucky remarked to Steve.

Steve nodded and smiled affectionately at Natasha, who winked at him. “Best kind of trouble, though.”

“I can’t join you today, but I wanted to say good luck,” Natasha said, turning to Bucky.

“Thanks,” he replied, not looking at her and fidgeting with his keys. He glanced at Darcy and handed over his keys to her with a soft smile.

Natasha’s knowing smile grew as she turned to Steve. “Behave,” she said quietly.

“I always behave,” Steve replied, earning an eye roll and a groan from the other three people standing in the hall. “What!”

“Motorcycle helmets,” Darcy said.

“SHIELD,” Natasha chimed in.

“1943,” Bucky reminded him with a long suffering sigh.

“Hey, we’re going to be late if we don’t get out of here soon,” Steve said, ignoring them all and shoo-ing them towards the elevator.

***

When Steve, Darcy, and Bucky arrived in Shuri’s lab, the Wakandan princess was waiting for them. She led them to an out of the way corner where they had set up the cryo tube.

“Whenever you’re ready,” she says to Bucky. “I’ll give you a few minutes.”

Bucky swallowed hard and nodded. His expression must have given away his apprehension, because Steve immediately launched into Mother Hen mode.

“You sure about this, Buck?” Steve asked. “We can still back out - we could -”

“Yes,” he interrupted. “It’s the best thing for everyone. It’s the safest option.”

“Safest for who?” Steve asked gently. 

“You’re going to get on me about being a science experiment?”

Steve sighed in frustration. “Am I ever going to live that down?”

“No,” Bucky and Darcy said in unison. Bucky grabbed Darcy’s hand and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, then looked back at Steve. “This is my choice, Steve. I don’t want to miss anything else,” he said, sneaking a glance at Darcy, “but this is our best option.”

“Alright,” Steve resigned and held out his hand. “Sweet dreams.”

Bucky pushed the hand away and pulled Steve into a hug. Steve closed his eyes and returned the embrace. From the corner of his eye, Bucky caught Darcy smiling at the two of them. They held onto each other, letting past resentments and guilt go. Finally, he gave Steve another squeeze and a pat on the back, then pulled away. “I’d say don’t do anything stupid until I get back, but that didn’t really work out the last time.” Steve snorted and wiped the tears from his eyes, not bothering to hide them. “Speaking of - don’t let any crazy scientists experiment on you this time, okay?”

“No promises,” Steve replied.

Bucky peered around Steve to look at Darcy. “Will you keep this one in line for me?”

“Hey Steve, think Nat will let me take that responsibility off her hands for a few months?”

“All right, all right, I get it. Ha ha.”

Bucky laughed and he felt his smile taking over his face. It had been a long time since he’d had reason to smile like that. The expression on Darcy’s face told him it was her new mission in life to draw out that look as often as possible from now on. Having the privilege of sharing a laugh with the two people he loved most in the world? He was okay with that. One more item to add to the list of things to look forward to when this was over. It was a very long list.

Steve stepped away as Bucky moved to Darcy to say - well, not goodbye. Just...good night.

Darcy gave him a warm smile, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes and he felt something inside him shatter.

“Come here,” he muttered as he pulled her into a hug. She wrapped herself around him and held him so tightly. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. If something went wrong...if he never woke up, or if he woke up...less alright than he already is - he wanted one thing. Just in case.

He pulled back from her slightly so he could look in her eyes. She wasn’t looking quite at him, and he could see that she was rapidly blinking, probably trying to clear tears from her eyes, to be strong for him.

He cupped her cheek and gently encouraged her to meet his gaze. When she finally did, he touched his forehead to hers and spoke quietly so only she could hear.

“I need you to know. Just in case - “ her eyes went wide and she started to pull away, but he stopped her with one brush of his thumb against her lovely cheek. She stilled and he pulled her close again. “Just in case,” he whispered, drawing his thumb across her lower lip. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me.”

She inhaled sharply and her lip trembled slightly. He could see she was actually biting her lip to stop herself from speaking.

He leaned closer, pausing just a breath away from her lips. “May I?” he whispered. Darcy closed the distance between them and he was _finally_ kissing her properly. Not a peck or a brush of lips, but an actual honest kiss. There was a shift in his chest, like something broken had finally slipped back into place and made him whole for the first time in a long time. Maybe the first time ever. He felt...complete. As if he needed any more evidence that Darcy was his soulmate.

She rose onto her tiptoes and wound her arms around his neck as he caught his hand in her curls and poured his entire soul into the kiss. If he would only get one, he needed it to count. 

And if the memory of this kiss kept Darcy warm for the next two months, gave her something to look forward to until he was back...all the better really. 

She wound her fingers through his hair and he lost all sense of time - the only thing that mattered in the universe was Darcy.

When they finally did separate, she was biting her lip again and she looked like if she couldn’t say something she was going to burst.

“Soon, soulmate,” he murmured in her ear and brushed on last kiss against her skin. Her breath hitched and her eyes slipped closed at the endearment, the first time he’d outwardly acknowledged to her what had been settled in his mind for quite some time. He made a silent promise to do better by her in the future, to always let her know exactly how much she was loved. He rested his forehead against hers, closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then he reluctantly released her. 

He nodded to Shuri as he climbed into the chamber and settled in. Darcy and Steve looked on as Shuri’s team made their final checks and adjustments, and then the door closed. He felt a tiny spring of panic rise in his chest as the temperature in the chamber dropped. He looked out to Darcy. She smiled so warmly that his panic evaporated immediately. A tiny smile escaped him as he closed his eyes and went to sleep, Darcy’s smile following him into his dreams.

***

“Stasis achieved. Vital signs are steady,” Shuri assured them.

Darcy hiccuped softly and whispered a few words under her breath.

Steve looked at her sharply and stared at her, but didn’t say anything. Those words weren’t meant for his ears and he’d long since learned to feign ignorance when people spoke so softly.

“Don’t look at me like that, Rogers,” she snapped as she swiped at her eyes. “I hid from him for a month because of a stupid mistake. Never again. If he wakes up and I’m not his soulmate and this whole thing has just been one big misunderstanding...I don’t care. I want _him_. The universe can go hang.”

***

After an hour of searching the labs and striking out, Steve wandered to the roof. Jackpot. There, adjusting one of her many instruments situated on the roof of the Tower, was Dr. Jane Foster. Just the person he was looking for.

“Doctor Foster?” he said, hoping she wasn’t so engrossed in her project that he would startle her.

She jumped only slightly as she looked up from her work. A small crease formed between her eyebrows. “Captain?” Her confusion was evident in her voice.

“Sorry to bother you - I had a question for you if you have a minute.”

“Uh...sure, one sec.” She quickly scribbled down a few notes into her notebook, then flipped a few switches on her machine before finally turning to face him. “What’s going on?”

“Darcy might have mentioned you had done a bit of research into soulmates.”

“Ah. Bucky went back into cryo today, didn’t he?”

Steve nodded. “A little more than an hour ago.”

“How are you doing?”

Steve blinked. He hadn’t been expecting the doctor to ask after _him_ \- he’d assumed she’d be more concerned about her friend. And if Darcy had mentioned his role in her misunderstanding with Bucky...well, he was just happy that the Doctor wasn’t throwing anything at him. “As good as can be expected, I guess.”

She nodded. “So...what do you want to know?”

He sighed. “Does it count if Bucky was unconscious when Darcy said his Words?”

Whatever question she’d been expecting, he would bet it wasn’t that. She went completely still for a moment before her face registered complete and utter shock.

“Darcy said his Words?” she asked.

“Yep.”

“You’re sure?”

“Absolutely. I’ve known Bucky’s Words since we were kids. And I heard Darcy clear as day.” 

“Wow. I’m not sure - I don’t know if anything like this has ever happened before. Or if it has, no one has ever written about it, that I know of.” He could see the wheels turning inside of Jane’s head. He trusted that she wouldn’t do something destructive like use Bucky’s experience for a scientific paper without his knowledge or consent, but her intense curiosity made him wary anyway.

“I’m not sure what we’ll do if we can’t figure this out. If Shuri’s wrong and it takes two years instead of two months. Or if doesn’t work at all.”

Jane’s eyes cleared as Steve’s statement registered. “Darcy won’t give up on him, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”

“Didn’t think she would...It’s just not fair. To either of them. And when I think about what Bucky’s actual Words are -”

“Don’t! I don’t want to know!” Jane threw her hands over her ears.

Steve chuckled. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let them slip.”

She slowly lowered her hands. “I already know too much,” she sighed. “I’m afraid I’ll say something that will influence whatever Darcy will say to him when she finally can.” She paused, looking thoughtful. “Are...are they good Words?”

Steve smiled, sadly. “Very good. That’s the problem. I want him to hear them. I’ve wanted him to hear them for a very long time. And I want Darcy to be the one to say them.” He shook his head. “If this doesn’t work, if we can’t figure this out...that’s just one more thing HYDRA has taken from him.”

“From them both,” Jane agreed.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're looking for some music to go with this chapter, I'd recommend "If I Had An Airplane" by SayWeCanFly. Which just so happens to be what Darcy is listening to in this chapter.

_2 Days In Cryo_  
“Hello, handsome,” Darcy said kissing her fingers, then touching them to the glass of Bucky’s cryo tube. “Long day today. Janey’s got a new theory and only stopped when I cut power to the lab. One day, I will teach that woman the meaning of work-life balance, I swear.”

She hopped up onto the bed Shuri had set next to the tube and pulled a paper bag out of her purse. “Less than healthy dinner tonight, but I’ve earned it. Have you been to Pie Face yet? If not, we should go soon. Some people think it’s only good when you’re drunk, but I happen to love it anytime. I can’t wait to hear what you think.”

She dug into her dinner with gusto, quickly demolishing her tandoori vegetable pie, then pulled her steel water bottle from her bag and took a long drink, downing half the bottle in one go. She disposed of her trash and settled back onto the bed.

“2 days down,” she said quietly. “58 to go.” She sighed. “I miss you already.”

***

 _7 Days In Cryo_  
“I stole one of my books back,” she said passing her usual kiss from her fingers to the glass. “I promise not to disturb your bookmark though. Wouldn’t want you to lose your place.”

She flipped to the first page. “I hadn’t seen you reading this one yet - you’ll have to tell me what you think when you’re done. And if you lie and tell me you saw the plot twist coming, I’m never making coq au vin for you ever again.”

***

 _15 Days In Cryo_  
“Steve?” Darcy asked as she unbuttoned her coat. “When did you get back?”

“Hey Darcy. Few hours ago.” Steve looked tired, but uninjured. The mission hadn’t required the entire team, and they’d only been gone a week. He closed his sketchbook with a snap. “Any word on how it’s going? I haven’t seen anyone since I’ve been here.”

“Blue skies so far,” she replied, kicking off her shoes and settling onto her bed, her gaze not leaving Bucky. 

“I owe you an apology.”

Darcy looked at him in confusion. “For what?”

“The mess in the lab. I should have-”

“Steve, it’s fine-”

“No, it’s not.”

“Steve,” Darcy chided. “We all screwed up. The initial misunderstanding might have been partially you, but if I had read Bucky’s file when he’d given it to me, I would have known what was happening. It’s done. It’s fine, we’re fine. Let’s move on, okay?”

Steve nodded slowly, then narrowed his eyes slightly.

“Have you been sleeping here every night?”

“Yes,” she replied simply. “I promised him.”

“I don’t think this is what he meant, Darcy.”

“I’m not leaving him again, Steve. No matter what.”

***

 _22 Days In Cryo_  
“Here he is, sleepin’ the day away, the lazy bum,” Clint said, giving Lucky’s leash a gentle tug to guide him towards Bucky. Lucky stood up on his hind legs, propping himself up against the cryo tube and let out a whine.

“You miss this lug?” Clint said, scratching behind Lucky’s ears. “Yeah. Me too, pal. Me too.”

***

 _29 Days In Cryo_  
“How are you doing, Darcy?” Sam asked.

“As good as can be expected.”

“Really? Do you think you’d be better if you went home and slept in your own bed?”

“Nope.”

“Don’t you want to try it and see?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Plenty of time for that when he’s out of here.”

“Darcy-”

“Sam, I’m fine!” Darcy said with a grin. “It’s actually pretty nice here. It’s quiet, and I swear this mattress is nicer than mine. And…” She shrugged. “He’s here. I promise if I start having trouble sleeping or if I’m feeling tired or having trouble concentrating at work, I will go back to the apartment for a night. But I’m good, I swear.”

“Okay. If you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Sam nodded, then motioned to Bucky. “How’s he?”

“Shuri says it’s going well. We’re right on schedule.” She kissed her fingers, then reached over to touch the glass. “Only 31 days to go.”

***

 _34 Days In Cryo_  
“I brought you a new song today,” Darcy said as she approached Bucky’s tube. She kissed her fingers and touched the glass. “I think you’ll like this one. It’s a little quiet, kinda slow.”

She crawled onto her bed and set up her phone so the song would play over the speaker. She let the music wash over her for a few moments, trying to settle her thoughts. 

“ _Even when I'm far away_  
_When you're sleeping I'm always awake_  
_Somewhere, I'm watching over you_  
_Somewhere, I'm not letting go of you_  
_I will always sing you back to sleep_  
_If you have a nightmare_  
_I'll wake you up and I'll be there_  
_Running my fingers through your hair_  
_Until you fall back asleep_  
_Lay on my chest and just breathe…”_

She grabbed a tissue off the side table and wiped at her eyes, then pulled off her cuff to stare at her Words. Her still painfully dark Words. “Do you remember how to dance?” she asked, settling back into her pillows and tracing a finger over the tattoo on her wrist. “This would be a nice song to dance to. I never learned to dance, not properly. Maybe you could teach me.” She stuffed her arm under the sheets so she couldn’t see it and stared at the ceiling. “I think I’d like that.”

***

 _37 Days In Cryo_  
Jane plugged in the small nightlight and flipped the switch. Satisfied the bulb was working she went to the wall switch and turned off the overhead lights. The small lamp beside Bucky illuminated the space, the shade over the bulb casting shadows in the shapes of various constellations all over the room.

“Darcy told me you have a telescope you want to fix up. Saw this at the flea market today - it’s not entirely accurate, I’d love to have a word with whoever designed this thing. I mean honestly, it’s not that hard to find a reliable star chart...anyway. Pick a few you like. Darcy can show you the real thing soon.”

***

 _43 Days In Cryo_  
Kate crept into the room, kicking off her shoes outside the door so they wouldn’t squeak on the tile and wake the sleeping Darcy. She stopped momentarily to watch her sleeping friend, then turned to Bucky’s tube. She pulled a marker out of her pocket and quickly doodled on the glass. If Bucky could open his eyes, he’d see a small field of cartoon flowers all around the room. If Jane could give him the stars at night, someone should give him something pretty for the day.

“Sweet dreams, man.”

***

 _49 Days In Cryo_  
Natasha silently entered the room and looked around. Darcy was sleeping on the bed, clutching her pillow like a teddy bear. Steve was sleeping upright in the chair, his head drooped forward so his chin was almost touching his chest. In the soft light of the constellation lamp, Natasha could only just make out the faint lines someone had doodled on the glass of the cryo tube and the stack of books on the table. She smiled at the nose prints on the glass - clearly Lucky had been by recently. 

She stepped closer to the tube so she could see Bucky clearly. He looked peaceful in his sleep. Younger. Almost like the man in the earliest photos of his file. 

“Second chances are rare, Yasha.” she murmured. “Don’t waste it.” Steve shifted in his sleep and Natasha took a small step back.

“Nat?” Steve asked sleepily.

“Hey.”

“What time is it?”

“Late. Early.”

“‘M sorry. Didn’t realize.”

“Nothing to apologize for, Steve. I just wanted to see if you needed anything.”

He rubbed his eyes and stood up. “Nah. Let’s go home.”

“You can stay.”

Steve shook his head and smiled in Darcy’s direction. “Bucky’s in good hands.”

***

 _53 Days In Cryo_  
The room was silent, aside from the occasional soft beep of the monitors attached to the tube, keeping quiet vigil over Bucky. Bob glanced around warily, as though someone would jump out at any moment and yell at him for being there. No one was around though.

“Hi,” he said. “It’s Bob. Um. So, Captain Rogers got called away again. And Doctor Foster had a breakthrough in the lab. Doctor Lewis is going to be a while, I think. She sounded really excited when she called the desk to register that they’d been keeping the lab open overnight.”

He cleared his throat. “I know I haven’t been by to see you. It’s just...this is a little too familiar, you know?” He shook his head. “Of course you know,” he muttered. “I know Darcy’s been staying here. But she probably won’t make it tonight and. Well. It just didn’t seem right that you be on your own. So. Guess we can do what we used to do to pass the time. I don’t remember where we left off though. Hope it’s okay if I start from the beginning.”

He sat down in the chair next to the cryo tube and pulled a bottle of water and a book out of his jacket pocket. He cracked open the bottle and took a sip, then flipped open to the first page of the book and began to read.

“It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a large fortune must be in want of a wife...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All of the Pie Face locations in NYC closed in 2014 and I'm still bitter about it.
> 
> We are SO CLOSE to the end. Next week, I'll be posting the last three chapters and then we can all cry happy tears together, okay?


	30. Chapter 30

Bucky slowly floated back to awareness. Shuri had been right - this wasn’t anything like when HYDRA pulled him in and out of cryo. He kept his eyes closed as he took a mental tally of himself. His thoughts weren’t sluggish at all, which was the biggest surprise. There was no bone-deep chill to shake off. He was a little stiff, his muscles sore from disuse, but otherwise he felt like he was merely waking up from a long, well-earned nap.

Mentally, he felt all there, too. Same guilt, a bit of self-loathing. He counted backwards from 1,000 in Russian in his head as he did a bit of an emotional check-in. He still missed his sister Rebecca, would do just about anything to see his mother one more time. There was love and perpetual exasperation for Steve. Darcy burned brightly in his heart, filling the cracks and making herself at home.

Everything felt...good. 

If this worked as planned, he owed Shuri his life. She had no use for him, but maybe she and Darcy would run off to be mad scientists and they’d let him tag along to move the heavy equipment or something.

He heard someone shift in the room. Male, mid-thirties, muscular and not used to it. Must be Steve.

He felt someone softly tracing a line along the back of his hand. Hair tickled his nose as someone leaned in close to place a gentle kiss at the corner of his mouth.

_Darcy._

He slowly blinked, his sensitive eyes adjusting to the brightness of the room. Steve was standing in the corner, while Darcy was perched on a chair next to his bed, leaning in close to him, gently stroking the stubble on his chin.

“Hey Darce,” he breathed, earning a bright smile in return. When she didn’t reply, he grew a little concerned, icy tendrils of uncertainty creeping into his chest. “Got anything to say to me?” he asked, his voice trembling just a little.

Darcy’s smile faltered and she glanced back at Steve.

“Gotta test first, Buck. Want to make sure the triggers are gone, that everything worked like we thought.”

“Oh,” he said, reaching up to tuck some of Darcy’s hair back and caress her cheek. She leaned into his touch with such a look of love and relief that it almost took his breath away. “We’ll do it your way, then.”

Steve gave him a wry grin. “Glad you agree,” he said sarcastically. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to let go of Darcy for a minute though.”

“What?” his eyes snapped to his friend. “Why? Where’s she going?”

Darcy wrapped her hand around his and leaned into his touch again. 

“Don’t want to risk her hearing your Words, Buck,” Steve explained quietly. “It’ll just be for a few hours. Then you’re free.”

Bucky sighed and pulled Darcy a little closer. He relished the shiver that he felt go through her as he whispered in her ear.

“I’ll see you at home? As soon as they let me out of here, I’m coming to you. And then I’m all yours.” His whisper grew a tiny bit desperate. “No matter what.” 

Darcy smiled, then leaned in to kiss him. A hungry growl rumbled through his chest as he pulled her closer. She deepened the kiss and it quickly became heated. They were interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing in the corner just before they could get carried away.

“Sorry guys,” Steve said sheepishly.

“Steve Rogers, you are the worst,” Darcy teased.

“Yeah yeah, tell me something I don’t know.”

***

Steve escorted Bucky to his panic room a few floors below the lab and gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder.

“It’s gonna be alright, Buck. I’ve got a good feeling.”

Bucky nodded but didn’t say anything. He was sweating a little from nerves and just wanted this to be over with.

He was well overdue a conversation with his girl, after all.

He settled onto the cot that jutted out from the wall and waited for the team in the other room to start. They had left the microphone open, so he could hear their conversations through the speaker. 

He closed his eyes and focused on the chatter, rather than his rising anxiety about hearing his triggers again. Regardless of whether they actually did anything anymore, those words and phrases all had a lot of bad memories associated with them. Bucky didn’t think he’d ever be comfortable hearing them, in any setting.

He really wished Darcy could be here. He could face anything if she was with him. 

_“Are you recording this?”_ Steve’s voice was incredulous.

 _“Research!”_ Bucky suppressed a laugh at Shuri’s indignation. 

“Let her have her fun, Steve,” he called.

 _“Hey!”_ Bucky looked up at Steve’s yelp and saw Natasha pulling a file from Steve’s hands.

 _“Your accent is terrible - if we’re going to really test this, the phrases should actually be comprehensible.”_ Bucky outright laughed at Natasha’s cool dismissal of Steve. She had a point though - Steve could speak a half dozen languages fluently, but his Russian was absolutely atrocious.

Natasha leaned into the mic. _“Are you ready?”_

“As ready as I’m going to be.”

_“Any particular order you want to do this?”_

Bucky was a little surprised at her concerned tone. He’d never expected more than casual indifference from her. Maybe he’d misjudged her. He wouldn’t be the first, certainly, but she was Steve’s soulmate - maybe he should have known better. 

One more thing he could try to make right with this new start he’d been given.

“Doesn’t matter,” he replied quietly. “Thanks though.”

She gave him a small nod. Then she jumped right in.

_“Желание...Ржавый...”_

***

“That’s everything,” Natasha said with a sigh, closing the file.

Steve watched his friend through the glass. Bucky was sweating and breathing heavily, but his vitals were good and Shuri was smiling. His reactions were stress and fear and probably relief - not the Soldier.

“Almost everything,” Steve said quietly. He turned around. “Can we get the room, please?”

Shuri leaned over the mic. “Congratulations Bucky.” She motioned to her assistants and left the room.

“Can you kill anything that’s still recording?” Steve asked Natasha. 

“Sure. What else are we doing?”

“There’s one more trigger to test.”

Natasha peered into the folder. “No, I did them all.”

“This one’s not in there.”

Her eyes lit up with realization. “You’re going to test his Words.”

“I have to be sure. Before he goes running to Darcy.”

Natasha nodded. “Want me to leave? I’m assuming these ones are in English.”

Steve grinned. “Hilarious. Yes, they’re in English.”

She leaned in and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I’ll be outside.”

Steve waited for the door to close behind her before taking his seat behind the mic. He hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“How you feeling, Buck?”

 _“Eh,”_ Bucky said, his voice just this side of hysterical, _“I’ve been worse.”_ He let out a giddy laugh.

“Feeling a bit of relief?” Steve teased.

_“They’re gone, Steve. They’re gone.”_

“I know.”

 _“They’re gone.”_ Steve was fairly certain Bucky’s smile could power the sun in that moment and he was so thankful that he got to see it. 

“Bucky...there’s one last one to check.”

Bucky sobered immediately. _“My Words,”_ he said quietly.

“Yeah.”

_“You kick everyone out?”_

“I did.”

_“Even Nat?”_

“Yes.”

Bucky was quiet for a moment. _“Thanks.”_

“Are you ready? Or do you want to take a minute?”

_“I’ve been ready to hear my Words my entire life. Never really wanted to hear them from you though.”_

“Hey, I am what the kids these days call ‘a catch.’”

_“Sure you are. But we’ve been over this - you’re not my type.”_

Steve laughed then took a deep breath. “Okay. I’m going to say them on three.”

_“Wait - Steve?”_

“Yeah Buck?”

_“Are they...are they something you think Darcy would say? Do they sound like her?”_

Steve’s grin softened a little into an affectionate smile. “Yeah. They’re definitely something Darcy would say.”


	31. Chapter 31

He ran a quick hand over his hair as he walked down the hall to Darcy’s door. Maybe he should have stopped by his apartment to clean up first. He was a mess.

No. They’d waited long enough - he wanted to have his very first conversation with Darcy and he didn’t want to wait any longer.

Even if there was no way his Words would be the first thing Darcy said to him. Despite Steve’s insistence, Bucky knew it just wasn’t possible. It didn’t matter though. He mentally threw an apology into the ether for whoever was supposed to say the Words once etched into his skin. He loved Darcy - he _chose_ Darcy. Nothing and no one was ever going to change that.

He really hoped she felt the same way. 

Oh god, what if she didn’t? What if...what if she didn’t say his Words and then in a year or whenever her real soulmate came along? Would she stay? She would stay, right? Just because he was absolutely committed to spending the rest of his life with her, didn’t mean that she felt the same. Whenever her real soulmate came along, would she choose them? Would they both spend the rest of their lives looking over their shoulder, just waiting for everything to fall apart?

No. No, Darcy was his soulmate. They were going to be happy. Everything was going to be fine.

It had it be.

He pushed his nerves down and knocked on her door.

Kate threw open the door. “Hey man. Welcome back to the land of the living.” Her voice echoed in the empty space.

Bucky blinked and peered past her. The apartment was empty. He double checked the number on the door. This _was_ Darcy’s apartment...right? 

Oh great. They removed his triggers but they also messed with his memory. As if he didn’t have enough issues on that front.

Kate was grinning at him. “Are you done panicking?”

“Where’s Darcy?”

“Go down to your apartment.”

“Kate-”

“Seriously,” she interrupted with a kind smile. “Just go.”

He nodded and slowly turned to go. He trudged down the steps, trying to figure out what had just happened. Darcy knew he was going to stop by, where was she? At least she had left his keys with Steve so he could get back into his apartment. Maybe she was grocery shopping or something? Kate was home so she wasn’t out walking Lucky. Maybe Jane had a breakthrough and she was called to the lab? That would be his luck - he’s finally free to talk to Darcy and she gets called to the lab for a week.

He slowly unlocked his apartment and dropped his keys on the table just inside, before relocking the door behind him.

His apartment didn’t smell as musty as he’d been expecting after being closed up for two months. Darcy or Steve or someone must have aired it out before he came home today. That was thoughtful. 

He turned back to the table where he’d dropped his keys. Jimmi the Cactus was there. Why was Jimmi the Cactus in his apartment?

A shuffling noise from the kitchen drew his attention and he headed that way.

_Darcy._

Darcy was fidgeting with her mug and nervously chewing on her lip. She looked up at him, a question in her eyes.

“Hi,” he breathed, hovering at the edge of the kitchen.

Her lips twitched into an approximation of a smile, but she was clearly waiting for something.

Oh. Right.

“I’m all clear. Triggers are gone.”

Darcy broke into the biggest, brightest smile he’d ever seen and she launched herself into his arms, wrapping him up in the warmest hug he’d ever received. He lifted her off her feet and held her.

Everything would be alright. It had to be. He didn’t have a problem in the universe when he held her like this.

When he finally set her back down, she opened her mouth to speak.

“Wait!” he said suddenly, stopping her from whatever she was going to say. “I need to tell you something first.” He took a deep breath and gathered his thoughts, hoping he would be able to make some sort of coherent sense.

Oh what the hell. Coherence was overrated. Darcy would understand what he was trying to say.

“I know my Words now. Steve told me and we tested it out, just to make sure. But it doesn’t matter one bit what the first thing you say to me is. My Words, not my Words, I don’t care. You are the soulmate I choose. And you would never have to worry or watch over your shoulder for some other person to show up and say my Words and I’d leave - that’s not going to happen. I meet them, great. Lovely to meet you. Have a nice life. I’ve got everything I ever need, right here. And - “

“ _ **Soulmate or not - I love you, Bucky Barnes**_ ,” Darcy interrupted. Her eyes went wide and she clapped a hand over her mouth.

Bucky was stunned silent as they stared at each other.

“You love me?” he asked quietly, finally breaking the silence. Darcy nodded, her eyes still wide.

“I love you, too.”

She slowly lowered her hand away from her mouth, staring at him. Suddenly, she pulled him to her, crushing her lips to his, catching her fingers in his hair and holding him firmly in place. As though he had any intentions of going anywhere else anytime soon.

“I love you so damn much, Darcy,” he murmured.

“I love you. I love you. I love you,” she whispered, punctuating each statement with a kiss. “And it feels really, really, so very _fucking_ good to finally be able to tell you.”

He grinned at her. “Guess what,” he whispered, giving her a squeeze and nudging her nose with his.

She grinned back. “What?”

“You said my Words.”

“I did?”

“Yep.”

“No way. Are you sure?”

He nodded. 

“Those are really great Words. Go me.”

Bucky laughed and ran his fingers through her hair. “When Steve told me what they were, I never thought in a million years…”

“So little faith in me I see,” Darcy teased, her smile brighter than the sun.

“That’s not it. Not by any measure. I just...” he sighed and touched his forehead to hers, unable to find the words.

“I know. But one day, I hope you’ll be able to see what I see.”

“Looking forward to it.” He leaned in and kissed her again before abruptly pulling away to look at her. “Why is Jimmi the Cactus here?”

“Hmmm? Oh. That. Well…” Darcy looked a little sheepish. “Before you went into cryo, you said that you were ready to start the rest of our lives. And before that even...I think you thought I was asleep, but I wasn’t and you said that you wanted...this. And while you were in cryo, I missed you so much. Sleeping at the lab didn’t help - you were so close, but I couldn’t see your eyes or talk to you. I just...missed you. So, I started hanging around here more. I had never really unpacked from my move from New Mexico so then I kinda...sorta...moved in here?”

Bucky raised his eyebrows at her.

“I can fix it!” Darcy said quickly. “I still have the lease upstairs and-” 

“Darcy.”

“-really stupid of me anyway, I mean _of course_ I should have asked you, this is such a huge invasion and I’m really sorry-”

“Darcy.”

“-have every right to be angry-”

“I’m just gonna wait.”

“-swear to you that I will try to not be as thoughtless ever again.” Darcy’s face was flushed with anxiety and she was panting a little from her rant. “The only thing I can say is I’m sorry.”

He nodded. “My turn?”

She nodded, her expression sad.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around to help you pack.”

Darcy blinked. “What?”

“Did you at least get Steve to help with the heavy stuff?”

Darcy gaped at him briefly. “Uh...Bob and Clint actually. Steve was punching Doombots somewhere in Central America.”

“Of course he was.” He pulled Darcy to him. “The only thing you did was show me that you’re as committed to this as I am. That no matter how my Words ended up, no matter what happened in cryo...you’re here. You want to be here. God Darcy, how could I _ever_ be angry about that?”

“Really?” she whispered, hope in her voice.

He brought her hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Well, her fingers really. One specific finger that was distinctly lacking a piece of jewelry it was far too early to be thinking about. “Really.” He shrugged. “I was going to ask you, anyway. I don’t want to be away from you. Here, upstairs, somewhere else entirely that we pick out together. As long as I’m with you, I don’t care where we are.” 

“I love you,” she breathed, pulling him for another kiss.

He chuckled. “You said that already,” he teased, playfully nipping at her lips.

“You’re going to get so tired of me telling you,” she promised, kissing along his jawline.

“Never.” He pulled away slightly and gently turned her arm so he could see where her Words would be imprinted on her wrist. “So. Should we…”

Darcy fiddled with the cuff covering her Words. “It doesn’t matter.”

“I know it doesn’t. But unless you’re never going to wash that arm again, you’re going to see them at some point.”

Darcy stared at her wrist, but didn’t move to remove the cuff.

“Darcy,” Bucky murmured. “It doesn’t change a thing. False positives happen every day. But _I love you_ , no matter what. I want _you_ , no matter what. We’re the lucky ones who got to choose their soulmate. Now we’re just asking the universe if it agrees. But it doesn’t matter. Underneath this cuff, your Words could be any color of the damn rainbow and it wouldn’t change how I feel. Your arm could fall off to join mine in a ravine in the Alps somewhere and it wouldn’t make a difference.”

“Well that’s a graphic mental image,” Darcy replied flatly.

Bucky laughed. “All part of the package.” His smile faded after a moment. “Would it...would it change anything for you? If your Words are still dark?”

“No!”

“Okay then.” Bucky unclasped the tiny buckle that held the cuff in place. Darcy put one hand over his to still his movements before he could remove the cuff and reveal her Words.

“I just…”

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“I want it to be you so badly,” Darcy whispered.

His heart swelled. She loved him. _Him_. Darcy Lewis could have her pick of anyone on the planet and she chose him. He was the happiest bastard in the world. “It _is_ me. No matter what.” Bucky slowly pulled the cuff off of Darcy’s wrist and she yanked her arm away so only she could see her Words.

She stared at her arm, her expression blank. Bucky waited, the butterflies in his belly growing and reproducing and overall making him feel a little nauseous.

“Darcy?” he whispered.

Darcy finally tore her eyes away from her wrist to look at him, bringing her wrist a little closer to her chest. She swallowed hard and bit her lip.

“It doesn’t change a thing?”

“Not a thing,” he replied firmly, his stomach sinking momentarily before settling into steel resolve. They chose each other. No matter what. 

“Either way?” she clarified.

He grasped her wrist and gently pulled it towards him. “I love you. Either way,” he agreed, then closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to her wrist.

When he opened his eyes, _silver_ words filled his vision. 

_Damn mutt really listens to you._

“Hello soulmate,” Darcy whispered. “Nice to finally meet you.”


	32. Epilogue

_One Year Later_  
“Alright, alright, everyone just take a step back. It’s my turn with the baby,” Tony announced, holding baby Kaitlyn Barton close to his chest.

“Uh, Tony? You’ve been holding Katie for the last two hours. No one has tried to take her from you,” Laura Barton reminded him.

“Well. Just in case anyone got any ideas,” he replied and huffed off in the direction of the house.

Laura and Jane laughed, then resumed going through photo albums at the picnic table with Thor.

Darcy smiled at her friend as she cleared away the last of the dinner dishes. Jane was happier than Darcy had seen her in quite some time. Thor was making a concerted effort to be more present - and earthbound - these days and had seemingly committed to trying to make things work with Jane. He’d even offered to speak to his mother on Jane’s behalf to see if anything could be done about their mismatched lifespans. It was starting to look like the universe hadn’t quite forgotten Jane after all. Darcy crossed her fingers and hoped for the best - Jane deserved it.

Bucky looked over from where he and Bob had been stacking firewood and caught Darcy’s eye. He threw her a heartstopping grin, to which Bob made a comment that Darcy couldn’t hear. Bucky slapped him on the back and gave him a mock-serious glare. A look of sheer terror crossed Bob’s face for a few moments before Bucky broke and grinned at Bob, who did not look reassured in the slightest. Darcy smothered a laugh. Clearly, Bob still wasn’t quite used to being included in a social circle that included superheroes with really warped senses of humor.

Bucky left Bob and made his way over to Darcy, grabbing half of her load and following her into the kitchen. Dishes cleared and loaded into the dishwasher for cleaning, Bucky came up behind Darcy and wrapped his arms around her middle. She leaned into his embrace, resting her head back against his shoulder, feeling safe and warm and so, so loved. She wouldn’t trade this for anything. 

“How’s my love doing?” he purred into her ear, between the tiny kisses he brushed against her skin. 

“Mmmmmm. No complaints.”

“That’s not an overwhelmingly positive assessment,” he murmured as he kissed her neck.

“Keep doing what you’re doing and I can reassess.”

“Get me alone and I can do more than this.”

“Don’t I know it.”

Darcy could feel the laughter rumble in his chest as he pressed one last kiss just behind her ear, sending chills down her spine and into her toes.

“No defiling my kitchen! I just redid the floors.” Clint yelled from the living room.

“Four kids and you’re suddenly no fun,” Natasha retorted, earning a laugh from the others gathered in the living room.

“Shhhhh! You’ll wake baby Toni!” Tony scolded, gently bouncing baby Katie, who snoozed on, oblivious to everything around her.

“Katie, Tony. My daughter’s name is Katie.”

“That’s what I said.”

Darcy laughed and snuggled further into Bucky’s embrace.

“It’s a clear night,” Bucky whispered in her ear. “These jokers are going to stay in here all night. Let’s go back to the cabin and break in those new telescope lenses.”

“You get me so well,” Darcy grinned.

“Soulmate.”

“Thank god for that.”

***

A few miles away from the Barton farm sat a small cabin. It’s respectably-sized kitchen dominated the first floor, while two bedrooms took up most of the second. The cabin was remarkable only in how unremarkable it was. The thing that made this cabin different from any other in the area was the massive platform built onto the roof.

A platform specifically designed for stargazing.

As soon as they arrived back home at their cabin, Bucky puttered around the kitchen while Darcy made her way up to the platform. She dug pillows out of the deck box and built a little nest near the telescope Bucky had long-since scavenged from a flea market and they’d repaired together. Nest complete, Darcy came back inside to snag a blanket off the couch and paused in the kitchen on her way back upstairs to press a kiss between his shoulder blades. 

“See you outside, handsome.”

He grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers. “I’ll be out in a minute.” He watched her leave, still not quite believing his luck.

18 months ago he was hiding in his sad excuse for an apartment, hating his life and fantasizing about a girl he’d only ever heard about. Today, that very girl was his soulmate - the soulmate he’d been terrified to find, convinced he would hurt her or drive her away. The soulmate he’d been sure would reject him, finding him to be far more trouble than he was worth.

He’d never been so happy to be wrong.

His relationship with Darcy was the most solid thing in his life - possibly the most solid thing he’d ever had in his life. She brought light and laughter and so much love into his heart. She made him a better man - made him _want_ to be a better man. 

He still had nightmares of course - he probably always would. Crowds were never going to be comfortable for him. And if anyone ever said the word “Sputnik” in his presence ever again, he’d probably set the damn room on fire. (Darcy would happily join him on that front. They’d already discussed it with Bob and he was fully prepared with bail money.)

But she would still be there. She would always still be there. And that would always be enough.

“Bucky? You still coming?” Darcy called down the stairs.

“Be out in a sec!” He turned off the stove and quickly piled their treats on a tray. His girl was waiting.

***

Darcy gingerly sipped out of the giant thermos of hot chocolate and winced when the hot liquid stung her lips.

“Patience,” Bucky teased.

“Overrated.”

Bucky laughed and wrapped the giant blanket Darcy had crocheted around them. Darcy settled back against his chest and pulled his legs a little closer, effectively caging herself in his grasp. 

“I love you,” he breathed.

She turned to look at him and smiled. “I love you, too.”

He leaned forward and kissed her soundly. Darcy hummed happily, reaching up to run her fingers against his stubble.

After a few moments, he pulled back and rested his forehead against hers.

“So. Tell me what we’re looking for.”

Darcy sat up happily and reached for her phone. She pulled up a stargazing app and pointed it at the sky.

“Well, what do you want to see?”

He pointed a little to their right. “Tell me about that one.”

She leaned her head back so she could see exactly which star he was pointing at. She squinted, then looked back at him. “Did you cheat and look at the app?”

“No, why?”

“You don’t want that one.”

“Why not?”

She smiled and laughed a little. “You picked the constellation Hydra.”

“Uggggghhhh.” He buried his head in her shoulder and she laughed again as he kissed her neck. “Let’s skip that one. You pick.”

She pointed further to their right. “That really bright one is Sirius.”

“Tell me everything.”

Bucky happily watched Darcy get completely carried away with her explanation. She was always beautiful, but he’s fairly certain that his favorite look is when she was in the throws of a passionate explanation. She could be talking about stars or politics or how contestants on some reality tv show chose the wrong house to remodel - she was so smart it always blew him away. He was the luckiest fool in the universe.

“Want to point our telescope in that direction so we can see it for ourselves?”

Darcy was uncharacteristically quiet, staring at the sky.

“Darcy?”

Darcy chewed on her lip, looking a little nervous. He gave her a quick squeeze to encourage her. He knew that she knew she could tell him anything at all. She just sometimes needed encouragement. He was happy to provide.

 

“Did you want all this? Before?”

Bucky blinked at the sudden change of topic. Darcy rarely asked about his life before the war and it wasn’t exactly something he thought about regularly, preferring to focus on the present - and their future. He couldn’t help but wonder what prompted her question.

“This?” he asked.

“We were at the Barton’s. And it’s the whole thing, you know? House, kids, dog. And I just started to wonder. What was Bucky Barnes dreaming about in 1942?”

“In 1942, the thing Bucky Barnes wanted most was to not be shipping out to Europe,” he replied dryly. “He... _I_...I just wanted a normal life. I wanted…I wanted to make enough money to keep a roof over my head, to be able to help Steve when he needed it. I wanted Steve to stop being such a stubborn ass and actually _accept_ my help when he needed it. I definitely wanted to stop worrying that Steve was going to get arrested for lying on his enlistment form.” Darcy chuckled a little at that and his voice grew wistful. “I wanted to see Howard Stark make a car fly. Maybe one day meet a nice girl. See if she’d say my Words.” He shook his head and kissed her temple. “I don’t remember ever thinking beyond that.”

“So...you didn’t want the rest of it?”

“I don’t remember,” he replied honestly. “If things hadn’t...gone the way they had...maybe I would have. But. Things happen.”

“What about after you got away? There was a lot of time between then and when we met.” 

He sighed. “Darcy...you have to understand. For so long, I thought that the best I could hope for would just be to survive to see the next morning. I would get back to wherever I was sleeping that night and the only thing I had to look forward to was maybe a chocolate bar. I never expected…” he sighed again and pressed another kiss to her temple. “You have given me more than I think you will ever know,” he murmured into her hair. “Before you, it wasn’t a life. Now...the only thing I want is for you to be happy. You make me so happy. So happy. And whatever will make you happy will make me happy, too.”

Darcy smiled a little and gave a soft, happy hum as she slowly adjusted her position in his arms so she could face him. She reached up out of her cocoon of blankets so she could caress his cheek. “You have so much love to give, Bucky Barnes. Seems a little selfish to keep it all to myself.”

“You tryin’ to tell me I’m a little late on doin’ the right thing and makin’ an honest woman out of you?”

Darcy laughed and Bucky’s heart soared at the sound.

“No. But if you wanted, we could...” she shrugged. “We could.”

Bucky could feel his heart in his throat. “Yeah?” he croaked out.

“Little bit of me, little bit of you...a lot of really enjoyable work,” Darcy teased and he laughed.

“She could have your eyes,” he whispered.

“He could have your smile.”

“Darcy…”

“I love you, soulmate.” 

He touched his forehead to hers, feeling so happy and his heart so full of love it felt like it would burst right out of his chest.

“I love you, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We made it. Holy cow, we made it. 
> 
> Thank you - each and every one of you - for reading this story. It was an adventure to write (it kicked my ass on more than one occasion) and I have loved seeing the responses to it.
> 
> Let's flail about superheroes - I'm @seibelsays on Tumblr, Dreamwidth, Pillowfort, and Discord.
> 
> Until next time, may all your favorite bands stay together.
> 
> <3 seibelsays


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